Changing Your Appearance For Someone

Love shouldn’t hurt

Let’s be real, body shaming EXISTS. We all have been to family gatherings where we were told “oh have you gained weight?” “Damn you lost a lot of weight. You should be careful” or shit like “what have you done to your hair?” Sometimes you even sit with a friend or a cousin and they start nit picking on others. “She definitely got lip fillers. That’s why she looks like a duck” “Man that guy is too thin and short. Ew not my type.” Body shaming can be difficult to face and even harder to speak up if it comes from someone who is close to you.

Notice the caption under the photo up there? “Love shouldn’t hurt.” Now, love isn’t just between a man and a woman. It can be family love, friendships and siblings. It’s strange to me how people constantly say love is kind and/or romantic then you hear people saying they lost weight because their partner thinks it’s more attractive. Apparently the idea that “fat is bad” and “fat means unhealthy” still exists. Before we jump to how to deal with that bullshit, let me explain something about “fat.”

  1. FAT is distributed differently in our bodies. There are people who get more fat around their hips when they gain a few pounds. Others get fat on their buttocks. You DON’T know what someone’s fat percentage is or what it should be and how the fat is distributed around their body. And really it’s none of your damn business. Focus on YOUR appearance not others.
  2. ’Fat is unhealthy’ let me remind you that we ALL have fats and cellulite. Fat is IMPORTANT sometimes! There is a reason why underweight people and anorexics (eating disorder and hopefully diagnosed by a professional not a dumb fuck on social media) are asked to gain some weight because we all need a specific fat percentage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to promote obesity as it comes with a lot of health issues just like being underweight is as dangerous.
  3. Muscle weighs more than fat. Weight doesn’t instantly tell you how much body fat you have. Weight = fats, muscles, bones, etc… body builders weigh a lot because of their muscle mass. Do your research and educate yourself https://8fit.com/fitness/muscle-weight-vs-fat-weight-frequently-asked-questions/ Of course if you don’t want to educate yourself or do research, then it’s your choice. But if you don’t have anything nice to say or anything productive to add to conversation, then just keep your mouth shut and stapled.

NOTE: Any change you attempt to do should be done for YOU. It’s YOUR body and no one else’s. There is a reason why we’re in different bodies and we weren’t born in the same body as someone else haha. Embrace your body and only try to enhance your beauty. If you’re self-conscious about your body and confidence, please go read my other blogs.

You Might Be In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship

I don’t know anything about your relationship or the nature of it. But I do know that someone who loves YOU accepts YOU as a whole. They love YOU for YOU, not for who they want you to be or this image they have of you which isn’t you. Why do we spend so much time trying to make the other person feel loved and that their imperfections are perfect when we don’t receive the same respect and affection? Respect is a two-way street no matter what the nature of your relationship is and how long you’ve been together. Even if it was said in a moment of anger, that thought came from somewhere. One day we’re gonna grow old and I don’t think anyone will think in their 80’s that they should have been 15 kgs lighter when they were 27. Love is not about how thick your thighs are or how long your hair is. It’s about loving YOU as a PERSON, not as a body.

Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse. And it is NEVER too late to stand up for yourself. If a partner (man or woman) makes a disgusting comment about your body, explain to them how that makes you feel and try to let them see how they have been brainwashed by society. I personally think that’s not a relationship worth investing in because of the reasons I explained above. If it doesn’t stop, walk away. It’s hard of course, but it is even harder to feel lonely in a relationship.

NOTE: Body positivity and acceptance does NOT equate to eating junk food and/or being lazy. Health is SUPER important. My blogs are not meant to dismiss the idea of getting in shape and eating clean. It’s about raising awareness of issues that arise these days and explaining how to deal with them from my personal experience.

Toxic Family Members

If a parent, cousin, uncle or aunt criticises your body or makes fun of your appearance, try to do one of the following:

A) Explain how that makes you feel (if they listen like a normal human being)

B) Politely ask them to fuck off. “You know I don’t really see the point of that comment. Thank you for raising your concerns but I’m good and I have my doctors to look after me.”

C) Make them look stupid using humour 🙂 “hahaha you think? I actually see myself in the mirror every day so I know how I look like haha. Glad you care so much about MY body.” Emphasise on ‘MY’ to make them look stupid and I promise you they will be embarrassed.

Whatever you decide to do, distance yourself from that person. I used to keep quiet about, but I choose to speak up. It won’t end it I let them hurt me or just throw nasty comments that are pointless tbh.

Message To WOMEN

LADIES! Why are we judging and criticising each other? Don’t we have enough cultures trying to silence us? Jobs STILL paying men more than women (simply cuz they have a 2-inch dick)? Don’t we have enough labels to deal with daily? Sexism??? So really, why are women hating on each other a lot these days?! Why is social media filled with women trying to tear each other apart? Quit your attempt to cyber bully people because YOU lack confidence and respect. Spread love or just work on you, yourself and you. I promise you that I won’t stay quiet if I see a woman skinny shaming and fat shaming other women. So much for ‘Female Empowerment’ lol.

Also, why are we making fun of men now too?😂 We are already have a lot of work to do ladies to get together, so why are we labelling a guy’s masculinity based on how much muscle he has? I understand we all have preferences, but judgement and body shaming is NOT okay. It’s disgusting.

Message To Men

I truly believe that men deal with body image issues, but they aren’t as vocal about it as we are because of this preconceived notion that men shouldn’t express emotions and that being “man enough” is about being tough, going to the gym, drinking protein shakes and being 6”2

Watch this video by Justin Baldoni (AKA Rafael from Jane The Virgin) https://youtu.be/Cetg4gu0oQQ

This platform is open for you to talk about it. There is no judgment here. However, I DO have a problem with “guys” shaming other women about how they should look like. I hope you read my blog properly and understood that masculinity is about RESPECT. It’s about showing your daughter, wife, girlfriend and sister that you love them unconditionally regardless. MEN don’t judge a woman based on how she dresses, how much she weighs and what she eats. “Boys” do that. Actually I call them “baby boys.” Don’t be a baby boy, because you’re the one who is going to lose HER, lose your masculinity and get your ass roasted. I had enough of this bs. And trust me, everyone’s patience runs out eventually. So no matter how much she loves you NOW, she’ll lose all the respect and love she holds in her heart for you sooner or later. Don’t be a dickless baby boy 🙂

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