Owning Who You Are – Be YOU

We live in a society that asks you to be yourself, yet everyone judges you. Ironic, right? This blog will talk about how to “just be yourself!” and how to OWN that! Feel free to read it all or just the sections that are relevant to you.

They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you for being “too ambitious,” “unproductive,” “too hot,” “not hot enough,” “too loud,” “too quiet,” “too thin,” “too fat,” “too energetic,” “too boring,” and the list goes on because they won’t shut the fuck up and mind their own business.

Figure Out Who You Are

I talked a lot before about spending time alone to figure out who you are & what you want but I haven’t explained what to do in that alone time. In a time like this, we literally have all the time in the world to study, talk on the phone, blog, read and many more. So don’t even try to use the excuse of not having enough time. The last thing you want to do is be behind the screen all the time where people are posting negative shit and fake news.

Here is an exercise I want you to do (Don’t be lazy):
  1. Get a notebook or a few papers and write down every category of your life. The human experience really falls down to passion, purpose, career, friendships, family, relationship/love, finances, education, confidence, diet, mental health, physical health, etc…
  2. Next to each category give it a rating out of 10
  3. Write a goal to make the rating a little higher (so if it’s 4/10, make the goal to 5/10 or 6/10. Not higher. It’s a step by step process)
  4. Under each category write down what you don’t like about this category (don’t be afraid to write 2 or 800 – there’s no wrong way around this) and then next to each dislike or underneath it, write what you can do turn it around AND what you want instead. For example:

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]

– Write three positive affirmations after you do all the above then cross out all the ‘dislikes.’ Look at the ‘solution(s)’ and the ‘affirmations’ DAILY.
Example:

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]
* I don’t think I am intelligent enough
[I will catch that thought and remind myself that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter. And I will read more books about XYZ]
Affirmations:
1- I am more than fucking enough
2- I am as intelligent as a German Shepherd
3- I’m the coolest thing since vegan cheese 😉

That’s how you figure out what you dislike and what exactly you want. Doing this exercise you realise the solutions and all the answers that you hold. I know emotional intelligence and mental health are two things that people find difficult to control and this exercise should help you. You can also read my blog about being too emotional – if you find yourself reacting too much or crying easily for instance.

Stop Getting In Your Own Way

This is a tough love section and you need to hear it just like I do.
I’m not dismissing ANYONE’s feelings or circumstances because I know everyone is on a different journey and we all react differently. BUT every single one of us is GUILTY of getting in our own way. Answer this right now, what in the living fuck are you getting out of self-sabotage?? Why won’t you let yourself chill for a MINUTE and take a breather? Why won’t you sit your ass down for an hour and realise that YOU ARE THE ONE SETTING YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS! Yes, you are setting your own limitations when you say you’re not good enough, attractive enough, bla bla bla enough. Some of you even have good things and wonderful people, yet you sabotage by saying “it’s too good to be true. I’m gonna walk away” and then you let yourself back to toxic environments and surround yourself with horse shit, and then you complain that life is hard. Really? You sit on horse shit and complain about shit on your clothes? If you choose to sit on horse shit, get the fuck up, change into cleaner clothes and shower. Don’t complain and jump back in there like ew stop. ‘Horse shit’ is also letting people walk all over you, even if it’s family.

You judge yourself by saying you’re NOT enough even though you REALLY want this particular thing… Like, really? You’re judging it? You don’t get to. If you want a particular thing, stop getting in of your own way. If you have to write down what you CAN control in that situation and implement that, go for it. But if you want to stay in that victim mindset, be my guest and see how that works for you. I can guarantee that till this day it hasn’t worked. You don’t get to complain if you make the DECISION to get in your own way. That shit thought or limiting belief could be knocking on your door all day you don’t have to open that door or even listen. You flip it and you bounce it, you bounce it, you bounce it ALL day if you have to. I can have a doubt or an insecurity 230 times and I still choose to reaffirm 237 times that I’m more than enough. I tell that thought, literally to PISS OFF. If you talk to someone the way you talk to yourself, they would probably dump you right away. Admit it.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

Start implementing changes and STOP voicing an unwanted thought just because you were programmed to believe that. Today, tell that thought ‘Try me’ or ‘Piss off!’ You know what I say every single day? “I’m ALWAYS in control and EVERYTHING is exactly what I say it is.” I’m not anything special, I’m just really fucking dedicated to my own success and you can pick up on that energy any moment. I reached a point where I was DONE giving power to outside opinions or even my own because it’s unproductive. I proclaim my power daily because I refuse to give my power to something so irrelevant to my life. If my body needs to cry, I’ll let it purge, but that won’t interfere with my MIND because my mind is locked on my manifestations.

Wear Your Values with Pride

Values = Ethical values, opinions, standards related to work/people or spiritual beliefs

Here is a personal example:
Since September 2019, I turned vegan for dietary, environmental and ethical reasons. There are a lot of outside perspectives and criticisms from different people and a lot of the things I hear are from cultural perceptions or just stupidity (“How do you get protein?” Watch The Game Changers on Netflix and understand the food chain). Personally I find it VERY insulting when people talk shit about veganism because they don’t pay for my groceries so it’s none of their business. Veganism isn’t harming anyone and everyone has the free will to eat what they want to eat. (Besides all global pandemics came from consuming animal products like bird’s flu and swine flu – vegan for health reasons too). I do believe that I should raise awareness about animal cruelty BUT I DON’T BELIEVE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ATTACK ANYONE.

Even though there is a lot of food in every culture that’s vegan friendly people think they have the right to have an opinion about what I eat that isn’t harming anyone. In my culture, every single meal is served with meat, so I get a lot of ‘jokes’ about that. Do you think I give a fuck? No. Because I believe in my own values and I know why I chose that to begin with. If I don’t agree with something, I either don’t participate or I say something about it. If something is real and important to you, then it is. End of story.

Here is my belief and concept – If I do, say or wear something that isn’t harming anyone or myself, then you don’t get a say in my business. No one has the right to bully you, talk you down, give you ultimatums, manipulate you or patronise you.
My choice of clothing or career is not adding or taking away anything from your life. It’s just very unproductive when people focus on things like that are absolutely irrelevant to their life. You weren’t born to please people and you didn’t sign a contract either. Own and respect your own values first.

Take Your Power Back | Develop MENTAL Resilience

We are conditioned to believe that we’re limited, invaluable and other bullshit. Part of my self-growth journey is that I had to change my internal dialogue by reminding myself every single time “Nope. My body isn’t ugly – that’s my ex talking not me.” I had MAJOR insecurities so I had to catch myself at every thought and replace that thought with something productive, positive or relevant to where I wanted to be with myself. You can call it lying to yourself, but you’re already lying to yourself by saying that you’re unworthy of love or success. Lying to myself worked, and if it felt too much, I would take a break and then I would write down all of my qualities. A quality doesn’t have to be “discovered a new planet” fuck that. Something as small as “made someone smile this week” is good enough. It means I made someone feel 2% better which is a beautiful thing and that’s why I’m beautiful. You see how you can flip and turn a thought into something bigger and so beautiful? If you find it hard to monitor your thoughts, then monitor your feelings. Thoughts create emotions, so if you feel insecure about something, then subconsciously you thought that. Remember, the power lies within you.

Something you HAVE TO understand is that when something happens, you have the opportunity to decide whether it’s good or bad. When I get a text message from someone telling me that I should stop cursing on social media that tells me that I’m doing something right. It shows me that I chose to use my freedom of speech which I’m grateful for to get my point across or to raise awareness. So thank you for the text, it’s a good reminder 🙂 Something like what’s happening in our world now tells me Earth needs to breathe and so do we. Air pollution is falling, people are looking after their health better, we’re counting our blessings (people, food, health, money to purchase things) and being more mindful about what we eat.

