New Year, New Me – Officially HEALED!

If you have read my last two blogs, you know that I have been going through depression and I wasn’t feeling present at all as my mind was stuck in the past from a few triggers. I talked in depth about that in that blog and I talked in that second blog about my depression and when I was diagnosed 2-3 years ago.

As a lot of you know, since I started blogging I have been sharing my journey and my healing from a lot of residual past shit. I shared my insecurities and my struggle with body image, self-love, confidence, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and trusting people after a lot of betrayals and heartbreaks. 2019 was solely focused on improving myself image and becoming my own best friend which I did! This year I chose to focus on completely letting go and moving on… It’s safe to say – I HAVE COMPLETELY HEALED!!!!!!

I already shared in my depression blog a few things that I have been doing which really helped me feel better. I haven’t shared my ‘Strict Mental Diet.’ Doing that, I have found my power and my own goddamn crown! I feel more ready than ever for new experiences and relationships, and mostly because I am NO LONGER holding ANY grudges against ANYONE. I DON’T feel angry at anyone or hurt at all – I forgave them all and I really dug deep till I got to the root of every problem (explained in previous blog in depth). I don’t even feel like I need anyone’s apology anymore and it’s safe to say that I developed the peace of mind I have been seeking. I have been taking my time off for that which I am absolutely proud of!

Strict Mental Diet

So what is the mental diet that I’m talking about?
Well, I am in a Facebook group where I posted a 30-Day challenge intended to reprogram our SUBCONSCIOUS minds and to take our power back! Before I talk about this more, let me explain what I mean by ‘3D reality.’ 3D reality is the term I like to use on this world we live in where we perceive our current reality. In your 3D world this person did XYZ, this person said that, this happened to your financial life and this happened to your career life, etc… The truth is, we don’t really know what’s real and what isn’t. There are things always happening beyond our consciousness and not everything is the way it seems.

I talked before about the ‘Law of Attraction,’ which is a law in quantum physics just like the Law of Gravity. The law of attraction states that ‘likes attract likes.’ What does that mean? It means that whatever you believe, think about and emotionalise is what you attract into your life. Do you believe that people are constantly using you? Look at your life, everyone is using you, right? This happens because we keep reaffirming those beliefs based on past experiences or others experiences. That law states that in order to manifest something you ‘Ask, Believe, Receive.’ Apparently this has also been discussed in religions (not sure if in all religions – if you’re religious) , that whatever you ask God, The Universe (whatever you believe in) and you have a firm belief that it will happen WITHOUT reacting to the 3D world, that’s when you’re open to receiving your manifestations. I said ‘this reality’ because according to quantum physics we live in multiverse (science is fucking amazing and fun! Bring on the aliens!). Don’t believe me? Read about ‘string theory’ and ‘double-slit experiment.’

Read or watch The Secret to understand The Law of Attraction better- as a summary it says that in order to manifest something you have to be in vibrational alignment – meaning you have TO BE IT without obsessing over it (for example, you have to feel rich and believe you’re wealthy – that’s a vibrational alignment with wealth) and then you begin to attract it to your life. “You attract what you are, not what you want.” Obviously, you won’t just attract things if you have limiting beliefs deep rooted in you. That’s exactly why I created that ‘Strict Mental Diet’ and I focused on forgiveness as well (explained more in the previous blog). As for ‘scripting,’ I also talked briefly about this in my previous blog, it’s basically writing a paragraph or as many as you want as the type of person you aspire to be and the things you aspire to have but writing it in present tense. I will keep saying this – THE BEST MOTIVATION IS THE ONE YOU FIND WITHIN YOU!

The best thing that I have been doing since last year is focusing on MYSELF! My confidence keeps increasing more and more and I feel so invincible. I am no longer reacting to shit circumstances, because that’s not where I want to invest my energy. I trust and believe that everything is happening FOR ME and NOT TO ME, because I know that I deserve the best. I am worthy and deserving of a full happy life. If anything, I set an example to this world that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOU – true friendships exist, love is real, that everything is a choice and that being fearless is possible.

