Reminder: Do What Frightens You

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard the terrible news of the famous basketball player that passed away, Kobe Bryant and his daughter. Whether or not you knew him before the new and regardless of what kind of person he way, I know for a fact that news like this can get us all thinking about life in general.

Rest In Peace

I only heard of Kobe a few times, as I am not that up-to-date with sport celebrities. I only saw him in a few videos, like on James Cordon’s episode of ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.’ So I was more shocked to hear the news than anything really since I never really followed Kobe on any of his social media accounts. It got me thinking though which terrified me – This man had a daughter and a wife… His daughter died with him and his wife was waiting for both of them to make it back, and they DIDN’T. How scary is that? Knowing that in a blink of an eye people can be taken away from us… The thing is, we always say that when we hear about someone famous or a family member/friend passing away, yet we still go on our lives fighting over petty shit and missing out on opportunities or experiences, because we say ‘We still have time.’ Well I’m sure those who passed away didn’t think the day before that they were out of time…

You might be reading this and thinking “what a sad blog.” Before you press ‘exit,’ let me remind you that all of my blogs are written in the pursuit of personal empowerment and giving others a sense of inspiration. Talking about reality might be sad but we have to face it at some point, and the reality is that we can lose people any minute. So take the damn time and think of everything that scares you – AND DO THEM ALL! Nope, I am not asking you to jump without a parachute, that’s just reckless and dumb. If it’s something reckless or inappropriate then DONT do it. I’m saying stand up for what you really believe in, go after those dreams you’ve always had, do more good to this world and raise awareness, love with an open and big heart and fight for those you care about, go after that job opportunity you’ve been delaying because you were so afraid of getting ‘rejected.’ Rejection is part of life! You WILL BE rejected from jobs, friends, lovers and so on. That is just part of life but you never know until you try and sometimes it’s better to know than wonder if it would’ve worked out and live in regret. Sometimes even rejection takes you to paths you never thought you’d cross!

Go after what’s impossible if it feels at some level that it can be yours. Fight the greatest enemy in the world – FEAR – Refuse to let it invade your mind and control your feelings and actions. Quit running and delaying – JUST FUCKING DO IT! If you’re still thinking about it, then you still want to go for it – SO GO AFTER THAT DREAM NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS – Because life is too short to spend it with those who don’t support you or appreciate your company. If you keep running from the things that scare you, you might miss out on something really good that could’ve added more value and spark to your life. If the people within your circle love you enough, they will come around at some point and if they don’t, then they don’t care as much as you want them to.

Really ask yourself now – What do I want in life? What moments do I want to experience? What memories do I want to make? Which people do I want to spend the most time with? Which paths do I want to pursue? What will I regret of I run or delay it further? Who are my real friends that want to see me happy and I can trust 100%? Who do I really want in my life? What things have I wanted to stand up for and I haven’t? What have I been wanting to say out loud but too scared? If you’re still too terrified to take action, then go ahead and read my previous blog about overcoming fears and negative beliefs here. We’re all afraid of at least one thing, and because I didn’t want to think deep about this topic (which I ended up doing like a mofo), I refused to text/call people I care about and tell them how much before it’s “too late.” [Even the thought of it sucks]. So, being the not-so-courageous person I am, I wrote this: (See photo below)

Since last year, I have made big changes internally and externally which I regret none of – distancing myself from emotional vampires and energy suckers that don’t add value to my life or appreciate my presence was one step closer to a happier life. From this day onwards, I won’t be ‘not-so-courageous’ and I will embrace every moment of my life. I came into this world alone with my own life and I’ll leave it alone, so how I choose to live it and the obstacles I choose to overcome will be in my hands. Same goes for you – the ball is in YOUR court and life is lived on your terms – not your culture or society’s expectations. And just because I am writing this blog it doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, I still very much do, but every hour of the day is time to make a decision – time to act and be brave!

Ask yourself today, on a scale of 1-10 where am I at with my career life? (just an example). Lets say your career life is 6/10 and friendships 3/10, ask yourself what you can do today to up to a 7/10 in career life and 4/10 in friendships? It’s okay if the answer doesn’t come right away, you WILL figure it out!

Sending tons of love and light to anyone grieving right now… And please remember that just like bad things can happen out of the blue, wonderful news arrive any minute! Also, you can always create NEW beliefs – check out those blogs here.

Consumed By Negative Thoughts – Solutions

We all have 103004094 thoughts every single day (metaphorically), so we are bound to have a negative thought here and there. However, it becomes mentally draining when the thought of something leads to another 78, and you start to get consumed by these thoughts. You might even find yourself feeling down or angry at something/someone just by overthinking. Now I am NOT a mental health professional, this is a blog that I am writing based on my personal experience as someone diagnosed with anxiety. These are all things that I have either discovered myself, online or with a professional.

Overthinking

Here are two ways to quiet your mind:

  1. 4-fold breath: You take a nice deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for just 4 seconds. Repeat this technique for 5 minutes and you’ll notice a difference with how you feel and you’ll be calmer.
  2. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: This is a technique done to bring your awareness back to the presence. Get a pen and paper, and write down the following:
    Write down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel (anything you’re touching, sitting on, holding, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

Now that you’ve calmed down a little, it’s time to work on that recurring fear or negative thought that’s either affecting you, your social life, your relationships, your career life and so on. Again, understand that it is NORMAL to have fears and thoughts as we’re all humans, but it becomes a problem when it affects you and your life.

Negative Thoughts

The reason why an entire blog is being written on this topic rather than telling you to just ‘STOP’ thinking that way is because that is complete and utter bullshit. If I tell you now to NOT think about a frog, stop thinking about frogs NOW; what are you thinking about now? Let me guess – Frogs.

So here is a technique I was taught recently for fears and negative thoughts.
1- Grab a pen and a paper/journal/notebook
2- Write down the fear/thought
3- Underneath that, write ALL the logical reasons why that fear/shit thought won’t happen.
4- Cross out the fear/thought you wrote down
5- Write down positive affirmations [The ‘why’ is explained in this blog]

Keep reflecting back to this whenever you stress again

Here are two examples of this exercise:

Example 1:
Negative thought/fear My friends will get bored of me eventually
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– They told me I am fun to be around
– They still hangout with me
– We are closer this year than last year
– They took care of me when I was down so they do care
– We share a bond
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am loved. I am surrounded by people who like me and love me. I am a good friend. I am more than fucking enough. I am fun and interesting. I am worthy of true friends. We are closer than before. We are having an amazing time together. We are spending quality time together. We are taking care of each other. We have fun together.