I wrote an entire blog about personal resilience so feel free to check it out if you think you need that resource.

Accountability vs Self-degrading

I briefly talked about this before in my blogs but for the purpose of this topic, I will explain the difference between accountability and being self-degrading quickly.
Accountability = Knowing where you went wrong and areas of improvement needed. It’s choosing to look at failure and mistakes as an OPPORTUNITY to evolve and amp up your strengths even more.
Self-degrading = the language you use which puts you down that makes you feel any negative emotion about yourself. It’s blaming yourself and talking to yourself like you talk to a nemesis.

Raise Your Standards

Think of one thing that you want right now, lets say ‘healthy relationship.’ You have to ask yourself what is a healthy relationship to you? Don’t be vague by saying ‘ a gentleman,’ well what’s a gentleman to you? Write down or discuss with someone what you’re looking for in a partner AND the deal breakers. Deal breakers could be – [TRIGGER WARNING]: abusive language, body shaming, degrading, etc… Figure out what is love to you. That also applies to friendships, career, health and many more. Something I heard Mary Jelkovsky say about health is “If IMAGE and NUMBER didn’t exist, what does health look like to you?” In any area of your life, ask yourself what does that mean to you and what are the deal breakers. Raising your standards allows you to cultivate fulfilling relationships and satisfaction in every area of your life. Anything that doesn’t match that standard is what you tell smooth sails and god’s speed if you can’t change that or fix it.

Finding Like-Minded People

For me personally, talking about the environment is also touchy subject for some reason because people CLING to their habits, I am vegan and I believe in the law of attraction (watch The Secret on Netflix), so there’s a lot that I feel like I can’t discuss. That doesn’t mean my beliefs or values are WRONG. It just means I have to find more open-minded people and like-minded communities. So I joined a program called Environmental Leadership where we get to expand our knowledge about the environment and all the volunteers are students my age, and we’re working together on a social action campaign. As for law of attraction, I join social media groups where I can make online friends, be my true self and share my two scents.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

If you have to take screenshots or save this blog, please do so. Don’t just read it and go back to old habits then wonder how to be yourself. Also, remember that the right people are the ones that accept you for who you are and they love being part of your self-development journey.
“I pledge to check in with my feelings every day.”

STOP Comparing YOUR Life To Others

We all find ourselves comparing our lives to other people almost every day. To be honest it can be hard sometimes to shut the outside noise because it’s everywhere. You see people thriving and succeeding in areas you’re trying to grow at on social media, at a workplace, within friendships and many more. You find yourself comparing your physical appearance, your relationships, your success at work or education, etc… This blog will focus solely on how and why you should STOP comparing your life with other people.

Comparing Physical Appearance

Social media is such a misleading world and I know that from personal experience. I need you to understand that when I say that NOT everything is the way it seems, I mean it. Before comparing your body, hair, skin tone, features or whatever, I want you understand the following:

  • You have NO IDEA what other people do to have the body that they have. I personally know people who starve themselves so they avoid social outings, count how many calories they should eat before going out, cutting out food, doing shitty diets like “the water diet” which comes with A LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS. A lot of people struggle to get the body that they want.
  • NOTHING against cosmetic procedures, but a lot of people, especially celebrities get plastic surgery to look a certain way or even get liposuction and they aren’t transparent about that.
  • Applications I have personally used (deleted all these photos) – FaceTune2 and many other applications are used to alter your features like a more defined cheekbone, slimmer nose, bigger lips or to remove eye bags/dark circles, simply to catfish whatever standards society has set for us. Even applications like ‘Make Me Slim Thin‘ to edit their photos (used these too) just to look smaller or have bigger hips. ALL these features are BEAUTIFUL obviously, but you don’t HAVE to look a certain way just because someone else does.
  • MAKE UP – Just go on YouTube and see how people change their skin tone or contour their face to look more ‘defined.’ Even acne can be concealed using make up even though it is something very normal that everyone gets.

Most importantly, know that you are NOT in competition with anyone and if you do feel that way, sorry not sorry, but that is YOUR own insecurity which you need to work on. I have written a step by step blog about how to start loving your body and another one about body dysmorphia in case you need it.

Comparing Your Relationships

This is one of the most common comparisons that I see, and I have been guilty of it in the past. Whether it’s friendships, families or romantic partnerships, this section is for you if you keep comparing.

  • Romantic partnerships: No matter how many screenshots people share with you, no matter how many pictures they post on social media and how much that person talks about their partner, you have NO IDEA what the nature of their relationship is. You don’t know if they’re both faithful to one another. You don’t join every single phone call and you have no idea what arguments they’ve had that they haven’t told you about. How many of you here were constantly posting pictures or videos of your partner/with your partner and your relationship is/was fucking shitty? Most importantly, you don’t need a confirmation of their misery to feel better about yourself. Maybe a happy relationship is the only good thing that person has in their life and you don’t know how far they came to develop a healthy relationship.
  • Friendships: Again, you DON’T know the nature of each and every single friendship. Just because someone has a lot of friends, that doesn’t mean that life challenges, deep rooted insecurities and fears are completely excluded from their life. People like me have been LITERALLY betrayed over 3 times by different friends and have been backstabbed A LOT until I finally developed healthy friendships. Focus on the relationship you have with YOURSELF and then go from there.
  • Family: Let me ask you something, have you lived with their family since the day your friend was born? Do you know every single struggle or difficulty that went down in that house? No. Truth is that you DON’T KNOW SHIT. Whether that person is related by blood or not with that family, STOP COMPARING. It is so unfair of you to say ‘well at least they have a family,’ because maybe that household is so toxic and your friend grew up feeling scared and unloved their entire life. Yes, I do believe we should all be grateful for the big and small things we have, but that doesn’t mean you get to put yourself or others down. Just why?? Not everything is against you ffs. Just like not everyone knows what’s happening in your household, you can’t tell either what’s going on in others lives.

Hard Truth – Your relationships is YOUR responsibility. You’re the one holding the phone and you’re the one who makes a decision each and every single day who you choose to be in your life. YOU choose whether or not to communicate your needs, your voice and your opinions. I’m not saying it’s all easy, but I am saying it is something at SOME LEVEL is in your hands. You have two choices – take control of your relationships or give your power away to others. Your choice if you want to keep giving outside circumstances a voice and keep playing the victim. In a time like this, we need to lean on each other and be more open rather than adding more pressure. I’m sorry, I know I am being so harsh right now, but I am only saying that because I love you guys and I want us all (including myself) to do BETTER.

Comparing Your Success

I understand that we all have goals and aspirations, so it can be hard sometimes to not compare your success to other people when people are constantly sharing and posting. Whatever you define success to be this section still applies to you.

  • I want you to remind yourself that everyone has a different journey. Just because something hasn’t happened yet or it took a completely different turn, it doesn’t mean you’re done. You probably had a lot of times when you fell down and thought you won’t make it but you did or you ended up on a better path. Make this your mantra: “Things Fall Apart To Fall Into Place” – there’s no other way
  • Someone else’s success is NOT an indication of your failure! You both came out of a different womb (or the same one..) at a different time and your heads aren’t popping out of the same body. You are NOT them and they are NOT you. If you want to give your power to other people, be my guest, or you can start declaring that your life is turning around and start applying changes and see how that works for you.
  • Success can happen ANYTIME at ANY age – DO NOT set yourself limitations because of your identity, age or family. Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire!
  • Find or ask for navigation – Instead of looking at them as evidence of your poor performance, use them as inspiration and a way to access information as to how they got to where they got to. Asking for help doesn’t make you ‘stupid’ or ‘not good enough.’ Every single day we all learn and grow, it’s a process and a journey. So you can either continue being a bitch to your ego (sorry again – love you) or you can go ahead and ask for help/advice. Refocus. Refocus. Refocus. It’s a process and it’s okay to make mistakes or even fail.

