I’m writing this blog to give you 20 tips on how to improve your self-confidence and self-love, because that’s the key to personal empowerment. These tips I have mentioned below are based on my personal experience, communication with a mental health professional and doing some online research. Feel free to share this blog with anyone who needs a little boost or so. I promise you if you implement these changes and tips in your DAILY life, you’ll start to feel a difference. It takes around 21 days for something to become a habit, but I want you to challenge yourself for 30 DAYS and see if you start to notice SOME difference and feel a little better about yourself. Of course if you’re dealing with depression or any other mental health condition you’ll need extra help, but these tips can definitely help. On that note, I wrote a blog about how I deal with anxiety so please check it out if you need it.
Tips on Enhancing Self-Confidence:
1- Spend Time Alone: You need to understand that you’re spending the rest of your life with yourself no matter who you end up with. This is why I am asking you to spend some time alone and enjoy your company a little bit more. You’re living 70+ years with YOURSELF, don’t you think it’s crucial to maybe love your presence a little bit more? I urge you to start by watching a movie alone at home with some pop corn and take yourself out for coffee and wear whatever makes you feel comfortable when you do so. You need to start feeling a bit more comfortable with yourself to start loving you, yourself and you. YOU CAN DO IT. There is absolutely nothing wrong about doing that, it doesn’t make you weird or socially awkward. Fuck whatever anyone else says. This is about YOU.
“Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
2- Change Your Lifestyle: Time to eat clean (nourishing food that you enjoy and that serve you right – improves your overall health, makes you full and satisfies you and makes you feel good) That doesn’t mean eliminate sweets and carbohydrates COMPLETELY, just make sure what you eat serves your body right. Also, the healthier you eat the less cravings you have. You can enjoy a cookie or a rocky brownie without binging if you eat INTUITIVELY. Looking after your emotional and physical wellbeing is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT. So get yourself checked every 6-12 months and start doing exercises that YOU ENJOY to stay committed- Swimming, martial arts, yoga, going for a walk in nature, weight lifting, etc…. Also, practice GRATITUDE- Shift your focus from what you don’t have and dislike about yourself and life to what you actually like. Start to notice the beauty in your daily life and write it down if you have to EVERY SINGLE DAY till it becomes a habit.
“Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Mind.Body.Spirit.”
3- Be More Forgiving with YOURSELF: Again, you’re spending the rest of your life with you, yourself and YOU. Learning from your mistakes and holding yourself accountable is one thing, and being self-degrading is another thing. You need to turn over a new leaf and move on from what you’ve done. You know how kind and forgiving you can be to others? Yeah well you are the most important person in your life and it’s time to be that kind and forgiving with yourself. Also, you need to ACCEPT that not everyone will forgive you and they DON’T HAVE TO. You’ve done what you’ve done and whether or not they want to forgive you and see the new you, it’s their choice. Just like it’s your choice to accept them over time and move on to start anew.
“Be very gentle with yourself. The world is very very very hard on you.”
4- No More FUCKERY: Time to get out of TOXIC relationships, fake friendships, emotional vampires, staying away from fuckgirls/fuckboys and family members that bring you down (if you can). You don’t serve yourself and allow yourself to evolve and grow by having emotional vampires and fucks in your life. Remember that a fuck can’t invite himself/herself in, unless you open the door for them and let them in. I don’t care how long you have known each other or who they used to be. What matters is who they are NOW and how they make YOU feel. Of course walking away and tearing that chapter from your life is so hard, but you gotta do it and the faster you do it, the quicker you’ll get on the healing and growth journey. You can’t avoid the problem forever, it’ll only grow. You get one life and one body in this life, anyone who doesn’t appreciate that or makes you feel like shit needs to shipped far away to the land of fuckery! Goodbye. It’s their loss anyway.