Affirm these to yourself OUT LOUD AND SAY THEM LIKE YOU MEAN IT:

– I am MORE than fucking enough!
– I am an incredible and magical being!
– Every single day in a variety of ways I am becoming better and better!
– I am fearless and badass!
– I am so fucking powerful!
– I am in control of my life!
– I always get what I want and I am now getting everything that I want!
– I am capable of doing and becoming ANYTHING!
– My success in life is inevitable!

Self-love is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT! Love yourself truly and unconditionally till you see your worth. There is NO SUCH THING as ‘not good enough’ or ‘incapable.’ YOU are setting those limitations for yourself! So take some accountability and stop looking at the world from a small window. Accountability is NOT the same as self-degrading, remember that. Learn to trust whatever you believe in (God/The Universe, etc) without wondering ‘how’ or ‘when.’ When you truly believe in something, you don’t wonder when it’s going to happen or how. Tell yourself now: I am the ‘what’ and the ‘now’ NOT the ‘when’ or the ‘how.‘ Place your order, let it come to you and go after what you want to go after. If ‘fear’ is what’s stopping you, go read this blog for a little push AND this one for ways to deal with that dickhead fear.

I Have Depression – 2020 Healing

If you read my previous blog that I wrote two weeks ago, you have already seen me share that I haven’t been at the right mind frame and I chose to be vulnerable in that previous blog. The reason why I am being more open about this is because I no longer want to feel the need to hide it because mental illness is NOT a shame and it’s time we break the fucking stigma! Also I want to show you that there is a way and how I am currently dealing with it. If this is a topic that could trigger you, please skip and ignore this blog– Your health comes first- Link to my previous blog is here

I was diagnosed with depression 2-3 years ago and my depression can come with and without reason. If you read about it you’ll understand that depression is also caused by chemical imbalance in the brain and many other factors. I don’t always have an answer when I am asked why am I feeling so down, and that’s because I have depression. I was prescribed with anti-depressants at that time and I only took them for a week and stopped because I wanted to know how to cope with my depression without medication. I DO NOT recommend that you do the same – please follow what your health professional advises. The thing is, it takes 2-3 weeks for the pills to kick in and I only took them for a week, so I am not quite sure how effective the anti-depressants were going to be.

I decided to take my healing a bit more seriously the past two weeks – yes I made A LOT of progress last year, but that doesn’t mean I am 100% healed. To be honest, the past month I haven’t been well and so I made changes. I hope this blog inspires you as those two weeks have really helped me, even though I am still recovering from my depression. I feel more healed than I have in 2019, which is a massive progress in 2-3 weeks!

What Have I Been Doing?