Example 2:
Negative thought/fear I might fail my exams
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– I studied all the relevant material
– I spent X hours doing research
– I revised with my friend before the exam
– I gave a lot of my time and energy to this
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am intelligent. I am capable of achieving great things. I have the ability to go above and beyond. I am fucking smart. I am a hard worker. I am tenacious.

Other blogs that might be helpful:
Anxiety
Social Anxiety
Body Dysmorphia
Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
Enhancing Self-Confidence

50 Facts About Me

1. My name has different meanings:
– In Pakistani: Every day/Daily
– In Albania: Flower of the evening
– Combination name: Rose+Anna (Rose= the flower, Anna= Grace)
– Name origin: Latin, Germanic, Greek & Hebrew (wow that’s a lot of ‘origins’)

2. Horoscope:
Sun – Sagittarius
Moon – Leo
Rising – Cancer
Sun is personality centre, Moon is private emotional self (pfft..) and Rising sign is surface-level personality as in how others perceive me. I DON’T 100% believe in those signs, but I do relate at some level.

3. I like anime even though I only watched Death Note

4. My favourite country that I have visited so far is TURKEY

5. Longest friendship I have had is 10 years with a male and still going strong πŸ™‚

6. I have broken 2 bones in my body almost 3 times

7. I usually develop crushes on handsome TV VILLAINS πŸ˜‰ Not superheroes.

8. I would love to learn Spanish and how to play the guitar

9. I believe that aliens exist πŸ™‚ Not necessarily green weirdos, but I am certain there is something out there ‘alienish-like’ that hasn’t been discovered.

10. I’ve been vegan for almost 5 months

11. I LOVE story-based gameplays (video games)

12. I never played a ‘Lie Detector Test’ game and I would love to!

13. A few years ago, I went scuba diving and snorkelling in the Red Sea

14. I can barely tolerate spicy food!

15. The worst date I have been on was going out to the park with a guy because I was too distracted and repulsed by the fact that he hadn’t brushed his teeth and he even said so… (who says that?) Poor hygiene is the BIGGEST turn off

16. One of my biggest pet peeves is walking behind someone awfully slow….

17. I was obsessed with Backstreet Boys and Nickelback as a teenager

18. I once accidentally told someone ‘Congratulations’ instead of ‘I’m sorry for your loss.’ I don’t know how… but they laughed so hard….

19. I’m afraid of cats but NOT dogs

20. I inhaled helium from a balloon before as I saw on YouTube that it changes the pitch of your voice… and it did for a few seconds (that’s dangerous though so don’t do it)

21. I DON’T believe in twin flames or love at first sight, but I do believe in soulmates and love.

22. I never cried from a vaccination as a kid

23. I can’t tell the difference between Pepsi and Coca Cola

24. I love science and I only believe something that is backed up by science

25. A weird snack combo that I enjoy is carrots dipped in hummus

26. I love popping things!

27. My scariest moment was when I went to an Escape Room in the theme of horror! It was super exhilarating and intense, but too fucking scary that I left halfway through the game…

28. I have a tendency to blurt things out or speak before thinking.. which I either end up making myself & others laugh or spending the rest of the day feeling like a dumbass

29. I’m left-handed

30. I can speak Arabic but I don’t really read or write in Arabic

31. I want to learn sign language one day

32. As a kid, I thought that babies were delivered from the belly button…

33. Cereal first. Milk second. Period.

34. I hear ‘Laurel’ NOT ‘Yanny’

35. I’m an ambivert (extroverted + introverted)

36. I have never been to a colour festival and I would LOVE to!

37. I once laughed in my sleep till I woke up from the dream (if only I could remember what that dream was)

38. I had a lucid dream ONCE a long time ago

39. My favourite coffee from Starbucks is Chai Latte with oat milk

40. I dislike DISCONNECTED beards. That’s like a really bad Wifi connection… You either have a beard or you don’t.

41. Pineapple on pizza is an ‘OKAY.’

42. I HAD a Tinder account as a Hoejabi… Turns out it’s a hook-up app, not a dating app..

43. I can’t help but laugh when someone trips, even if it’s me….

44. My guilty pleasure is binge watching on Netflix… like literally finishing two seasons of The Good Place in one day and an entire season of Stranger things in less than 24 hours… cuz I’m a Strange Thing..

45. I never got a tan, just sunburnt

46. I have received 3 red roses anonymously during Valentine’s before

47. I’m obsessed with nature – waterfalls, green grass, lakes…

48. The first book I read when I was 14 was called ‘Zenda: A Light From Within’ even though I don’t read that many books but I will this year

49. Being the clumsy fuck I am, I have grabbed the wrong hands by accident…

50. I have a strong intuition where a lot of times I can tell what someone is about to tell me before they do and I can sense how someone feels/their energy via text even… I can even tell sometimes something others have been through without them telling me (and I have always been right about that…). I can sense as well things that are about to happen soon or I see them through my dreams..

The POWER Lies Within You <3

It’s 04:00 in the morning and I am supposed to head to bed, but I felt SUPER INSPIRED to write this! I have been wanting my first blog of 2020 to be FUCKING BOMB, but I wasn’t sure which blog post to share – THIS IS THE ONE <3 Whether this year has begun wonderful or stressful so far, LET ME give you that positive energy that I hold within. Most importantly, I will answer the question I get a lot which is “how do you keep your vibes up?”/ “how are you always happy?” [Obviously I am NOT ALWAYS happy, but I am like 90% of the time]

“As above, so below, as within, so without.”
Ever heard of that saying? This quote explains that your internal energy reflects the external. But how? Us human beings, we are logical beings, so I will explain this logically before jumping to give you some GOOD vibes and energy, as I write this from the heart! In quantum physics, there are laws just like the law of gravity, in this case, I am talking about the law of attraction. Law of attraction states that likes attracts like, so whatever thoughts and beliefs you hold depending on how and where you were raised and your life experience – THAT IS WHAT MANIFESTS INTO YOUR LIFE – I know what you’re thinking… ‘That’s bullshit.’