“There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The truth nobility is in being superior to your precious self.” – Quote applies to both MEN and WOMEN
5- Dress To Impress YOU: That includes clothes, accessories and your hair. It’s important to feel comfortable in your clothes and love what you wear, because that’s what gives you a little confidence boost. Dressing to impress others won’t really fulfill you and make you love what you wear. You can still impress them by walking around confidently whether with a hoodie, a top and jeans or a stylish, classy outfit with some heels on. Confidences makes you BEAUTIFUL! How many times have you seen someone appeal so many and think to yourself “But there are way prettier people..” – Not that I like that thought or support it, but we all have this vision of what a sexy, gorgeous person appears to be-
“The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.” – Sahaj Kohli
6- Groom Yourself (From the inside out…)- This aligns with ‘Dress To Impress YOU’ because looking after your skin, taking a long, warm bath, getting your nails done and styling your hair makes you feel “clean” and more satisfied with how you look and smell.
“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”
7- Go For A Change: DO something different and new for YOU, whether it’s changing your body (Not that I’m saying you have to look a certain way. You’re stunning no matter what, but if you want to enhance or shrink a part of your body, it’s your choice but do it for YOU, not your partner or so-called family and friends). You can get a new haircut, hair dye and/or find a new hobby.
8- Purge Yourself With Positive Affirmations: Our subconscious mind contains messages and affirmations we’ve been sending to ourself through internal dialogues, songs we listen to, movies we watch and people we’re around. Which is why it’s time to change that dialogue and start affirming more positive stuff about yourself like we believe it and our subconscious mind will start soaking those messages.
“The problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.”
9- Embrace Your Quirks: Embrace everything about that makes YOU unique. Screw being ‘normal,’ being normal is overrated. Pffft. Start asking yourself what is unique about you and what can you love about that quality?
“Have unshakable faith in yourself to become everything you want to be.”
10- Write Down EVERY single Day AT LEAST 5 Things You Love About Yourself: Being self-aware is a crucial part of self-growth, that’s how you become aware of what needs to change (aka FLAWS) and what needs improvement. But self-awareness is also about noticing the parts of you that deserve more attention and love. I know that you’re probably thinking how the hell can you find 5 different things to write down DAILY. But let me tell you it’s exactly like writing an essay, you don’t know where to start and how to do it, but the moment you get a pen in your hand and start writing it down, the easier it becomes and that’s when more ideas and thoughts flow.
“Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.”
11- Stand Your Ground! Make a decision to NO longer take bs from ANYONE. Respect is a two-way street and that applies to relationships, friends and family. Do NOT allow anyone to walk over you or talk you down. No one is worth putting yourself down for! There is nothing humble about making yourself feel like crap so people around you feel better about themselves. This is how you become more and more assertive NOT blunt/rude.
I’m sorry, but it’s not your problem that they lack love in their life or confidence or even if they have shit going down in their life. We all have at least 2% control of what comes out of our mouth and how we respond to certain things. They are on their own journey of healing and self-discovery, and you are on yours.
“The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you’ll tolerate.”
12- Quit The Hate: Too often do we judge and criticise others, whether we do it on social media to cyber bully people (with/without the intention to do so), behind others backs or in their face. Confident women/men don’t sit around making fun of what someone else wears or lives their life. I think we need to start learning to mind our own business and leave people alone. People who hate are either too arrogant, self-conscious or just sick themselves. Distance yourself from them and DON’T be them.
“Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.” – Dan Coppersmith
13- Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: In order to grow, you need to start doing the things you’ve been delaying and never actually done them. You need to start being more courageous to gain confidence in return. Start small, and you’ll be able to do more.
14- Check Yourself Out: Instead of standing in the mirror and hating on your nose shape, body size and skin imperfections, how about telling yourself what’s beautiful about it? And if you don’t think a specific feature is pretty enough ask yourself how did that belief start? What’s the root of that belief? Is it a toxic partner? Social media models? Because really, what is beauty and who sets those standards? I remember back then people were for thin eyebrows, and now everyone is getting them tinted or a brow pencil/gel. Also thin legs were considered ‘hot,’ now there are YouTube videos on how to have thicker thighs and wider hips.
“Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.”