  • Allowed myself to feel to heal: One of the things I struggle with is opening up and letting things out. I find it very hard to do that like my tongue is tied and I get uncomfortable, so I decided to get more uncomfortable to push myself out of my comfort zone and grow. The days I needed to cry, I allowed myself to cry and kept telling myself “it’s okay to cry..” and when I needed to be angry, I let myself be angry. I mentioned in one of my blogs before that ALL emotions are healthy as long as they are felt to certain capacity, including anger. It’s how you deal with it and express it is what makes it healthy/unhealthy.
  • Sat with my emotions + got out of victim mindset: In the blog I shared about people who struggle with being too sensitive and overly emotional, to sit down with their feelings as a first step to dig deep and understand the source. As a quick summary, you write down how you feel, then write down why you feel that way and the reason behind that specific trigger(s), then giving yourself compassion and patience like you would with a friend and finally asking yourself how are you going to express it in a healthy way. For more in-depth details, read here.
    As for the ‘victim mindset,’ it’s about time you give yourself the tough love talk. Accepting anything hurtful or traumatic that happened to you doesn’t mean it was OKAY that it happened, it simply means you have reached a point where you gave up the hope that the past could’ve been different.
  • Gratitude – I talk about this A LOT in my blogs. I always write down things I am grateful for every single day, big or small. However, sometimes even when we know we are more blessed than others we still feel tied down or consumed by negative feelings. Someone taught me recently that a great way to really feel gratitude is to close your eyes, put your hand on your heart, feel your heart beat and then thank your heart (say it out loud to really hear yourself) that it is ALWAYS beating even though you don’t command it to beat. Your body has been made to keep you alive and help you survive. Some people didn’t even wake up today, yet your heart kept beating…Then you can do the same exercise with your arms and legs or whatever. I even have an alarm on in the morning with the label “Thank you God for blessing me with another day <3”
  • Social Media Detox – I deactivated my social media accounts (except Whatsapp) for almost a week. I just really needed (and still kinda need – I might deactivate again soon) a break. It just feels at the moment that chatting a lot or receiving too many messages is a bit of a pressure on me. I even minimised social outings to really focus on myself rather than other people constantly venting. I have no problem listening to people vent for hours, but sometimes you have prioritise and put yourself FIRST! The next few steps were truly the things that helped me feel better.
  • Facts + Letter Writing: I said in my previous blog that I haven’t been feeling present, and the truth is, we’re not living in the past or the future – All we have is the present. So I decided to look at the facts and compare where I was a few years ago and where I am now and all of the progress I made in life. After doing that, I wrote down my qualities and what makes me uniquely me. Remember, there is ONLY one of YOU and that alone makes you special. Us human beings we each have soooo many layers to us and there is no one else out there like you. Then, I wrote a LONG super empowering letter to myself and then I read it out loud. I wrote five A5 pages, but I’ll only share ONE of those pages:
  • Forgiveness – Forgiveness is something done internal to help you heal, it doesn’t mean that you should let anyone back in your life especially if they have been toxic/abusive. When someone shows you who they really are more than once, believe them. No need to be taught the same lesson twice and go back to the same environment you got sick at, yet expect to be healed. Forgiveness is about letting go of that anger, the hate and the grudge. It’s exhausting to hate someone, so what I did is that I wrote down all the names of anyone that has harmed me, then I went through each name every night and I said out loud 3 times “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I don’t believe it’s okay what they did, you’re responsible for your actions so whatever you do is on you – but from my understanding (again, not an excuse) is that hurt people, hurt people. They probably grew up in a sick environment and that’s why they don’t know how to love in a healthy manner. I wish them healing so no one else gets hurt by them.
  • Focus on What’s Important – Thank God I have emotional intelligence! Even if you don’t, then it’s time to practice it. I told myself over and over again “listen, maybe now you don’t want to do anything and you don’t give a damn. But you and I both know that when you fall into that loop of depression you go deeper. You don’t care now, but you will in a couple of weeks because you have deadlines and commitments.” I went to every single class, completed any tasks I had on time and just really stayed on top of things with my university. To me, being productive is helpful as it reminds me that I am actually doing something – learning and developing for my future career. I decided to separate my ‘working hours’ from my ‘alone time’ hours. That way I was reminded that I have other things to look forward to.
  • Cancelling Negative Thoughts – I wrote an ENTIRE blog (read here) about taking control of overthinking especially if you’re getting consumed by these thoughts. The technique I share there (which someone dear to me shared it with me first) is really helpful for unhelpful thoughts and fears as well. Personally, I am NOT struggling with major insecurities as I overcame most of them (that’s actually why I was diagnosed with depression – I had insecurities about my intelligence, my looks/body and my personality + I was bullied a lot my entire school life). Insecurities pop up from time to time of course and that’s normal, so understand that there is a fine line between being an insecure person and being insecure about something. Can we quit those shit labels? Thank you. As I understand of course the impact of poor self-esteem, you can check this Self-Confidence category that I created, where I talk about self-love, body image and self-esteem.
  • Self-validation – STOP seeking validation from other people and give it to yourself like you would give a 5 year old. Literally I would tell myself “I’m proud of you for doing your chores today when all you wanted to do is sleep.” or something as small as “I am proud of you for making a friend smile even though you wanted to be alone.” Constantly give yourself that validation and love from yourself!
  • Meditation
  • Listening to motivational podcasts/watching videos. Listing some of them at the end of the blog.
  • Letter to Fear – I call that little voice that tries to tell me ‘You might fail’ or ‘You suck at this’ Little Gremlin (more like Little Dumb Fucker). So I wrote a letter to Little Gremlin and I read it out loud. I kept this letter and the one I wrote to myself to read them whenever I need to. Be your own hero and give yourself that power! Rely on yourself, people are just the icing of the cake. Let people support you and be there for you but not to the extent where they become the crutches to your emotions.
  • Mental Diet – As you can see in the letter, I ended it saying “I am writing my own story now.” Literally, that’s what I have been doing. I have been writing the person I aspire to be and the future I want to have and all the endless possibilities to that. Knowing what I want to do, be and where gives me a navigation as to what to do next. You see with depression, if I let myself feel low for a couple of hours, I will go to a state of hopelessness and I spend the day doing nothing but feeling like absolute crap. So always finding navigation, fighting fear and unhelpful thoughts, writing empowering letters to myself to find the inspiration within me + reminder to be present and being grateful really helps me feel better.