Nope. Trust me, it is NOT. Let me ask you something RIGHT NOW – do you believe that you’re unlucky? If you answered ‘yes,’ how are things working out for you? My guess is that you’re always hitting roadblocks and an awful luck. Ever looked at someone who perceives themselves as ‘lucky?’ Lucky people perceive themselves that way, and that’s what they became. Still don’t believe me? Well let me convince you.

Close your eyes now and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM POWERFUL”
Open your eyes.
Close your eyes again and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM WEAK”
Open your eyes.

Do you notice the difference in how you felt and your posture? That’s how powerful our words, thoughts and emotions are. Psychology states that the moment you say ‘I AM’ that is what you start to become. How many of you here say “I AM BROKE?” What’s your circumstance now? Now think back to a time where you were financially stable and just remember how you perceived yourself in that moment and how you felt. Obviously, roadblocks are a part of life, but we do have massive control over our circumstances. When you were financially stable, at some point before that you visualised yourself as wealthy in future and you felt it in your heart centre. The more you believe a thought and emotionalise it, that is what you start to become. The more you focus on something, the more you start to notice it every where. If your focus is on stress and struggle, you see even more stress and struggle. What you direct your focus on is what you see, think and feel more of.

If you want to understand this topic on a deeper level, go watch The Secret or read the book. Either way, I will in future write a blog specifically for the ‘Law of Attraction’ and explain more the process of ‘ask, believe, receive.’ These have been proven by quantum physics, psychology and even in a lot of religions if you’re religious. I will also share REAL LIFE examples and experiences, and how I CHANGED my belief system for the better. For the time being you can check out my other blog about reprogramming your subconscious mind here.

YOU hold SO MUCH POWER within you! Believe it or not, YOU are your own hero. People can bring you down, yes. People can hurt you. Life can be unfair. But the choice to get on your healing journey and be a badass is one that YOU make! You are capable of doing almost ANYTHING – YES YOU ARE! Stop setting yourself limitations and being a slave to FEAR (F.E.A.R. = False.Evidence.Appearing.Real.) So get up and get yourself feeling AMAZING! READ THESE OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF NOW:

I am CAPABLE.
I am RESILIENT.
I have the ability to go above and beyond.
I rise above any circumstance.
I am STRONG!
I am TALENTED!
I am FUCKING POWERFUL!!!!!!

How Do I Keep My Vibes Up?

– Daily affirmations:
Every single morning AND night, I affirm out loud who I am! “I am confident, calm and complete.” “I am MORE than fucking enough!” “I am calm & in control of my emotions.” “I am the best version of myself.” “I am happy and enjoying every moment of my life.” As I say these, I feel it in my soul and stomach, and I say it like I fucking mean it. If you start your morning with “this day already sucks,” every little thing starts to piss you off and everything goes wrong.

– Intention:
I cannot stress the power of our intentions. Let me give you a past example – As the dumb teenager I was, I was mostly attracted to fuckbois/bad boys. I intended to be with a fuckboi one day (I did mention that I was a dumb teenager) and I always pictured in my head that would be the next ‘boyfriend.’ And guess what? I ended up with a fuckboi for 3 years… Early last year, I made a list of ‘Must haves’ and ‘Deal Breakers’ for every single person that comes into my life. The ‘must haves’ are the qualities that I believe the people that I’ll be around the most should hold and the deal breakers are the characteristics that I know will let me pack a bag and hold a sign of ‘See You Never,’ which led me to end a 6-year friendship and develop BEAUTIFUL relationships and enhance the ones I already have. So the moral of this story is to set a daily intention – Today I will be….. Today I choose to…. and that’s what I look forward to the rest of the day. What you intend becomes your focus, and what you focus on is what you begin to manifest.

Gratitude:
I remind myself DAILY the things I am grateful for – big AND small. Start with a list of 5 things, then add another 5, and keep on adding another 5 till you’re done. This could be something as small as ‘had a coffee with a friend’ or ‘heater at home.’

Close up of a woman hand writing on a notebook outdoor lying on the grass in a park

– Daily goals:
Every single night, I plan the next day. And when I say set daily goals it doesn’t have to be ‘Become Einstein and read all physics books.’ Just tasks AND reminders throughout the day to look forward to. Win the night to win the morning. Win the morning to win the day.

– Daily Motivational Video/Podcast:
Since mid 2018, I have been watching daily videos that give me a little boost. I will post some of them at the end of this blog.

Meditation (Sometimes)
I have an application called ‘Insight Timer’ and obviously, YouTube.

Self-love Reminder:
I give myself that love to myself daily (and no it’s not narcissistic, ice your clits/balls). I either write down reasons why I am worthy of a magical life and why I am a great person or I write a short letter (even one paragraph) or some notes to myself. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone to every relationship in your life. You are the most important person in your world, and if you’re not, start reading my self-love and confidence blogs.

Be present:
We all have thoughts flowing here and there all the time. So I do those two:
1) 4-fold-breath: Breathing in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for 4 seconds. Repeat till you relax.
2) 5-4-3-2-1 method: Writing down 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (for example: back touching the chair, foot on the floor, phone in hand, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. – Bring yourself back to the present

– Enjoying my own company:
I wrote an entire blog about this here

– Make myself laugh:
Maybe it’s my sense of humour, but I make myself laugh DAILY!! Whether it’s making jokes with my friend on the phone, watching a sitcom or whatever it is that you need to do, just make yourself LAUGH. To me, laughter is the BEST medicine. I discovered an Instagram filter recently and I just kept messing with it and laughing my ass off. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Two more videos?

*Has assignment submission* Me: Turns into a pig.

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

P.S.: Every emotion/feeling is healthy to a certain capacity. If someone passed away tomorrow, feeling ‘happy’ won’t do you shit. So understand that all emotions are essential – it’s about how you deal with it and the capacity of that feeling. So no, it is NOT healthy to be happy ALL THE TIME. [Coming from a happy person]. You are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to be uniquely you. You are not meant to be a robot. You’re meant to be HUMAN.

The Power of No

I grew up in a culture where it’s so hard to say no. A culture that taught us growing up that a ‘decent’ woman should abide by the rules set by her family and her ‘husband.’ As if our worth is defined by a man… *face palm* Being bold, answering back or speaking up always translated to being a disrespectful woman with no manners. We just have to say ‘yes’ as to what we’re allowed to wear according to our ‘parents’ and ‘husband,’ we have to say ‘yes’ to staying home or coming back before 10 pm and many more.