I don’t want to address this thing happening in the world right now because it’s being talked about EVERY WHERE like there’s no escape. I just want to briefly share a few things you can do in this difficult time, because it really is a difficult time to a lot of people especially that a lot of things I was looking forward to have been delayed so it’s been hard to adjust to ALL OF THAT. Here are things to do at this time INSTEAD of comparing and comparing:

  1. We never have enough time during the rush and the commitments to really spend time alone enough. Take this time to self-reflect by asking yourself what do you want out of life? What are your passions? Who do you aspire to be? What kind of career do you want to pursue? What relationships do you want to develop or form? I would say take the time to rate each area of your life out of 10, ask yourself what have you already done and what else can you do. So for example, if your career life is 4/10, how can you get to a 5/10?
  2. Count Your Blessings – Now that most of us aren’t working, studying, going out or seeing people, it definitely feels lonely like there is nothing to look forward to. Take this time to remind yourself of everything you have and anything you have taken for granted – Health, Friends, Career, Money, Love, Hobbies, Food if you managed to get any at this time, a roof over your head to stay safe, etc..
  3. Learn Something New – I don’t know what you want to learn whether it’s cooking, make up, science, personal empowerment, bla bla bla. Get to it and you can check out SKILLSHARE to help you with all these areas.
  4. Do the things you have been delaying like that dusty old book you’ve been saying you’ll read since 1973
  5. Learn how to look after your mental health and self-care daily. I have a whole mental health category as well or find an online therapist.
  6. Reminder: We are all given this chance to slow down and take some time to ourselves. This is also a time where Earth is breathing – there has been a lot of climate issues, pollution and the Amazon was on FIRE. This time will allow Earth to breath a little from all the litter outside and carbon emissions, etc…
  7. Learn to be more mindful with eating and adopt a healthier lifestyle – Obviously most supermarkets are short on food or completely out of products, so take this time to be more mindful and choose healthier choices (since everyone talks about boosting their immunity system)
  8. PLEASE!! LOOK AFTER ONE ANOTHER!! I know some people are separated from their loved ones including myself, but please lets learn to use this time and understand that life is so damn short and here is the evidence. So call, text, video call or make time to meet if you aren’t on lockdown/living close to each other or if you drive, do spend quality time, express and share how much you care about each other. This is a time where every single one of us NEEDS the support... Let go of the pettiness, the ego, the fears and the insecurities for now – now is not the time for that

New Year, New Me – Officially HEALED!

If you have read my last two blogs, you know that I have been going through depression and I wasn’t feeling present at all as my mind was stuck in the past from a few triggers. I talked in depth about that in that blog and I talked in that second blog about my depression and when I was diagnosed 2-3 years ago.

As a lot of you know, since I started blogging I have been sharing my journey and my healing from a lot of residual past shit. I shared my insecurities and my struggle with body image, self-love, confidence, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and trusting people after a lot of betrayals and heartbreaks. 2019 was solely focused on improving myself image and becoming my own best friend which I did! This year I chose to focus on completely letting go and moving on… It’s safe to say – I HAVE COMPLETELY HEALED!!!!!!

I already shared in my depression blog a few things that I have been doing which really helped me feel better. I haven’t shared my ‘Strict Mental Diet.’ Doing that, I have found my power and my own goddamn crown! I feel more ready than ever for new experiences and relationships, and mostly because I am NO LONGER holding ANY grudges against ANYONE. I DON’T feel angry at anyone or hurt at all – I forgave them all and I really dug deep till I got to the root of every problem (explained in previous blog in depth). I don’t even feel like I need anyone’s apology anymore and it’s safe to say that I developed the peace of mind I have been seeking. I have been taking my time off for that which I am absolutely proud of!

Strict Mental Diet

So what is the mental diet that I’m talking about?
Well, I am in a Facebook group where I posted a 30-Day challenge intended to reprogram our SUBCONSCIOUS minds and to take our power back! Before I talk about this more, let me explain what I mean by ‘3D reality.’ 3D reality is the term I like to use on this world we live in where we perceive our current reality. In your 3D world this person did XYZ, this person said that, this happened to your financial life and this happened to your career life, etc… The truth is, we don’t really know what’s real and what isn’t. There are things always happening beyond our consciousness and not everything is the way it seems.

I talked before about the ‘Law of Attraction,’ which is a law in quantum physics just like the Law of Gravity. The law of attraction states that ‘likes attract likes.’ What does that mean? It means that whatever you believe, think about and emotionalise is what you attract into your life. Do you believe that people are constantly using you? Look at your life, everyone is using you, right? This happens because we keep reaffirming those beliefs based on past experiences or others experiences. That law states that in order to manifest something you ‘Ask, Believe, Receive.’ Apparently this has also been discussed in religions (not sure if in all religions – if you’re religious) , that whatever you ask God, The Universe (whatever you believe in) and you have a firm belief that it will happen WITHOUT reacting to the 3D world, that’s when you’re open to receiving your manifestations. I said ‘this reality’ because according to quantum physics we live in multiverse (science is fucking amazing and fun! Bring on the aliens!). Don’t believe me? Read about ‘string theory’ and ‘double-slit experiment.’

Read or watch The Secret to understand The Law of Attraction better- as a summary it says that in order to manifest something you have to be in vibrational alignment – meaning you have TO BE IT without obsessing over it (for example, you have to feel rich and believe you’re wealthy – that’s a vibrational alignment with wealth) and then you begin to attract it to your life. “You attract what you are, not what you want.” Obviously, you won’t just attract things if you have limiting beliefs deep rooted in you. That’s exactly why I created that ‘Strict Mental Diet’ and I focused on forgiveness as well (explained more in the previous blog). As for ‘scripting,’ I also talked briefly about this in my previous blog, it’s basically writing a paragraph or as many as you want as the type of person you aspire to be and the things you aspire to have but writing it in present tense. I will keep saying this – THE BEST MOTIVATION IS THE ONE YOU FIND WITHIN YOU!

The best thing that I have been doing since last year is focusing on MYSELF! My confidence keeps increasing more and more and I feel so invincible. I am no longer reacting to shit circumstances, because that’s not where I want to invest my energy. I trust and believe that everything is happening FOR ME and NOT TO ME, because I know that I deserve the best. I am worthy and deserving of a full happy life. If anything, I set an example to this world that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOU – true friendships exist, love is real, that everything is a choice and that being fearless is possible.

Affirm these to yourself OUT LOUD AND SAY THEM LIKE YOU MEAN IT:

– I am MORE than fucking enough!
– I am an incredible and magical being!
– Every single day in a variety of ways I am becoming better and better!
– I am fearless and badass!
– I am so fucking powerful!
– I am in control of my life!
– I always get what I want and I am now getting everything that I want!
– I am capable of doing and becoming ANYTHING!
– My success in life is inevitable!

