There is a reason why it’s called ‘Heart break,’ because it breaks you in every way. It breaks your self-image, ruins your confidence, you’re wounded, hurt, hopeless and it shatters your perception of love. Heart break SUCKS! It’s different for everyone so I understand that some people won’t really get this and there are people who feel every word written in this blog…
Coming from a relationship that was very abusive in many ways than I shared in my previous blog [click here to read if you haven’t] having to leave it and go through all of this painful healing nearly KILLED me (literally). I had a lot of suicidal thoughts and the urge more than once to do it. There are days where it comes back like today and days or even weeks where it doesn’t even cross my mind. You can move on from the relationSHIT and stop loving that person but the wounds are still there.
Please, if you’re in a toxic relationship, LEAVE. Yes I still hurt sometimes and I still do have some work to do, but I have also healed 95% from all the shit that happened. I would rather take a round trip than a one-way trip. A round trip takes me back to the pain and feel the emotions so raw like it just happened then come back stronger, reflect and grow from it. A round trip allows me to breathe most days and feel joy and hope again. A one-way trip is being stuck in a dark hole full of pain and unbearable heartache.
Anyone going through a heart break now, trust me when I tell you that I fucking get it. I REALLY do feel for you… I still have days like TODAY where I am on an emotional roller coaster – from laughter to complete silence to tears to smiles again… It fucking hurts, but it also gets SO much better. I never thought I would even say that I healed 95%. I still try to open up and talk about certain things that happened to me, but trust me it is way better than being and living in that terrible moment. Leaving now will get you on the healing journey quicker. There is no easy way around it, you have to feel to heal. I promise you that the journey is SO WORTH IT though. I didn’t think I would have been able to muster up the energy to go through it and the courage to start talking about it.
I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but things do get better and you will see the light eventually… You can never see the light if you’re sitting in the dark and you can’t heal in the same environment you got sick at. I want to thank him for hurting me that way, otherwise I wouldn’t be the woman I am today. I wouldn’t have all that bravery, wisdom and resilience if it weren’t for that heart break. I wouldn’t have reflected on the real reasons that put me in that awful, excruciating position in the first place.
I would love to say to him – Thank You and Fuck You – but his ass has been blocked for MONTHS now
Make sure the next person you date is someone who is KIND, PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING. Someone who really gets you and your healing journey. Someone who is willing to let you take your time with things without feeling under pressure. Of course if you’re completely broken, then you should take the time to focus on yourself and NOT date. AND don’t take someone else’s compassion and patience for granted. Call yourself out when you’re being unreasonable or unfair to them, because what happened to you isn’t HIS/HER fault, it’s whoever hurt you in the past.