We aren’t even allowed to argue or answer back in my culture, but men are allowed to go clubbing, spend the night out, smoke, laugh out loud and date. Whereas women in my culture have to be calm, quiet, covered, have the ability to cook and clean, not date and the rest you can guess I’m sure – The Caveman Mentality. So I, more than anyone know how hard it can be to say ‘NO’ and to stand up for yourself.

I think one of the reasons why saying ‘No’ is looked at so negatively is because people confuse the difference between standing true to yourself vs being rebellious. Even being rebellious sometimes can be good – Sometimes you have to go against the social norms and cultural expectations to be who you really are and to pursue the dream you’ve been longing to have.

Step 1: How Do You Find The Courage To Speak Up?

The first thing to do is to understand what do you really want and why by asking yourself those three questions:

  1. What are your values? Why?
    Get a clear idea of why do you value a certain thing or hold a certain belief by digging deep, rather than just repeating what you’ve been force-fed from a young age.
  2. What are your priorities and how important are they?
    We ALL have an endless list of wants and desires, but what is really important to you and how does that impact your life? By asking yourself that question you will dig deeper to understand the value of each desire and which ones are actually important to you.
  3. Is It Really Worth It?
    Again, by understanding the worth of something, that fuels you to go after it and fight for it regardless of what others say. For instance, in my culture (again) you have to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or a disgrace to the family. Personally, I did want to be a doctor for the longest time but my grades weren’t the best. So I pursued my other option, Business School, which a lot of people told me is ‘bullshit’ or ‘useless.’ Apparently everything is about prestige and reputation to them, to me it is all about MY passion.

Step 2: Balancing Between Giving & Receiving

More times than none I hear people complaining about always being the giver and receiving less than they deserve or nothing in return. Saying ‘no’ isn’t just standing up to your career goals. Saying ‘no’ is setting boundaries and standards in relationships as well (Relationships = Friendships, siblings, family and romantic partnerships).

  • Know When You’re Giving Too Much: If what you’re giving other people is DRAINING your energy, consuming too much of your time to do other things or is simply biting you in the ass almost every single time as a result, then you’re giving this person more than they deserve. We all have limited abilities and limited time, with that comes a lot of other commitments. So draw the line and understand the extent to which you can give. Being too selfless is NOT -always- good if it’s at the cost of your commitments, life, etc…
  • Understand When To Expect In Return: Now I get that this isn’t a trade and I do believe that we should give without being in the mind frame of getting something in return. Then again, a lot of times I hear stories of people who weren’t given the same amount of support, respect and affection from other people. Every relationship (friendship/romantic ones/family) is between TWO PEOPLE – so respect is a two way street… That person should treat you the same way you treat them. Stop settling and accepting to receive less than what you really deserve and want. Then again, you have to draw the line between your desires and being too needy..

Step 3: What’s Stopping You?

A lot of times we want to say ‘no,’ but we freeze. So ask yourself now, why are you saying ‘yes’ to things that don’t give you fulfilment? Is it because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Fear of failure? Fear of judgement?
You have to be careful to the things that you say ‘yes’ to, because every single time you lock yourself in a responsibility for something/someone.
Yes= Settling for what’s familiar, fear wins and STAYS, doors that were open start to close.
NO= Courage and risk-taking, making use of opportunities, personal growth.

Step 4: Switch Roles – Be The Friend

I want you to take 5-10 minutes doing an exercise – Pretend in those 5-10 minutes that you’re the friend/advice giver. You, the advice giver, is listening to another YOU having the same problem or struggle. What advice would you give them? What would you tell them to do and why?

Step 5: Know When No is Good

  • Self-discipline: You know your weakness and area of improvement (personal or job-wise) and you want to work on that. You CHOOSE to demand more because where you’re currently at isn’t good enough FOR YOU.
  • Goal Aligning: Again, this can be personal goals, education, career, health, etc…
  • COMPROMISING: A lot of times I hear people talking about sacrifice like it’s something that should be done in a relationship. You do NOT sacrifice parts of yourself or your life for ANYONE, but you can COMPROMISE. Things happen sometimes and with that priorities can change sometimes, and that’s when you compromise NOT sacrifice.

Step 6: Where Are You Now?

Ask Yourself These Questions:

  1. On a scale of 1-10, how fulfilled are you with your current circumstances and why/why not?
  2. Lets say on the scale you’re 4/10 fulfilled with your financial life and 6/10 with your friendships. How can you up to a 5/10 and a 7/10?

Doing this exercise will give you a better idea on what you really want/don’t want. Doing that you understand how you can do, get and give more.

Final Step: How Do You Literally Say ‘NO?’

  • Start small – If you lived your life being ‘yessy’ all the time, obviously saying no is not going to be easy. So start saying no to small things, lets say a day where you just want to be alone and not hangout (just an example). Start small and don’t be so hard on yourself – You’ll get there πŸ™‚
  • Language – Mind the language you use when you communicate. If something doesn’t serve you right, maybe you should sit down with yourself first and think of the wording to tell someone smooth sails and God’s fucking speed in the most respectful way possible.
  • Reason – Now that you have done the previous steps and exercises, communicate your reason to the other person. Whether they accept it or not is their choice, you’ve said your piece. Move on afterwards.
  • Reminders:
    – You lock yourself in a responsibility you don’t want to hold every time you say yes to the things you want to say ‘no’ to.
    – The advice giver’s advice
    – Compromise vs sacrifice
    – YOU matter too <3
  • Demand/Persist – You mustered up the courage and energy to speak up, so stick to what you want. Unless someone gives you a logical, proper reason to change your mind and one that will serve you right, DO NOT GIVE IN!

Feeling Lonely Over The Holidays

Are you feeling depressed or lonely as the holiday is approaching? Do you live far away from your family so it feels so lonely? Are you going through a heart break and all the romance during Christmas and New Year’s is making you feel worse? Have you lost a family member or a friend and finding it so hard to cope during the holidays? Do you find specific dates or months so hard because things have changed? If you answered yes to any of these then this blog is FOR YOU.