Self-love is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT! Love yourself truly and unconditionally till you see your worth. There is NO SUCH THING as ‘not good enough’ or ‘incapable.’ YOU are setting those limitations for yourself! So take some accountability and stop looking at the world from a small window. Accountability is NOT the same as self-degrading, remember that. Learn to trust whatever you believe in (God/The Universe, etc) without wondering ‘how’ or ‘when.’ When you truly believe in something, you don’t wonder when it’s going to happen or how. Tell yourself now: I am the ‘what’ and the ‘now’ NOT the ‘when’ or the ‘how.‘ Place your order, let it come to you and go after what you want to go after. If ‘fear’ is what’s stopping you, go read this blog for a little push AND this one for ways to deal with that dickhead fear.

I Have Depression – 2020 Healing

If you read my previous blog that I wrote two weeks ago, you have already seen me share that I haven’t been at the right mind frame and I chose to be vulnerable in that previous blog. The reason why I am being more open about this is because I no longer want to feel the need to hide it because mental illness is NOT a shame and it’s time we break the fucking stigma! Also I want to show you that there is a way and how I am currently dealing with it. If this is a topic that could trigger you, please skip and ignore this blog– Your health comes first- Link to my previous blog is here

I was diagnosed with depression 2-3 years ago and my depression can come with and without reason. If you read about it you’ll understand that depression is also caused by chemical imbalance in the brain and many other factors. I don’t always have an answer when I am asked why am I feeling so down, and that’s because I have depression. I was prescribed with anti-depressants at that time and I only took them for a week and stopped because I wanted to know how to cope with my depression without medication. I DO NOT recommend that you do the same – please follow what your health professional advises. The thing is, it takes 2-3 weeks for the pills to kick in and I only took them for a week, so I am not quite sure how effective the anti-depressants were going to be.

I decided to take my healing a bit more seriously the past two weeks – yes I made A LOT of progress last year, but that doesn’t mean I am 100% healed. To be honest, the past month I haven’t been well and so I made changes. I hope this blog inspires you as those two weeks have really helped me, even though I am still recovering from my depression. I feel more healed than I have in 2019, which is a massive progress in 2-3 weeks!

What Have I Been Doing?

  • Allowed myself to feel to heal: One of the things I struggle with is opening up and letting things out. I find it very hard to do that like my tongue is tied and I get uncomfortable, so I decided to get more uncomfortable to push myself out of my comfort zone and grow. The days I needed to cry, I allowed myself to cry and kept telling myself “it’s okay to cry..” and when I needed to be angry, I let myself be angry. I mentioned in one of my blogs before that ALL emotions are healthy as long as they are felt to certain capacity, including anger. It’s how you deal with it and express it is what makes it healthy/unhealthy.
  • Sat with my emotions + got out of victim mindset: In the blog I shared about people who struggle with being too sensitive and overly emotional, to sit down with their feelings as a first step to dig deep and understand the source. As a quick summary, you write down how you feel, then write down why you feel that way and the reason behind that specific trigger(s), then giving yourself compassion and patience like you would with a friend and finally asking yourself how are you going to express it in a healthy way. For more in-depth details, read here.
    As for the ‘victim mindset,’ it’s about time you give yourself the tough love talk. Accepting anything hurtful or traumatic that happened to you doesn’t mean it was OKAY that it happened, it simply means you have reached a point where you gave up the hope that the past could’ve been different.
  • Gratitude – I talk about this A LOT in my blogs. I always write down things I am grateful for every single day, big or small. However, sometimes even when we know we are more blessed than others we still feel tied down or consumed by negative feelings. Someone taught me recently that a great way to really feel gratitude is to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, feel your heart beat and then thank your heart (say it out loud to really hear yourself) that it is ALWAYS beating even though you don’t command it to beat. Your body has been made to keep you alive and help you survive. Some people didn’t even wake up today, yet your heart kept beating…Then you can do the same exercise with your arms and legs or whatever. I even have an alarm on in the morning with the label “Thank you God for blessing me with another day <3”
  • Social Media Detox – I deactivated my social media accounts (except Whatsapp) for almost a week. I just really needed (and still kinda need – I might deactivate again soon) a break. It just feels at the moment that chatting a lot or receiving too many messages is a bit of a pressure on me. I even minimised social outings to really focus on myself rather than other people constantly venting. I have no problem listening to people vent for hours, but sometimes you have prioritise and put yourself FIRST! The next few steps were truly the things that helped me feel better.
  • Facts + Letter Writing: I said in my previous blog that I haven’t been feeling present, and the truth is, we’re not living in the past or the future – All we have is the present. So I decided to look at the facts and compare where I was a few years ago and where I am now and all of the progress I made in life. After doing that, I wrote down my qualities and what makes me uniquely me. Remember, there is ONLY one of YOU and that alone makes you special. Us human beings we each have soooo many layers to us and there is no one else out there like you. Then, I wrote a LONG super empowering letter to myself and then I read it out loud. I wrote five A5 pages, but I’ll only share ONE of those pages:
  • Forgiveness – Forgiveness is something done internal to help you heal, it doesn’t mean that you should let anyone back in your life especially if they have been toxic/abusive. When someone shows you who they really are more than once, believe them. No need to be taught the same lesson twice and go back to the same environment you got sick at, yet expect to be healed. Forgiveness is about letting go of that anger, the hate and the grudge. It’s exhausting to hate someone, so what I did is that I wrote down all the names of anyone that has harmed me, then I went through each name every night and I said out loud 3 times “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I don’t believe it’s okay what they did, you’re responsible for your actions so whatever you do is on you – but from my understanding (again, not an excuse) is that hurt people, hurt people. They probably grew up in a sick environment and that’s why they don’t know how to love in a healthy manner. I wish them healing so no one else gets hurt by them.
  • Focus on What’s Important – Thank God I have emotional intelligence! Even if you don’t, then it’s time to practice it. I told myself over and over again “listen, maybe now you don’t want to do anything and you don’t give a damn. But you and I both know that when you fall into that loop of depression you go deeper. You don’t care now, but you will in a couple of weeks because you have deadlines and commitments.” I went to every single class, completed any tasks I had on time and just really stayed on top of things with my university. To me, being productive is helpful as it reminds me that I am actually doing something – learning and developing for my future career. I decided to separate my ‘working hours’ from my ‘alone time’ hours. That way I was reminded that I have other things to look forward to.
  • Cancelling Negative Thoughts – I wrote an ENTIRE blog (read here) about taking control of overthinking especially if you’re getting consumed by these thoughts. The technique I share there (which someone dear to me shared it with me first) is really helpful for unhelpful thoughts and fears as well. Personally, I am NOT struggling with major insecurities as I overcame most of them (that’s actually why I was diagnosed with depression – I had insecurities about my intelligence, my looks/body and my personality + I was bullied a lot my entire school life). Insecurities pop up from time to time of course and that’s normal, so understand that there is a fine line between being an insecure person and being insecure about something. Can we quit those shit labels? Thank you. As I understand of course the impact of poor self-esteem, you can check this Self-Confidence category that I created, where I talk about self-love, body image and self-esteem.
  • Self-validation – STOP seeking validation from other people and give it to yourself like you would give a 5 year old. Literally I would tell myself “I’m proud of you for doing your chores today when all you wanted to do is sleep.” or something as small as “I am proud of you for making a friend smile even though you wanted to be alone.” Constantly give yourself that validation and love from yourself!
  • Meditation
  • Listening to motivational podcasts/watching videos. Listing some of them at the end of the blog.
  • Letter to Fear – I call that little voice that tries to tell me ‘You might fail’ or ‘You suck at this’ Little Gremlin (more like Little Dumb Fucker). So I wrote a letter to Little Gremlin and I read it out loud. I kept this letter and the one I wrote to myself to read them whenever I need to. Be your own hero and give yourself that power! Rely on yourself, people are just the icing of the cake. Let people support you and be there for you but not to the extent where they become the crutches to your emotions.
  • Mental Diet – As you can see in the letter, I ended it saying “I am writing my own story now.” Literally, that’s what I have been doing. I have been writing the person I aspire to be and the future I want to have and all the endless possibilities to that. Knowing what I want to do, be and where gives me a navigation as to what to do next. You see with depression, if I let myself feel low for a couple of hours, I will go to a state of hopelessness and I spend the day doing nothing but feeling like absolute crap. So always finding navigation, fighting fear and unhelpful thoughts, writing empowering letters to myself to find the inspiration within me + reminder to be present and being grateful really helps me feel better.