I am feeling better, but I am still recovering. I really don’t feel like texting much and I don’t want the pressure of being around a lot of people. I have been minimising that as much as I can, but not cut-off completely like I did for a week. I am feeling like myself more – back to cracking jokes like my usual self and dressing up when I feel like it, but I still need some time. I’m not 100% ready to open up FULLY – but I am getting there and I feel more trusting and even more ready to be present in all of my relationships. I need the reassurance sometimes, but being around too many people right now and social activities is a bit too much for me.

Honestly if anything, I am so grateful. Every person that I have asked to give me space has respected that. Some people even surprised me with their support even though we aren’t close, the point of this is that people can be good. Like really good and supportive – don’t you dare take them for granted or let them go. Also, give yourself credit for still standing and pushing through. You deserve it <3

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

Something Changed

The past few days, something struck my mind. It still is on my mind and as I am entitled to my privacy, there are some gaps that won’t be filled or explained in this blog. I feel the need to write this blog to show you that even bloggers who write about healing and inspiration, themselves have inner work to be done. Social media is either a fake perfect world or an Instagram page full of gloomy quotes, which is unrealistic. And in those past two days, something within me changed. Some of you might relate and understand, others won’t and that’s okay… I think that’s the most vulnerable I’ll be in my blogs.

Last week I was working on forgiving and letting go. I wrote a list of people that I want to forgive to cleanse my soul more and as I went through every name I said “I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” I even contacted two of these people to tell them that I have forgiven them and that I have moved on to close that door completely. Whilst going through every name, I got a wave of memories and things I felt in those specific moments that were very overwhelming. My soul felt heavy like I have weight on my chest, but working through forgiveness allowed me to feel lighter for 2-3 days, then for some reason I found myself not feeling well.

As I always like to take time off and really sit with myself, I realised that there is only one person that I am finding it so hard to forgive. That one person is me. I am aware that I am not responsible of others actions and that no one deserves to go through any of the things I have been through, but for some reason, I am still holding that grudge against me. I feel responsible – like I could have avoided all of that if I had left or done something earlier. I do understand that it is all in the past, but that’s not why I am angry. I am angry at the long-term effect it has on me (again, can’t share everything) and I just want to break-free.

In a way, I feel trapped in my head. Like I am disinterested in social activities and long conversations. I feel like being away from social media as well. I’m almost depressed. I don’t feel as present and I really need to focus on my commitments. I believe that I owe it to myself to forgive myself and be more self-compassionate. As I have been feeling really low, I want to take some time off and be alone for a bit. I have enough noise in my head. Maybe a part of me does need a little reassurance, but I also really need to disconnect in order to reconnect to the world. Currently, I feel alone because I’m trapped in my head. So I decided to put my mental health and myself first by deactivating my social media accounts as soon as the 24 hour period on my Instagram story runs out, where I promote this blog. I just want to focus on my healing, limit contact and stay focused on my commitments. I want to really sit with myself and let it all out without any distractions.

I would like to end this blog post on a positive note either way and say that we all deserve to celebrate our progress no matter how big or small they are, and we all grow through healing. We all learn from the past to be our best self in the present and future. So don’t give up and make the most of every day. Sending you all tons of love and light. I will be back with better blogs when I get my energy levels back up and when I improve my mental health.

Why Am I Too Emotional?