To A LOT of people, this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year… Change in itself is FUCKING HARD and with the holidays approaching a lot of memories come back and hit you harder than you thought… You or someone else you know might be experiencing such painful feelings or you’re just feeling very emotional and sensitive…

At some point, I felt that way… When I was going through a heart break, New Year’s Eve was the WORST time of the year for me because one of the times we got back together was during New Year’s Eve. Christmas period to me was very lonely because I DIDN’T have friends back then and seeing all those people happy with their friends and taking pictures by the Christmas tree multiplied the hurt. At that time I was very dependent on others making me happy and I was desperate to be loved in general.

That was even more painful than grieving the loss of my past relationship because I didn’t really have anyone to share that loneliness with and to me friendships are golden. I am a ride or die friend and most of my friendships DIED. So in a way, if you’re reading this now, I feel your pain to a degree…

I truly hope that this blog will help you feel even a little better. Here are some tips to get you through this difficult time:

Understand that you’re NOT alone: It might feel like the most painful and lonely time of this year, but I promise you NOT everyone is having the jolly ole time during the holidays. There are a lot of people who feel the same way… Some of them ended friendships/relationships, a family member or someone close to them passed away and many more… You are NOT alone – remember that <3
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID

Make Use of Helplines: If you’re feeling too low or depressed, please use the helplines that are available 24/7 like Samaritans on 116 123 (free of charge) or head to the nearest A&E if it’s that serious.

Lean on Someone: If you have anyone in your life who makes you feel better or simply gives you the space to grieve and feel, LEAN ON THEM. Let people know how you feel and that’s not being gloomy or selfish. There is nothing humble about neglecting your emotions and it is NOT fair for you either. Talk to someone if you have a friend/sibling/lover/parent/therapist. If you don’t have anyone, then take this time to self-reflect and maybe even meet new people!

Create New Memories: Before any misunderstanding happens here, let me clarify this- I said CREATE new memories NOT replace the memories. And I am saying this because I am aware that a lot of you are grieving now and it would be disrespectful to your memories if I asked you to replace them. I think that holding so much love and memories for people who passed away is something very powerful and beautiful even though it is FUCKING HARD. I have REPLACED though the memories of my ex because 1) no point in holding onto a memory of someone who was very toxic 2) I wanted that chapter from my life completely closed. Last year during New Year’s Eve, I went to a friend’s wedding. So every time I think about New Year’s now, I remember my friends doing my makeup for the wedding, dressing up and dancing the night away.. Literally…

Set Boundaries: Tell your friends what you want them to keep doing, stop doing and start doing. So if you’re heartbroken and the last thing you want to see is couples holding hands and romantic movies about a girl who slipped in the snow and the love of her life picked her up and that’s how they met, then communicate that. “Please don’t invite me to the movies or go to this place.” If emotional support is what you need for a friend to stay over to feel less lonely, ask them “Hey, is it possible if you spend this week with me? I just need some support.” As for ‘start doing,’ you can say something like “Listen I know you have your plans in the holidays, but can you maybe squeeze an hour or two and spend it with me at home? I really don’t feel like leaving the house.”

Get In Touch With Your Emotions: It’s OKAY to not be okay… You can ignore those feelings yes, but they will come back and resurface… When feelings resurface, it feels like 10 slaps in the face and a stab in the heart… So you might want to take the time and recognise how you feel, maybe through journaling, meditation, recording audios on your phone to express, going for walks alone to really think, etc…

Gratitude Journal: Sometimes we need a reminder of something good that we have… So get a journal and start by writing down 5 things you are grateful for then add another 5 if you can, then another 5… Gratitude can be something as small as “a blanket that keeps me warm at night” or “a source of income”

Give To Others: It feels really good to know that you just had a positive impact on someone’s life, that can be through donations, charity work, making someone feel better, etc…

Look After Yourself: No matter how you feel right now, I want you to know that you are such a valuable soul who deserves all the joy and kindness in this world… I promise you how you feel won’t last forever.. It will go and come back, and with every pain you feel, character is formed and resilience is grown… So please look after yourself.. Take a nice warm bath, go to the spa, get a haircut, scrub your body with a scented body scrub, read a book or a magazine that gives you fulfilment or adds value to your life, meditate, paint, etc…

Remember:

You are more beautiful than you think.
You are more powerful than you know.
You are worthy of love in abundance.
You deserve health and vitality.
You are only growing from here….

Sending you tons of love and light <3 xx

How To Be A Badass Bitch ;)

We all have an inner boss bitch, we just need to channel it and let it OUT! Just like I have a Pettyzana side (My name: Rozana + Petty = Pettyzana – I know it’s a talent) Fuck yeah! Be your own goddamn queen/king!

Here is a list of Do’s and Dont’s:

Do’s:

Choose to be confident! The ‘how?’ is explained in this blog and here is where I explained how I did it

Self-reliant: Don’t expect for anyone to be available ALL the time. It’s time to be more responsible and independent to do everything you want to do without relying on anyone but YOURSELF. Some people might even disappoint you in future (it’s a fact. Not being pessimistic here), so no matter who you end up with, you are the only person you can rely on.

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve: To be a badass is the complete opposite of being ‘fake.’ Be your authentic self as much as you possibly can, so if you’re not feeling okay, that’s fine. Don’t be okay right now, just pick yourself back up tomorrow. If you feel happy, BE FUCKING HAPPY. If an emotion it’s real to you, then feel it and wear it on your sleeve even if it’s hard to do that. It doesn’t have to be real to anyone else but YOU.

Assertive: Speak your thoughts and opinion LOUD AND CLEAR. You have been blessed with something that NOT everyone has, and that is a VOICE. You have a voice, so choose to be heard. Now there is a fine line between being assertive and disrespectful. Assertiveness is fearlessly expressing yourself without crossing the line or others boundaries, so choose your words wisely.

Stand By What You Believe In: This again falls under being assertive, but beliefs is more about values and morals. If you truly believe in something, don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid to be true to you. Everyone has different beliefs obviously and you should respect that and receive the same respect in return.