I am feeling better, but I am still recovering. I really don’t feel like texting much and I don’t want the pressure of being around a lot of people. I have been minimising that as much as I can, but not cut-off completely like I did for a week. I am feeling like myself more – back to cracking jokes like my usual self and dressing up when I feel like it, but I still need some time. I’m not 100% ready to open up FULLY – but I am getting there and I feel more trusting and even more ready to be present in all of my relationships. I need the reassurance sometimes, but being around too many people right now and social activities is a bit too much for me.

Honestly if anything, I am so grateful. Every person that I have asked to give me space has respected that. Some people even surprised me with their support even though we aren’t close, the point of this is that people can be good. Like really good and supportive – don’t you dare take them for granted or let them go. Also, give yourself credit for still standing and pushing through. You deserve it <3

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

Something Changed

The past few days, something struck my mind. It still is on my mind and as I am entitled to my privacy, there are some gaps that won’t be filled or explained in this blog. I feel the need to write this blog to show you that even bloggers who write about healing and inspiration, themselves have inner work to be done. Social media is either a fake perfect world or an Instagram page full of gloomy quotes, which is unrealistic. And in those past two days, something within me changed. Some of you might relate and understand, others won’t and that’s okay… I think that’s the most vulnerable I’ll be in my blogs.

Last week I was working on forgiving and letting go. I wrote a list of people that I want to forgive to cleanse my soul more and as I went through every name I said “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I even contacted two of these people to tell them that I have forgiven them and that I have moved on to close that door completely. Whilst going through every name, I got a wave of memories and things I felt in those specific moments that were very overwhelming. My soul felt heavy like I have weight on my chest, but working through forgiveness allowed me to feel lighter for 2-3 days, then for some reason I found myself not feeling well.

As I always like to take time off and really sit with myself, I realised that there is only one person that I am finding it so hard to forgive. That one person is me. I am aware that I am not responsible of others actions and that no one deserves to go through any of the things I have been through, but for some reason, I am still holding that grudge against me. I feel responsible – like I could have avoided all of that if I had left or done something earlier. I do understand that it is all in the past, but that’s not why I am angry. I am angry at the long-term effect it has on me (again, can’t share everything) and I just want to break-free.

In a way, I feel trapped in my head. Like I am disinterested in social activities and long conversations. I feel like being away from social media as well. I’m almost depressed. I don’t feel as present and I really need to focus on my commitments. I believe that I owe it to myself to forgive myself and be more self-compassionate. As I have been feeling really low, I want to take some time off and be alone for a bit. I have enough noise in my head. Maybe a part of me does need a little reassurance, but I also really need to disconnect in order to reconnect to the world. Currently, I feel alone because I’m trapped in my head. So I decided to put my mental health and myself first by deactivating my social media accounts as soon as the 24 hour period on my Instagram story runs out, where I promote this blog. I just want to focus on my healing, limit contact and stay focused on my commitments. I want to really sit with myself and let it all out without any distractions.

I would like to end this blog post on a positive note either way and say that we all deserve to celebrate our progress no matter how big or small they are, and we all grow through healing. We all learn from the past to be our best self in the present and future. So don’t give up and make the most of every day. Sending you all tons of love and light. I will be back with better blogs when I get my energy levels back up and when I improve my mental health.

Why Am I Too Emotional?

I had a time in my life where I was overly sensitive. Anything big or small made my cry, hurt or it made me feel really angry! It was a tough phase for me and I wasn’t entirely sure why I was feeling the way I was… This is a blog that will help you understand how to sit with your emotions, understanding why you get too emotional, and ways to deal with that… There is a fine line between dealing with your emotions and suppressing them. Here is the difference:

Suppressing emotions- Holding back and trying to resist the tears or the feeling. The reason why this is an unhealthy way to ‘cope’ is because you’re not coping at all. What happens is that you hold back, bottle it up inside and then you bury it deep down. After that at some point, you IMPLODE as the emotions re-surface. We usually suppress or hold back because of one or more of these reasons:

  • Childhood– Wherever you grew up and whoever you were raised by, you were probably always told to stop crying or just calm down when you were upset or crying. From a young age we are taught that feeling ‘sad’ or getting ’emotional’ is somehow negative that it becomes subconscious. What to do? Well first of all understand that all emotions are important to be felt to a certain capacity, including happiness. It’s OKAY to NOT be okay sometimes. Being ‘too emotional’ becomes unhealthy when it gets in the way of your day-to-day tasks, work life/studies or your social life. Next, go ahead and read those two blogs about reprogramming your subconscious mind- Blog 1 I Blog 2 [Re-read as many times if you need to and save them]
  • Ego– Don’t say ‘no!’ You know it’s your pride getting in the way when it is. And in that case, I think you have to tell yourself to swallow your damn pride and let yourself be HUMAN. You are NOT meant to be a ROBOT, you’re meant to be human. You’re NOT meant to be perfect, you’re meant to be imperfect and that’s how you learn to grow. That’s what also makes you uniquely YOU! Being emotional is NOT a sign of being pathetic – WE ALL BREAK. That’s how we let it out and feel to heal.
  • Society’s Effect- There is this belief by society that a ‘real man’ doesn’t cry. There is also this other belief that when a man cries, it must’ve taken him a lot of courage to be vulnerable but a woman being vulnerable means that she is just seeking attention. Those two social norms are reasons why people suppress and hold back. Now listen to me, ‘facts’ become ‘facts’ when a thought or a perception becomes accepted by a lot of people. Just because this is part of the 1000 people’s belief system it doesn’t mean it has to be yours. There are 7.7 billion people in this world, alright? There is at least one person out there who will accept and love you for who you are. So the reality is that rules are bullshit and you can always make your own rules – You DONT have to be a follower!
This is something I wrote before on Instagram about being ‘man enough’

Dealing with Emotions – You sit down with yourself, dig deep to find the source and find a healthy way to cope, which I’ll show you how to do.

Why The Heck Am I Too Emotional?