I had a time in my life where I was overly sensitive. Anything big or small made my cry, hurt or it made me feel really angry! It was a tough phase for me and I wasn’t entirely sure why I was feeling the way I was… This is a blog that will help you understand how to sit with your emotions, understanding why you get too emotional, and ways to deal with that… There is a fine line between dealing with your emotions and suppressing them. Here is the difference:

Suppressing emotions- Holding back and trying to resist the tears or the feeling. The reason why this is an unhealthy way to ‘cope’ is because you’re not coping at all. What happens is that you hold back, bottle it up inside and then you bury it deep down. After that at some point, you IMPLODE as the emotions re-surface. We usually suppress or hold back because of one or more of these reasons:

  • Childhood– Wherever you grew up and whoever you were raised by, you were probably always told to stop crying or just calm down when you were upset or crying. From a young age we are taught that feeling ‘sad’ or getting ’emotional’ is somehow negative that it becomes subconscious. What to do? Well first of all understand that all emotions are important to be felt to a certain capacity, including happiness. It’s OKAY to NOT be okay sometimes. Being ‘too emotional’ becomes unhealthy when it gets in the way of your day-to-day tasks, work life/studies or your social life. Next, go ahead and read those two blogs about reprogramming your subconscious mind- Blog 1 I Blog 2 [Re-read as many times if you need to and save them]
  • Ego– Don’t say ‘no!’ You know it’s your pride getting in the way when it is. And in that case, I think you have to tell yourself to swallow your damn pride and let yourself be HUMAN. You are NOT meant to be a ROBOT, you’re meant to be human. You’re NOT meant to be perfect, you’re meant to be imperfect and that’s how you learn to grow. That’s what also makes you uniquely YOU! Being emotional is NOT a sign of being pathetic – WE ALL BREAK. That’s how we let it out and feel to heal.
  • Society’s Effect- There is this belief by society that a ‘real man’ doesn’t cry. There is also this other belief that when a man cries, it must’ve taken him a lot of courage to be vulnerable but a woman being vulnerable means that she is just seeking attention. Those two social norms are reasons why people suppress and hold back. Now listen to me, ‘facts’ become ‘facts’ when a thought or a perception becomes accepted by a lot of people. Just because this is part of the 1000 people’s belief system it doesn’t mean it has to be yours. There are 7.7 billion people in this world, alright? There is at least one person out there who will accept and love you for who you are. So the reality is that rules are bullshit and you can always make your own rules – You DONT have to be a follower!
This is something I wrote before on Instagram about being ‘man enough’

Dealing with Emotions – You sit down with yourself, dig deep to find the source and find a healthy way to cope, which I’ll show you how to do.

Why The Heck Am I Too Emotional?

  • Look at your childhood/past – There is a reason why we are who we are today. We are all SHAPED by our past but that doesn’t mean it HAS to be our eternal identity. If you had a childhood trauma, something big or small (for example: You grew up in an abusive home, you felt left out in school, you lost a family member) then it’s NORMAL to get a little too emotional over small things. Does that mean you CAN’T change that? No. You can still have some control over your emotions without dismissing them. I’ll get to that in a bit. Or it can be a heartbreak or something that happened to you a year ago that has affected you deeply – Understand there is a difference between MOVING ON and FORGETTING. There are things that we will ALWAYS remember, so you don’t have to forget to have ‘moved on.’ Establish that difference and know that even when you move on, sometimes it comes back because a lot of damage has been done and not missing or not loving someone anymore doesn’t mean all the hurt is gone.
  • Stress – Look at where you’re currently at: Who are you usually around? What do you do every day? Where do you go? The environment that you’re at could be contributing to your stress levels or the people around you could be too negative about life or constantly complaining about things. Maybe it’s stress from work or university or simply fear of something. If you have fears that you’re not quite sure how to control or overcome, go read this blog and this one for a little push, I promise if you implement these it will help.
  • Hormone imbalance – Speak to your doctor and get a check up every 6 months.
  • Change in sleeping or poor/unhealthy eating habits – Again, speak to your doctor and find solutions.
  • Low SELF-ESTEEM– I have written A LOT of blogs about this and I will still write even more. In that case, check out my Self-love And Confidence Category.
  • Mental health – Emotions = Brain chemistry I No matter where you’re at with your spirituality or life, sometimes our brain chemistry is unbalanced and that’s exactly why we’ve been blessed with mental health professionals. Don’t dismiss that by saying that you just need to be more spiritual. Yes, I do believe that God can heal you in 0.5 milliseconds, but if you break your arm now you won’t sit down and wait for God to heal you. God blessed us with hospitals, doctors and therapists/psychologists for a reason. Anyone who tells you that the problem is with you not praying enough, tell them to suck a dick. You mean to tell me that the most holy people in this world don’t lose family members to diseases or old age? We all go through stuff sometimes and that’s life.