IDGAF Attitude: I say this a lot and I will keep saying it, the person you are spending the rest of your life with is YOU. So stop giving two shits what others think of you because people judge no matter what. If I am doing something that is NOT harming anyone in any way, I tell those haters and energy suckers that I’ll sleep without an underwear so they can KISS.MY.ASS πŸ™‚ I know, the tea is too much…

Own Your Past Pain: After healing of course, choose to own your past pain by letting it shape you into a better person, rather than break you. You have been through many storms, why give up now? Pain can come back from time to time of course and everyone has a different story, just try as much as you can possibly can to remind yourself of the PRESENT rather than the PAST. I turned that pain around and developed these blogs to inspire and help many πŸ™‚

START DOING: You know that passion you have that you keep saying you’ll read about or take action soon but you keep procrastinating? Well get your ass up now and start DOING instead of flapping those lips.

– Wear WHATEVER Makes You Feel Powerful

Practice Peace of Mind: I always say make it a habit to have 1-2 days for yourself ALONE to disconnect, in order to re-connect with your commitments, relationships, yourself, etc… In those days, try to practice peace of mind, whether it’s journaling, EFT, meditation, painting, drawing, writing, and many more… Just FLUSH and detox. If you don’t have 24 hours for yourself, find at least 15 minutes when you first wake up or before bed.

Dont’s

1- People pleasing

2- Apologise Too Much – Only apologise when you’re at fault

3- Seeking approval

4- Seeking acceptance

I say: FUCK EM all πŸ™‚

Finger is still up even when it’s injured… #PETTYZANA

Developing Personal Resilience

Back in October 2019, I joined a program called “Environmental Leadership” with a company called Uprising, which is basically a 9-month program where you get to know more about the environment and develop leadership skills at the same time. That being said, we have sessions about leadership skills, networking, etc… Today’s session was about Personal Branding & Resilience, and I gladly got to meet the speaker Errol Lawson.

Errol Lawson is a speaker, author, coach and entrepreneur, whom I got his book today called ‘From Post Code To The Globe: How to Overcome Your Limitations & Realise Your Potential‘ I got to stand up today (by choice) and share my story in a room full of 60 people which was absolutely remarkable! I don’t know how I did it and how I managed to say what I said and the three ways I overcame a dark phase of my life.

Today I am writing this blog to share 3 ways to turn things around, according to Errol Lawson, so let’s get to it:

  • Choose The Right Friends: There are 4 types of friends and who you surround yourself with are the ones you pick up their energies. Apparently the 5 people you spend time with the most are the ones you begin to adopt their personality, so beware. 4 types of friends:
    Adders: These are the types of people that add value to your life in any way (YAY- keep those)
    Takers: Energy suckers basically are the ones who are ALWAYS negative about life and absolutely ungrateful. Going through a rough patch is one thing and constantly being down and depressing over anything is another thing (NAY – Stay away from them)
    Dividers: People with no goal in life (personal or career wise) and they usually try to hold you back or drag you south by discouraging your goals. (Eww- Stay away from them)
    Multipliers: These are the ones that make you feel 10ft taller with them as they constantly push you to be the best version of yourself, because they truly want what’s best for you and conversations with them usually energise you/stimulate you. (YAY – keep those)
  • Take 100% Responsibility – I mentioned this before briefly in my blogs and I will say it again. If someone wronged you or hurt you, that’s on THEM. It is not their fault though that you haven’t moved on. The first step to moving on is getting out of that victim mindset of blaming circumstances and people. Yes, shame on them, but what next?! Happiness is a responsibility and it is YOURS alone. Here are two sayings that Errol said that really stuck in my head:
    “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to ME!” Simply means that your life, your choices and your relationships (friends/family/lovers) is something that YOU are in charge of and not the circumstances or people. You make these decisions so YOU create your own destiny.
    “Excuses are the nails of the coffin in this universe.” I know how hard life can be and how a lot of times things seem out of our control or unfair, just remember that giving power to the past, to other people and to circumstances is the reason why a lot of us are unhappy. Sometimes you have to say ENOUGH and get on with your healing journey no matter how long it will take.
One of the ’13 Reasons Why’ I love Will Smith πŸ˜› Link of that 2 minute video is HERE
  • BE COURAGEOUS (Literally)!
    So what is comfort zone? Comfort is a place or a situation that seems familiar so we just settle there no matter how toxic that person/place/job can be for us. To turn things around you HAVE TO break that cycle and keep stepping out of that comfort zone. You do that by stepping into the unknown that scares you! Think about it, if you flashforward 20 years from now and today is your last day, what story do you want to tell an infant about your life? What experiences, moments and people would you want to share that made your life worth living and colourful? Which people, jobs, places and experiences were worth investing time and energy in? Really think about that and ask yourself, how can I live fully with no regrets? The last thing I personally want is to look back and say I wish I didn’t miss out on this moment/experience. So get the hell out of your comfort zone and stop letting fear win. You’re not the victim of your story. Your story is your POWER! There is nothing out of control unless you give that power to others. Remember life is too short and look at how fast the days, months and years are passing – STOP WASTING TIME AND GET OUT THERE! It is YOUR life and no one else’s!

Two things that DON’T matter:

  1. FAKE credibility
  2. Being accepted

My 2019 Confidence Story

2019 has definitely been a personal growth and self-confidence journey for me. It was my main focus this year and thank God I achieved that. Yes, I do still have some insecurities, but not in a way that’s getting in the way of my life. Achieving and enhancing confidence does NOT mean that I am done with this journey. I am NOT done! I still want to do better and grow even more, and I WILL!