  • Look at your childhood/past – There is a reason why we are who we are today. We are all SHAPED by our past but that doesn’t mean it HAS to be our eternal identity. If you had a childhood trauma, something big or small (for example: You grew up in an abusive home, you felt left out in school, you lost a family member) then it’s NORMAL to get a little too emotional over small things. Does that mean you CAN’T change that? No. You can still have some control over your emotions without dismissing them. I’ll get to that in a bit. Or it can be a heartbreak or something that happened to you a year ago that has affected you deeply – Understand there is a difference between MOVING ON and FORGETTING. There are things that we will ALWAYS remember, so you don’t have to forget to have ‘moved on.’ Establish that difference and know that even when you move on, sometimes it comes back because a lot of damage has been done and not missing or not loving someone anymore doesn’t mean all the hurt is gone.
  • Stress – Look at where you’re currently at: Who are you usually around? What do you do every day? Where do you go? The environment that you’re at could be contributing to your stress levels or the people around you could be too negative about life or constantly complaining about things. Maybe it’s stress from work or university or simply fear of something. If you have fears that you’re not quite sure how to control or overcome, go read this blog and this one for a little push, I promise if you implement these it will help.
  • Hormone imbalance – Speak to your doctor and get a check up every 6 months.
  • Change in sleeping or poor/unhealthy eating habits – Again, speak to your doctor and find solutions.
  • Low SELF-ESTEEM– I have written A LOT of blogs about this and I will still write even more. In that case, check out my Self-love And Confidence Category.
  • Mental health – Emotions = Brain chemistry I No matter where you’re at with your spirituality or life, sometimes our brain chemistry is unbalanced and that’s exactly why we’ve been blessed with mental health professionals. Don’t dismiss that by saying that you just need to be more spiritual. Yes, I do believe that God can heal you in 0.5 milliseconds, but if you break your arm now you won’t sit down and wait for God to heal you. God blessed us with hospitals, doctors and therapists/psychologists for a reason. Anyone who tells you that the problem is with you not praying enough, tell them to suck a dick. You mean to tell me that the most holy people in this world don’t lose family members to diseases or old age? We all go through stuff sometimes and that’s life.

    Here is the ‘Mental Health‘ category with all of my blogs surrounding mental health issues and how I dealt with them. If it doesn’t help, please seek help ASAP. It’s not a shame.

Sitting With Your Emotions

The problem with a lot of us is that we refuse to face our demons. So what happens is that we put on a bandage and conceal the wound for a while till we bleed again because the scar is still there. The scar will always be there if you don’t identify the source of your emotions and DEAL with it rather than suppress it. The worst has already happened and you have survived 100% of your bad days – this won’t kill you. Last night I sat with myself because I know that throughout my entire life I’ve had many different traumas and there is still some healing needed. Yes, in doing that I felt VERY overwhelmed and mentally DRAINED that I had to shut my phone for a bit (I call it disconnect to reconnect), but I did it and today is a new great day!
Here is how you deal with your emotions: [Get a pen and paper]

Step 1: Ask yourself now – How Am I Feeling?
Step 2: Why Am I Feeling This Way? (Dig deep – why did that particular thing bother you to that extent? What triggered it in the first place? What caused that trigger in the first place?) Be honest – it’s just you with yourself
Step 3: Give yourself love, patience and self-compassion like you would with a friend. Imagine a close friend or yours or your sibling or lover called you crying and told you they feel this way – What would you tell them? How would you reassure them? Do the same thing with yourself.
Step 4: How Will I Express My Feelings In A Healthy Way? If you don’t have an answer to that, imagine a child (a younger sibling, cousin or any child) came to you feeling that way, what is a healthy way you would encourage them to express their feelings?

I know you might be thinking that this won’t help but hear me out please –
1- When you write things down, your thoughts really begin to flow. Think of a time you were writing an essay or a story and you didn’t know from where to start, but then as soon as you started writing it all began to flow. Be patient with yourself.
2- If you’re going to take some time off then you might as well make use of this time than waste it on self-pity (sorry not sorry… tough love is needed sometimes). Just because you don’t have an answer IMMEDIATELY, it doesn’t mean you will never know or be okay. The shit happened TO YOU – You experienced it and felt it, so YOU hold all the answers you’re seeking.

*** Read or re-read this blog about developing personal resilience***

“Sometimes I Wish I Don’t Feel At All”

You have no idea how many times I have said this… In fact, I had a terrible phase where I completely numbed myself and it was awful. I would go to birthday parties and NOT feel anything. Everyone around me would be laughing and taking pictures, while I stood there trying to make myself feel something. Feeling numb really sucks… It’s not as good as you think it is.… I have been told many times in the past that the fact that I care too much about my friends is a weakness – I say, if someone is a piece of shit that’s on them not me. I am glad I ALWAYS gave all of my love and support because now I know I have no regrets and there is nothing that I could’ve done and didn’t do. I am not responsible for anyone’s actions but myself, so if someone is a dickhead- THAT’S ON THEM NOT ME.

Getting drunk, sleeping around, binge eating, binge sleeping and all those ways people react to emotions to try to numb them doesn’t really do anything but delay the healing. At some point you’ll wake up, you’ll stop drinking and you’ll stop eating and then reality will hit you hard again!

Instagram: @chocolizza8

Reminder: Do What Frightens You

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard the terrible news of the famous basketball player that passed away, Kobe Bryant and his daughter. Whether or not you knew him before the new and regardless of what kind of person he way, I know for a fact that news like this can get us all thinking about life in general.

Rest In Peace

I only heard of Kobe a few times, as I am not that up-to-date with sport celebrities. I only saw him in a few videos, like on James Cordon’s episode of ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.’ So I was more shocked to hear the news than anything really since I never really followed Kobe on any of his social media accounts. It got me thinking though which terrified me – This man had a daughter and a wife… His daughter died with him and his wife was waiting for both of them to make it back, and they DIDN’T. How scary is that? Knowing that in a blink of an eye people can be taken away from us… The thing is, we always say that when we hear about someone famous or a family member/friend passing away, yet we still go on our lives fighting over petty shit and missing out on opportunities or experiences, because we say ‘We still have time.’ Well I’m sure those who passed away didn’t think the day before that they were out of time…

You might be reading this and thinking “what a sad blog.” Before you press ‘exit,’ let me remind you that all of my blogs are written in the pursuit of personal empowerment and giving others a sense of inspiration. Talking about reality might be sad but we have to face it at some point, and the reality is that we can lose people any minute. So take the damn time and think of everything that scares you – AND DO THEM ALL! Nope, I am not asking you to jump without a parachute, that’s just reckless and dumb. If it’s something reckless or inappropriate then DONT do it. I’m saying stand up for what you really believe in, go after those dreams you’ve always had, do more good to this world and raise awareness, love with an open and big heart and fight for those you care about, go after that job opportunity you’ve been delaying because you were so afraid of getting ‘rejected.’ Rejection is part of life! You WILL BE rejected from jobs, friends, lovers and so on. That is just part of life but you never know until you try and sometimes it’s better to know than wonder if it would’ve worked out and live in regret. Sometimes even rejection takes you to paths you never thought you’d cross!

Go after what’s impossible if it feels at some level that it can be yours. Fight the greatest enemy in the world – FEAR – Refuse to let it invade your mind and control your feelings and actions. Quit running and delaying – JUST FUCKING DO IT! If you’re still thinking about it, then you still want to go for it – SO GO AFTER THAT DREAM NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS – Because life is too short to spend it with those who don’t support you or appreciate your company. If you keep running from the things that scare you, you might miss out on something really good that could’ve added more value and spark to your life. If the people within your circle love you enough, they will come around at some point and if they don’t, then they don’t care as much as you want them to.

Really ask yourself now – What do I want in life? What moments do I want to experience? What memories do I want to make? Which people do I want to spend the most time with? Which paths do I want to pursue? What will I regret of I run or delay it further? Who are my real friends that want to see me happy and I can trust 100%? Who do I really want in my life? What things have I wanted to stand up for and I haven’t? What have I been wanting to say out loud but too scared? If you’re still too terrified to take action, then go ahead and read my previous blog about overcoming fears and negative beliefs here. We’re all afraid of at least one thing, and because I didn’t want to think deep about this topic (which I ended up doing like a mofo), I refused to text/call people I care about and tell them how much before it’s “too late.” [Even the thought of it sucks]. So, being the not-so-courageous person I am, I wrote this: (See photo below)

Since last year, I have made big changes internally and externally which I regret none of – distancing myself from emotional vampires and energy suckers that don’t add value to my life or appreciate my presence was one step closer to a happier life. From this day onwards, I won’t be ‘not-so-courageous’ and I will embrace every moment of my life. I came into this world alone with my own life and I’ll leave it alone, so how I choose to live it and the obstacles I choose to overcome will be in my hands. Same goes for you – the ball is in YOUR court and life is lived on your terms – not your culture or society’s expectations. And just because I am writing this blog it doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, I still very much do, but every hour of the day is time to make a decision – time to act and be brave!