15- Release The Negative Energy Within You: You CANNOT love yourself when you’re filled with hatred, heart ache, sadness, anger, and so on. You need to release that energy and there are a lot of different ways to do so (upcoming blog will explain), but you can search online, read books, watch videos -I love Ted X- spend more time in nature, change your internal dialogue and talk to a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist/psychologist if you need to do so. Remember, we ALL have or had a mental illness because it is NORMAL. Screw that stigma around mental health and there are a lot of platforms and movements now that are for mental health. Not that you need any approval to feel a certain way by a platform, but I’m just saying that you can get tons of support just like you get criticised.
Quoting something I always say: “Today I choose to purge myself out of a toxic mindset, because I am worthy of being loved with every fibre of my being by myself.” You deserve to feel that same way <3
16- Put Yourself Out There: Remember what I said about being courageous and brave? When I talk about being brave, I don’t mean to jump without a parachute, that’s just irresponsible and dumb. I mean start chasing the opportunities you’ve been wanting to chase, start going out and meeting a new man/woman and go after what you want (without demeaning yourself in the process. Be passionate, NOT DESPERATE). I think one of the things us human beings fear the most is REJECTION. You need to understand and accept that rejection is part of life, whether it’s being rejected by someone or a job interviewer. If you think you’ll never get rejected, then you’re fooling yourself. It’s a part of life and sometimes being rejected can be good. Maybe you wouldn’t be with the friends your around now or the workplace that you love now if you haven’t been rejected in the past. And being rejected by someone is how you know it’s time to move on and avoid the confusion of ‘do they like me but not show it?’
“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.”
****17- IDGAF Attitude: Do you want to love yourself? or get a glimpse of what it’s like to feel invincible and unbreakable about who you are? Then you gotta develop that IDGAF attitude. You weren’t born to please anyone and you most definitely didn’t sign a contract to make that friend, lover, family member approve of who you are and what you do. You should never need anyone’s approval and that is the worst prison to put yourself in. I used to care so much about what people will say about what I wear as a hijabi and how I’ll look when I go out without makeup. Then I remembered that a) Who are they to judge? I don’t answer to people, I answer to GOD. (If you don’t believe in God that’s okay ofc) b) The only opinion that matters is how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror. People have different styles and come from different backgrounds, and that’s what makes this world a wonderful place to live in. That’s what makes each person different. Seeking advice is okay, but seeking ‘approval’ is a no-no. Yeah they think your passion or hobby is lame, so what? They think you need to gain some weight, who gives a shit what they think? Remember that you allow people to get to you by listening to them. If what you’re doing is not harming anyone in any way, then it’s none of their damn business what you do.
18- Stop Trying To BE ANYONE ELSE: Kim K’s body is perfect for Kim K, Rihanna’s skin tone is perfect for Rihanna. And you are perfect for YOU with who you are and with your imperfections. Chasing after what’s not really you is the best way to be inconfident. Of course you can get some inspiration and find a role model to look up to, but trying so hard to not be YOU is not how you will love YOURSELF.
19- Assertiveness: Being assertive is not about being rude or disrespecting anyone, it’s about being comfortable with sharing your thoughts and feelings. Keeping yourself in that bubble of thoughts can make you feel very lonely. Don’t be afraid to speak up for what you believe in. This is why I said you need to develop the IDGAF attitude to judgements and criticisms. Having different opinions and sharing them with one another is totally fine, but being CRITICISED for having an opinion on something that you have every right to do so is disgusting. Be fearless and courageous. Be brave!
20- Specialised Knowledge: Having knowledge about a topic that you’re passionate about puts you high in spirits. You know what the heck you’re talking about and how it can benefit/help other people. Knowledge can be in stuff like education (sciences), law of attraction, nutrition, art and music, and many more.
If you read this ENTIRE blog, THANK YOU SO MUCH and I really do hope it helps. I know it’s a lot of information, so I suggest you pick three of these and start working on them. I suggest you work on your mental wellbeing first before applying any of these tips. Other than that I say start with ‘IDGAF Attitude,’ ‘Change Your Lifestyle,’ and ‘Write Down 5 Things You Love About Yourself Daily.’ And remember that I am more than happy to listen if you need someone to talk to xoxo