So let me take you back to January 2019 and take you on this ride with me…

January 2019 to February 2019– I took a photo EVERY SINGLE DAY and I wrote a caption about myself (a positive one). With every single day, I would dress to impress myself however I was feeling. If I wanted to wear a hoodie and no makeup that day, I would do that. If I wanted to dress up and put on simple/heavy makeup, I would do that FOR ME.
Here are some of the captions that I wrote:

“Hoodie or classy dress, I always rock the hell out of it πŸ‘‘πŸ–€”
“I am a combination of beauty, brain and power. πŸ’₯πŸ‘‘πŸ–€”
“Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better πŸ‘‘πŸ–€”
“Today I choose to purge myself out of a toxic mindset, because I am worthy of self-love and kindness.”
“They call me pretty, but they’re wrong. I am stunningπŸ–€πŸ‘‘”
“Another day of embracing my natural beauty~ β™₯πŸ–€”
“To celebrate Valentine’s day, I choose to spoil myself with makeup and so much self-love β™₯”
“I dress to impress ME πŸ‘‘πŸ–€”

The other thing that I was doing on a daily basis till I BELIEVED that I am confident, is writing affirmations every day or every night. We all have qualities and just because others don’t see that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It is important to remind yourself of your good qualities rather than just focusing on the flaws. Here is a list of some affirmations: [Get a JOURNAL]

  • Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better.
  • I am unbreakable and invincible
  • I am my own backbone
  • I am strong and independent
  • I am a dreamer
  • I am energetic
  • I am resilient
  • I am loyal to the bone
  • I am an action taker
  • I am goal-oriented
  • I am full of love, light and life
  • I am unique in my own way

February 2019 till this day – I made it a PRIORITY to take some time for MYSELF at least ONCE a week to do one or more of the following:

  • Learning to enjoy my own company – taking myself out for coffee, having a movie night with a cup of hot chocolate, etc…
  • Review what my goals are and where I’m at – What to do next? How can I improve? What do I really want?
  • Reward myself – After a long week at uni or simply just doing some work, I always reward myself. You can do that by purchasing something for yourself, getting your nails done or a haircut, treating yourself a nice meal or snack, at home spa day, etc…

March 2019 till this day- Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs & Accepting/Working on My Flaws

  • We all have self-sabotaging thoughts and sometimes when we keep reaffirming them, we start to believe them. Personally I had a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about my personality, my body, my ability to do certain things or be who I want to be, my intelligence and many more… So what I did is that EVERYTIME I would have a self-limiting thought, I’d tell myself “CANCEL!!” I command myself to CANCEL that thought completely and remind myself of at least one good quality about myself.
  • As for my flaws, I recognised that I am only human who has flaws like anyone else, and that rather than put myself down because of that I could actually do something about it. I could try to change those flaws and be a better person without feeling the need to be ‘PERFECT.’ Perfectionism does NOT exist. So quit the need to be perfect. Hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE, DO NOT be self-destructive.
  • Started to accept me the way I am (what I can’t change) – I have limited control over my body as I have PCOS. I wrote a blog on how to do that, read HERE.
  • No makeup days to get used to how I look without makeup – I use makeup now 2-3 times MAX per week and not heavily unless I am really feeling it

April 2019 – May 2019: I put myself out there

As a university student seeking after a successful career life in future, I wanted to expand my knowledge and really immerse myself in work life. So I decided to look for an internship in the field that I am interested in. I am someone who has a huge fear of interviews and getting rejected, but I realised that REJECTION and FAILURE are a part of life. We will ALL get rejected by someone or from a job, but I knew that by putting myself out there and challenging my fear over and over again is the only way I would get what I wanted to get. I worked hard and said that I would do my best and really put myself out there, because by letting fear win, I lose. If you never try, you will never know. I had DETERMINATION so I got what I wanted!

May 2019 – Trying new things/Learning something new

  • I got a fringe
  • I dyed my hair RED
  • I tried new outfits and styles
  • I joined a program called ‘Fastlaners’ with Uprising UK about interviews, CV’s, etc… and I got to meet recruiters and understand the recruitment world better to get there in future.

June 2019 – IDGAF Attitude/Eliminating Toxicity

  • Distanced myself from people who wouldn’t accept me for who I am
  • Ended friendships with toxic people who didn’t serve me or my life in any way
  • Unfollowing/blocking people on social media who are fake or made me feel insecure in any way. You can also choose “See Fewer Posts Like These” on Instagram explore page.
  • Stood my ground and chose to only care about the one opinion that matters- MINE- This is who I am spending 70+ years of my life with
  • Realised that I don’t NEED anyone – You shouldn’t NEED anyone to be happy, be happy then be even happier with other people. They are the icing of the cake. So take responsibility for YOUR happiness, it is NOT anyone else’s job.
  • Reminded myself over and over again that only the REAL ones who genuinely care about me are the ones who will love and accept me who I am regardless of our differences, and not make lame ass excuses to walk away or be judgemental (apparently everyone is a critic these days).

July 2019September 2019 What are my values?

This is when I started to read more about the world in general, the environment, the things we eat, etc… Only in recognising my values, setting standards and standing true to that, did I feel more confident and proud of myself. Not forcing my beliefs on anyone, I am only sharing what I have been doing as an EXAMPLE – I was a vegetarian from July to August and then turned vegan in September. Read more here about my vegan journey and guide to veganism. And that is when I started to develop a healthier lifestyle.

October 2019 – Chose to be AUTHENTIC and REAL

I took off my hijab (headscarf) back in October – and no hijab is NOT oppression, I love it and I deeply respect ANYONE who wears it. I didn’t want to wear it for a while and I felt that I would be fake or being someone that I am not just for the sake of others happiness or to simply be accepted. That is NOT who I am and I chose to stand by me. I wrote an entire blog about taking my hijab off when I did. Read HERE

September 2019 till this day – Goal and Dreams Focus

Focusing on what really matters to me with my career life, my health, my impact on others and my studies. This is my purpose at the moment and that is what I am focusing on. I can’t deal with anymore fuckery or shit, I just want to get my life together and remain happy without dealing with emotional vampires and all that shit. All I want is a stable, happy life and a long ass break from any hurts or disappointments. So I am currently focusing on my studies and balancing my university life with my social life.

I hope this blogs helps in any way, but this is MY journey so it might not help anyone. I did write an entire blog before about enhancing confidence (specifically 20 tips which you can read HERE)

Virginity & Sexuality – End the Taboo

Please note that this blog contains adult content, language and images – This blog might be unsuitable for anyone under the age of 18

I am writing this blog today as it’s such a taboo topic and it’s important to start a conversation about this for better education and learning to respect others boundaries as I always discuss with my friends. So lets start by explaining what ‘Virginity’ and ‘Sexuality’ really mean.

Virginity

Virginity means an individual who has never been involved in sexual acts with anyone, especially women (thank you society). In a lot of parts of the world, a woman’s virginity is her sole identity, specifically in the ARAB world. I am aware that this exists in other cultures but I DON’T have the right to talk about cultures that I don’t come from. I am also aware that a lot of people who are probably wondering the purpose of this blog and why it even matters what someone’s virginity is. Well, the point of this blog is that IT DOESN’T matter what someone’s virginity is.