Ask yourself today, on a scale of 1-10 where am I at with my career life? (just an example). Lets say your career life is 6/10 and friendships 3/10, ask yourself what you can do today to up to a 7/10 in career life and 4/10 in friendships? It’s okay if the answer doesn’t come right away, you WILL figure it out!

Sending tons of love and light to anyone grieving right now… And please remember that just like bad things can happen out of the blue, wonderful news arrive any minute! Also, you can always create NEW beliefs – check out those blogs here.

Consumed By Negative Thoughts – Solutions

We all have 103004094 thoughts every single day (metaphorically), so we are bound to have a negative thought here and there. However, it becomes mentally draining when the thought of something leads to another 78, and you start to get consumed by these thoughts. You might even find yourself feeling down or angry at something/someone just by overthinking. Now I am NOT a mental health professional, this is a blog that I am writing based on my personal experience as someone diagnosed with anxiety. These are all things that I have either discovered myself, online or with a professional.

Overthinking

Here are two ways to quiet your mind:

  1. 4-fold breath: You take a nice deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for just 4 seconds. Repeat this technique for 5 minutes and you’ll notice a difference with how you feel and you’ll be calmer.
  2. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: This is a technique done to bring your awareness back to the presence. Get a pen and paper, and write down the following:
    Write down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel (anything you’re touching, sitting on, holding, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

Now that you’ve calmed down a little, it’s time to work on that recurring fear or negative thought that’s either affecting you, your social life, your relationships, your career life and so on. Again, understand that it is NORMAL to have fears and thoughts as we’re all humans, but it becomes a problem when it affects you and your life.

Negative Thoughts

The reason why an entire blog is being written on this topic rather than telling you to just ‘STOP’ thinking that way is because that is complete and utter bullshit. If I tell you now to NOT think about a frog, stop thinking about frogs NOW; what are you thinking about now? Let me guess – Frogs.

So here is a technique I was taught recently by a lovely friend for fears and negative thoughts.
1- Grab a pen and a paper/journal/notebook
2- Write down the fear/thought
3- Underneath that, write ALL the logical reasons why that fear/shit thought won’t happen.
4- Cross out the fear/thought you wrote down
5- Write down positive affirmations [The ‘why’ is explained in this blog]

Keep reflecting back to this whenever you stress again

Here are two examples of this exercise:

Example 1:
Negative thought/fear My friends will get bored of me eventually
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– They told me I am fun to be around
– They still hangout with me
– We are closer this year than last year
– They took care of me when I was down so they do care
– We share a bond
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am loved. I am surrounded by people who like me and love me. I am a good friend. I am more than fucking enough. I am fun and interesting. I am worthy of true friends. We are closer than before. We are having an amazing time together. We are spending quality time together. We are taking care of each other. We have fun together.

Example 2:
Negative thought/fear I might fail my exams
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– I studied all the relevant material
– I spent X hours doing research
– I revised with my friend before the exam
– I gave a lot of my time and energy to this
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am intelligent. I am capable of achieving great things. I have the ability to go above and beyond. I am fucking smart. I am a hard worker. I am tenacious.

Other blogs that might be helpful:
Anxiety
Social Anxiety
Body Dysmorphia
Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
Enhancing Self-Confidence

50 Facts About Me

1. My name has different meanings:
– In Pakistani: Every day/Daily
– In Albania: Flower of the evening
– Combination name: Rose+Anna (Rose= the flower, Anna= Grace)
– Name origin: Latin, Germanic, Greek & Hebrew (wow that’s a lot of ‘origins’)

2. Horoscope:
Sun – Sagittarius
Moon – Leo
Rising – Cancer
Sun is personality centre, Moon is private emotional self (pfft..) and Rising sign is surface-level personality as in how others perceive me. I DON’T 100% believe in those signs, but I do relate at some level.

3. I like anime even though I only watched Death Note

4. My favourite country that I have visited so far is TURKEY

5. Longest friendship I have had is 10 years with a male and still going strong 🙂

6. I have broken 2 bones in my body almost 3 times

7. I usually develop crushes on handsome TV VILLAINS 😉 Not superheroes.

8. I would love to learn Spanish and how to play the guitar

9. I believe that aliens exist 🙂 Not necessarily green weirdos, but I am certain there is something out there ‘alienish-like’ that hasn’t been discovered.

10. I’ve been vegan for almost 5 months

11. I LOVE story-based gameplays (video games)

12. I never played a ‘Lie Detector Test’ game and I would love to!

13. A few years ago, I went scuba diving and snorkelling in the Red Sea

14. I can barely tolerate spicy food!

15. The worst date I have been on was going out to the park with a guy because I was too distracted and repulsed by the fact that he hadn’t brushed his teeth and he even said so… (who says that?) Poor hygiene is the BIGGEST turn off

16. One of my biggest pet peeves is walking behind someone awfully slow….

17. I was obsessed with Backstreet Boys and Nickelback as a teenager

18. I once accidentally told someone ‘Congratulations’ instead of ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’ I don’t know how… but they laughed so hard….

19. I’m afraid of cats but NOT dogs

20. I inhaled helium from a balloon before as I saw on YouTube that it changes the pitch of your voice… and it did for a few seconds (that’s dangerous though so don’t do it)

21. I DON’T believe in twin flames or love at first sight, but I do believe in soulmates and love.

22. I never cried from a vaccination as a kid

23. I can’t tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca Cola

24. I love science and I only believe something that is backed up by science

25. A weird snack combo that I enjoy is carrots dipped in hummus

26. I love popping things!

27. My scariest moment was when I went to an Escape Room in the theme of horror! It was super exhilarating and intense, but too fucking scary that I left halfway through the game…

28. I have a tendency to blurt things out or speak before thinking.. which I either end up making myself & others laugh or spending the rest of the day feeling like a dumbass

29. I’m left-handed

30. I can speak Arabic but I don’t really read or write in Arabic

31. I want to learn sign language one day

32. As a kid, I thought that babies were delivered from the belly button…

33. Cereal first. Milk second. Period.

34. I hear ‘Laurel’ NOT ‘Yanny’

35. I’m an ambivert (extroverted + introverted)

36. I have never been to a colour festival and I would LOVE to!

37. I once laughed in my sleep till I woke up from the dream (if only I could remember what that dream was)

38. I had a lucid dream ONCE a long time ago

39. My favourite coffee from Starbucks is Chai Latte with oat milk

40. I dislike DISCONNECTED beards. That’s like a really bad Wifi connection… You either have a beard or you don’t.

41. Pineapple on pizza is an ‘OKAY.’

42. I HAD a Tinder account as a Hoejabi… Turns out it’s a hook-up app, not a dating app..

43. I can’t help but laugh when someone trips, even if it’s me….

44. My guilty pleasure is binge watching on Netflix… like literally finishing two seasons of The Good Place in one day and an entire season of Stranger things in less than 24 hours… cuz I’m a Strange Thing..

