I think self-love is one of the most difficult things to achieve. It is so easy to love anyone else and share all the kindness in your heart, but it is SO hard to feel that same way towards yourself. Not only because it takes a lot of altering to your internal dialogue, but also because of this idea that we have been told that loving ourselves is ‘narcissistic’ somehow… There is a huge difference between recognising your values and your strengths and admiring those aspects of you, and being a self-obsessed asshole sitting on their high horse and treating everyone else like they’re beneath them. And it’s like, ummm…? Miss/Sir? No one has wanted to say ‘hi’ to you since 1974, so get off your high horse and give it a rest already.
I’ll get to the tips right away without dragging this further…
Here are some tips on enjoying your own company:
- Take yourself out ALONE – There is nothing ‘weird’ about spending time alone outside, because you’ll be spending hell of a long time with yourself for 80+ years (hopefully) no matter who you end up with. Try maybe taking yourself out for coffee and take your laptop with you to do some work or study. Get a French coffee from Tim Horton’s and a donut, and sit there with your laptop doing some work. Try doing this once a week or every other week.
2. To-do list of movies to watch/books to read ALONE- If you decide to stay in or you’re just be as lazy as I can be sometimes, then you might want to watch a good movie or a tv series with some popcorn or a tub of ice cream, whatever it is that you enjoy. If you prefer reading then get books that you would enjoy depending on the genre that you prefer.
Here are some of the great movies you could watch:
– Get Out
– The Split
– Shutter Island
– The Wolf of Wall Street [Don’t ever watch it with family or anyone under 18 please. A lot of nudity and sexual scenes]
– The Lovely Bones [Saiorse Ronan is amazing]
– I Am Legend [Old but gold. Will Smith RULES]
– The Pursuit of Happiness [Another old but gold Will Smith movie]
– I Feel Pretty
– Bird Box [Sandra Bullock’s movies are the BEST]
– The Blind Side [Sandra Bullock]
– Premonition [Sandra Bullock]
– The Help [Emma Stone]
– Crazy Rich Asians
– Confessions of A Killer [The Ted Bundy movie]
– When They See Us [4 episodes only and based on a true story]
– The OA
– Black Mirror [AMAZEBALLS. Sci-Fi and every episode is a different story with different characters. Best episodes are: Shut Up and Dance, PlayTest, Hang The DJ, NoseDive, White Bear and Black Museum]
– The Good Place
– One Day At A Time
– Breaking Bad
– How I Met Your Mother
– Grey’s Anatomy
– Stranger Things
– Jane The Virgin
– Anime: Death Note <3
3. Create An Atmosphere – Give your room a different vibe that’s uplifting. I got myself fake red roses to put on my desk and a vanilla scented spray for my room. Give it a more positive vibe that YOU enjoy!
4. Gratitude Hour – Give yourself an hour each day to journal everything you’re grateful for. It can be something as small as ‘Got a phone call from an old friend’ or ‘Sunny day!’ Keep a gratitude journal and write a list of things or even a paragraph of what you’re grateful for.
5. Set daily micro-goals – I can be forgetful sometimes especially that as a university student living alone, you got a lot to do on your own. Sometimes I write on some post-it notes stuff that I want to do today, such as:
– Buy groceries
– Read article
– Call my friend
– Tidy desk
– Gratitude journal
Keeping a micro goal list and checking things off your list gives you a sense of ‘accomplishment,’ obviously not the same accomplishment as winning the fucking Oscar award, but at the end of the day you see that you have been productive on your own all day and completed everything you wanted to.
6- Reward YOURSELF – After a rough, long week or any big/small achievement, you reward yourself. Do something you don’t usually do alone. If you don’t usually add bath bombs to your bath, time to get a bath bomb and some bubbles in there. Maybe even reward yourself by going out with a friend. Just treat yourself the way you would treat other people to start developing a friendship with YOURSELF.
7- Listen to podcasts of topics that interest you – Whether you like sports, self-empowering podcasts, etc… look for podcasts that interest you and save them to listen to them when you’re alone.
8- Learn something new – This kind of falls under listening to a podcast or reading a book. One way to keep yourself busy and enjoy your own company, is to learn something new. That can be cooking, a new hobby, a sport or even education. Since last year, I have been interested in learning more about the ‘law of attraction’ (not that kind of attraction, get your head out of the gutter) which is basically a concept that suggests how our recurrent thoughts and beliefs manifest and impact our reality (it’s quantum physics basically and psychology). I watched a documentary called ‘The Secret’ to understand it more and watched videos about it to understand it more. It was such an eye opening concept to understand and read more about.
9- Write a letter to yourself – Sometimes we all need some reassurance and the best person to understand you is YOU. I wrote a letter to myself last year that I look back to when I’m not feeling my best or when I have days where I feel self-conscious. You could write a letter to your younger self and give that person the advice and reassurance you wish you received back then. This is another way you become your own best friend and start to develop a bond.
10- OWN something that broke you in the past!
As I mentioned in one of my blogs before, I was in a toxic relationship where I was constantly body shamed. Recently I found a dress that I once wore when I was with him and I remember how he made a joke about how I don’t get cold during winter because he said that I’m “fat.” Wanna know what I did when I found that dress? I wore it with PRIDE and loved how my body looked in it 🙂 I changed my story and chose to be in control, NOT HIM. NOT ANYMORE. See photos below
NONE of these photos have any filter or edits. You know why? Because those fake filters are one of the big reasons why we’re self-conscious. I like to use them sometimes but not because I want to look “perfect.” I am NOT skinny and I don’t think I’ll ever be. And I know that a lot of guys won’t find that attractive and women (the ones that truly disgust me) who have no respect whatsoever will make comments about my body, but I don’t give two fucks anymore. I don’t label myself as fat, average or thin. I label myself as beautiful and courageous. Also I don’t wear foundation so can we please talk about my skin? 😝
The best inspiration I ever found was when I owned my heartbreaks and pain. Find your inspiration within yourself and watch how fucking invincible you will be.