Obviously, in religion, premarital sex is prohibited for both MEN and WOMEN, NOT just women. And I am not here to promote premarital sex or encourage anyone to do anything. You have the free will to be/not be sexually active. It just really bothers me how a woman’s (SOMETIMES even a man) virginity is an identification of how ‘pure’ or ‘innocent’ or ‘decent’ of a woman she is.

More times than none I hear people discussing other women’s virginity or even have the AUDACITY to ASK a woman/man whether or not they’re virgins (mostly women are asked that but I don’t want to exclude men from this conversation). I always wonder how that piece of information will matter or add value to ANYONE’S life. Virgin or not, I think that people are more than just their vagina. I think that decency is about how you as a person act, treat others and how you really impact people’s lives. A man can go on a dickathon and no one will say shit, but if a woman goes on a pussathon she’s immediately judged as a whore, impure and unworthy.

In a lot of cultures, ‘virginity’ is literally an IDENTITY – a woman’s worth, ability to find a husband (who wants a ‘pure, decent’ woman only) and her reputation/ her family’s reputation. This kind of pressure leads to mental and physical illnesses, as well as suicide attempts. A woman/man’s virginity is something that’s between them and GOD, if you believe in God, this is exactly why we have judgement DAY not judgement LIFE by society. So unless this woman is actually harming you or anyone else, leave them BE.

It’s time we ALL (regardless of gender/non-binary) STOP accepting comments and questions about our virginity. I think this a very personal, private and intimate question. A lot of us stay quiet or even ANSWER to other people as if we OWE anyone that piece of information. The only two situations where ‘virginity’ can be discussed is the following:

  • Conversation with YOUR gynaecologist
  • Telling your partner that you’re saving yourself for marriage, so sexual intercourse is NOT on the table

A real friend or lover understands that you’re more than just a vagina/dick. If you feel ‘judged’ by your partner or friend when sharing your experience, then maybe you should give them your back by walking away. You don’t OWE anyone that piece of information. Unless YOU choose to share a sexual experience with a friend like any two close friends, but that is a conversation that is ONLY initiated by YOU.

Making the DECISION to share yourself with someone is a PERSONAL decision and one that’s between you, God and your significant other. NEVER ask or accept to be asked whether or not someone is a virgin. I get that sometimes people wonder if their partner has been sexually active in the past to know whether or not they can get intimate with them. In a situation like this what you can ask is THIS:

  • Hey, are you open to doing this?
  • Are you comfortable doing this?
  • Can I do ‘this?’
  • Are you a virgin? – FUCK TO THE NO. DON’T ask this

The last thing that I want to discuss about virginity, is how people define that based on whether or not a woman bleeds. Again, in a lot of cultures and shit people try to find out if you’re a virgin depending on whether you bleed during your first time, which ends a lot of marriages (unfortunately) and ‘honour’ killings – there is NO honour in killing you dumb fuck. Sex education is a topic that should circulate around the world as much as gossip does. So lets get to education, shall we?

  • Hymen MYTH– Hymen is a thin piece of tissue that extends across the opening of the vagina. This is a myth that suggests that when a woman loses her virginity, her hymen breaks. Apparently a) A hymen can be broken in many ways, not just by penis penetration. It can be broken while engaging in physical activity, such as sport. b) Some women are born without a hymen, which is why not all women bleed during their first time.
  • The Virginity Fraud [Myth is NOT proof]- As the ‘hymen’ is just a myth, it is not confirmed whether or not it’s true. Watch this TEDX video and read this.

Long story short, some women bleed and some women DON’T. Get over it. And it’s really none of your business whether or not someone’s a virgin.

SEXUALITY

This section applies to everyone from different sexual orientations – Don’t feel excluded πŸ™‚

Another taboo topic that people don’t discuss to the point that a lot of people find themselves in situations where they’re not fully ‘yes,’ but they do it anyway to please or satisfy their partner. Here are common questions that I hear and I will answer them now:

  1. “I’m not enjoying sex with my partner, but I love him/her. What do I do?”
    My answer is always this – Explore. Try different things at the comfort of both of you and see what you both enjoy. Everyone has a different preference and you can never know until you try. Also, if you’re sharing your body with someone then you’re already vulnerable, so why not communicate your thoughts in a respectful way? Communication can be verbal or non-verbal – Verbal: “I love the way you do XYZ, if you do it like this too that would be amazing!” Non-verbal: Take control πŸ˜‰
  2. “I’m not ready to have sex, but I don’t want to lose the relationship. What do I do?”
    If you’re not ready to explain the reason why you’re not ready, it’s okay. Just ask your partner to wait a little and say that you need some time before you share yourself with them and you only want to do that when you’re both in this. If your significant other respects you, they will be patient and understanding. If not, then you might want to re-evaluate the person you’re currently seeing.
  3. “I am NOT confident with my sexuality. How do I tell my partner?”
    Before telling your partner, you might want to sit down with yourself and ask yourself why you don’t feel confident with your sexuality. You have to understand yourself first before explaining that to others. After that, when you’re ready, share that insecurity with your partner and tell them what you feel comfortable doing and what you don’t. Learn how to communicate as it’s one of the most important aspect of any relationship. I said this many times, the foundations of any relationship are as follows – Respect, Communication, Trust and Affection
  4. “What if I do something wrong and it puts them off?”
    You only learn by making ‘mistakes.’ We’re human beings and mistakes HAPPEN, and that’s OKAY. Don’t be too hard on yourself and understand that all of us have at least one bad experience.

Consent!!!!!

People always say that ‘consent’ is complicated when it really isn’t. If you’re sexually active with someone, then always ASK before doing anything. Just because you’re seeing someone it doesn’t mean either of you OWN each other’s body. Harassment and rape also exist within relationships and marriages. Besides, you never know what anyone has been through in the past that makes them queasy or uncomfortable. So always ask before doing anything, and the possible responses are:

Yes– Yay. Go for it!

No– Leave it be.

No response – LEAVE IT BE. How many stories have you heard about women/men who get raped and the rapist says “She/he didn’t say no.” Well, they didn’t say ‘yes’ either. Why do people always take a no response as a yes rather than a no? In situations like these, a lot of people freeze, feel shy or get nervous.

Thanks for reading! πŸ™‚