45. I never got a tan, just sunburnt

46. I have received 3 red roses anonymously during Valentine’s before

47. I’m obsessed with nature – waterfalls, green grass, lakes…

48. The first book I read when I was 14 was called ‘Zenda: A Light From Within’ even though I don’t read that many books but I will this year

49. Being the clumsy fuck I am, I have grabbed the wrong hands by accident…

50. I have a strong intuition where a lot of times I can tell what someone is about to tell me before they do and I can sense how someone feels/their energy via text even… I can even tell sometimes something others have been through without them telling me (and I have always been right about that…). I can sense as well things that are about to happen soon or I see them through my dreams..

The POWER Lies Within You <3

It’s 04:00 in the morning and I am supposed to head to bed, but I felt SUPER INSPIRED to write this! I have been wanting my first blog of 2020 to be FUCKING BOMB, but I wasn’t sure which blog post to share – THIS IS THE ONE <3 Whether this year has begun wonderful or stressful so far, LET ME give you that positive energy that I hold within. Most importantly, I will answer the question I get a lot which is “how do you keep your vibes up?”/ “how are you always happy?” [Obviously I am NOT ALWAYS happy, but I am like 90% of the time]

“As above, so below, as within, so without.”
Ever heard of that saying? This quote explains that your internal energy reflects the external. But how? Us human beings, we are logical beings, so I will explain this logically before jumping to give you some GOOD vibes and energy, as I write this from the heart! In quantum physics, there are laws just like the law of gravity, in this case, I am talking about the law of attraction. Law of attraction states that likes attracts like, so whatever thoughts and beliefs you hold depending on how and where you were raised and your life experience – THAT IS WHAT MANIFESTS INTO YOUR LIFE – I know what you’re thinking… ‘That’s bullshit.’

Nope. Trust me, it is NOT. Let me ask you something RIGHT NOW – do you believe that you’re unlucky? If you answered ‘yes,’ how are things working out for you? My guess is that you’re always hitting roadblocks and an awful luck. Ever looked at someone who perceives themselves as ‘lucky?’ Lucky people perceive themselves that way, and that’s what they became. Still don’t believe me? Well let me convince you.

Close your eyes now and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM POWERFUL”
Open your eyes.
Close your eyes again and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM WEAK”
Open your eyes.

Do you notice the difference in how you felt and your posture? That’s how powerful our words, thoughts and emotions are. Psychology states that the moment you say ‘I AM’ that is what you start to become. How many of you here say “I AM BROKE?” What’s your circumstance now? Now think back to a time where you were financially stable and just remember how you perceived yourself in that moment and how you felt. Obviously, roadblocks are a part of life, but we do have massive control over our circumstances. When you were financially stable, at some point before that you visualised yourself as wealthy in future and you felt it in your heart centre. The more you believe a thought and emotionalise it, that is what you start to become. The more you focus on something, the more you start to notice it every where. If your focus is on stress and struggle, you see even more stress and struggle. What you direct your focus on is what you see, think and feel more of.

If you want to understand this topic on a deeper level, go watch The Secret or read the book. Either way, I will in future write a blog specifically for the ‘Law of Attraction’ and explain more the process of ‘ask, believe, receive.’ These have been proven by quantum physics, psychology and even in a lot of religions if you’re religious. I will also share REAL LIFE examples and experiences, and how I CHANGED my belief system for the better. For the time being you can check out my other blog about reprogramming your subconscious mind here.

YOU hold SO MUCH POWER within you! Believe it or not, YOU are your own hero. People can bring you down, yes. People can hurt you. Life can be unfair. But the choice to get on your healing journey and be a badass is one that YOU make! You are capable of doing almost ANYTHING – YES YOU ARE! Stop setting yourself limitations and being a slave to FEAR (F.E.A.R. = False.Evidence.Appearing.Real.) So get up and get yourself feeling AMAZING! READ THESE OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF NOW:

I am CAPABLE.
I am RESILIENT.
I have the ability to go above and beyond.
I rise above any circumstance.
I am STRONG!
I am TALENTED!
I am FUCKING POWERFUL!!!!!!

How Do I Keep My Vibes Up?

– Daily affirmations:
Every single morning AND night, I affirm out loud who I am! “I am confident, calm and complete.” “I am MORE than fucking enough!” “I am calm & in control of my emotions.” “I am the best version of myself.” “I am happy and enjoying every moment of my life.” As I say these, I feel it in my soul and stomach, and I say it like I fucking mean it. If you start your morning with “this day already sucks,” every little thing starts to piss you off and everything goes wrong.

– Intention:
I cannot stress the power of our intentions. Let me give you a past example – As the dumb teenager I was, I was mostly attracted to fuckbois/bad boys. I intended to be with a fuckboi one day (I did mention that I was a dumb teenager) and I always pictured in my head that would be the next ‘boyfriend.’ And guess what? I ended up with a fuckboi for 3 years… Early last year, I made a list of ‘Must haves’ and ‘Deal Breakers’ for every single person that comes into my life. The ‘must haves’ are the qualities that I believe the people that I’ll be around the most should hold and the deal breakers are the characteristics that I know will let me pack a bag and hold a sign of ‘See You Never,’ which led me to end a 6-year friendship and develop BEAUTIFUL relationships and enhance the ones I already have. So the moral of this story is to set a daily intention – Today I will be….. Today I choose to…. and that’s what I look forward to the rest of the day. What you intend becomes your focus, and what you focus on is what you begin to manifest.

Gratitude:
I remind myself DAILY the things I am grateful for – big AND small. Start with a list of 5 things, then add another 5, and keep on adding another 5 till you’re done. This could be something as small as ‘had a coffee with a friend’ or ‘heater at home.’

Close up of a woman hand writing on a notebook outdoor lying on the grass in a park

– Daily goals:
Every single night, I plan the next day. And when I say set daily goals it doesn’t have to be ‘Become Einstein and read all physics books.’ Just tasks AND reminders throughout the day to look forward to. Win the night to win the morning. Win the morning to win the day.

– Daily Motivational Video/Podcast:
Since mid 2018, I have been watching daily videos that give me a little boost. I will post some of them at the end of this blog.

Meditation (Sometimes)
I have an application called ‘Insight Timer’ and obviously, YouTube.

Self-love Reminder:
I give myself that love to myself daily (and no it’s not narcissistic, ice your clits/balls). I either write down reasons why I am worthy of a magical life and why I am a great person or I write a short letter (even one paragraph) or some notes to myself. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone to every relationship in your life. You are the most important person in your world, and if you’re not, start reading my self-love and confidence blogs.

Be present:
We all have thoughts flowing here and there all the time. So I do those two:
1) 4-fold-breath: Breathing in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for 4 seconds. Repeat till you relax.
2) 5-4-3-2-1 method: Writing down 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (for example: back touching the chair, foot on the floor, phone in hand, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. – Bring yourself back to the present

– Enjoying my own company:
I wrote an entire blog about this here

– Make myself laugh:
Maybe it’s my sense of humour, but I make myself laugh DAILY!! Whether it’s making jokes with my friend on the phone, watching a sitcom or whatever it is that you need to do, just make yourself LAUGH. To me, laughter is the BEST medicine. I discovered an Instagram filter recently and I just kept messing with it and laughing my ass off. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Two more videos?

*Has assignment submission* Me: Turns into a pig.

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

P.S.: Every emotion/feeling is healthy to a certain capacity. If someone passed away tomorrow, feeling ‘happy’ won’t do you shit. So understand that all emotions are essential – it’s about how you deal with it and the capacity of that feeling. So no, it is NOT healthy to be happy ALL THE TIME. [Coming from a happy person]. You are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to be uniquely you. You are not meant to be a robot. You’re meant to be HUMAN.