    Here is the ‘Mental Health‘ category with all of my blogs surrounding mental health issues and how I dealt with them. If it doesn’t help, please seek help ASAP. It’s not a shame.

Sitting With Your Emotions

The problem with a lot of us is that we refuse to face our demons. So what happens is that we put on a bandage and conceal the wound for a while till we bleed again because the scar is still there. The scar will always be there if you don’t identify the source of your emotions and DEAL with it rather than suppress it. The worst has already happened and you have survived 100% of your bad days – this won’t kill you. Last night I sat with myself because I know that throughout my entire life I’ve had many different traumas and there is still some healing needed. Yes, in doing that I felt VERY overwhelmed and mentally DRAINED that I had to shut my phone for a bit (I call it disconnect to reconnect), but I did it and today is a new great day!
Here is how you deal with your emotions: [Get a pen and paper]

Step 1: Ask yourself now – How Am I Feeling?
Step 2: Why Am I Feeling This Way? (Dig deep – why did that particular thing bother you to that extent? What triggered it in the first place? What caused that trigger in the first place?) Be honest – it’s just you with yourself
Step 3: Give yourself love, patience and self-compassion like you would with a friend. Imagine a close friend or yours or your sibling or lover called you crying and told you they feel this way – What would you tell them? How would you reassure them? Do the same thing with yourself.
Step 4: How Will I Express My Feelings In A Healthy Way? If you don’t have an answer to that, imagine a child (a younger sibling, cousin or any child) came to you feeling that way, what is a healthy way you would encourage them to express their feelings?

I know you might be thinking that this won’t help but hear me out please –
1- When you write things down, your thoughts really begin to flow. Think of a time you were writing an essay or a story and you didn’t know from where to start, but then as soon as you started writing it all began to flow. Be patient with yourself.
2- If you’re going to take some time off then you might as well make use of this time than waste it on self-pity (sorry not sorry… tough love is needed sometimes). Just because you don’t have an answer IMMEDIATELY, it doesn’t mean you will never know or be okay. The shit happened TO YOU – You experienced it and felt it, so YOU hold all the answers you’re seeking.

*** Read or re-read this blog about developing personal resilience***

“Sometimes I Wish I Don’t Feel At All”

You have no idea how many times I have said this… In fact, I had a terrible phase where I completely numbed myself and it was awful. I would go to birthday parties and NOT feel anything. Everyone around me would be laughing and taking pictures, while I stood there trying to make myself feel something. Feeling numb really sucks… It’s not as good as you think it is.… I have been told many times in the past that the fact that I care too much about my friends is a weakness – I say, if someone is a piece of shit that’s on them not me. I am glad I ALWAYS gave all of my love and support because now I know I have no regrets and there is nothing that I could’ve done and didn’t do. I am not responsible for anyone’s actions but myself, so if someone is a dickhead- THAT’S ON THEM NOT ME.

Getting drunk, sleeping around, binge eating, binge sleeping and all those ways people react to emotions to try to numb them doesn’t really do anything but delay the healing. At some point you’ll wake up, you’ll stop drinking and you’ll stop eating and then reality will hit you hard again!

Instagram: @chocolizza8

Reminder: Do What Frightens You

I’m sure by now you’ve all heard the terrible news of the famous basketball player that passed away, Kobe Bryant and his daughter. Whether or not you knew him before the new and regardless of what kind of person he way, I know for a fact that news like this can get us all thinking about life in general.

Rest In Peace

I only heard of Kobe a few times, as I am not that up-to-date with sport celebrities. I only saw him in a few videos, like on James Cordon’s episode of ‘Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts.’ So I was more shocked to hear the news than anything really since I never really followed Kobe on any of his social media accounts. It got me thinking though which terrified me – This man had a daughter and a wife… His daughter died with him and his wife was waiting for both of them to make it back, and they DIDN’T. How scary is that? Knowing that in a blink of an eye people can be taken away from us… The thing is, we always say that when we hear about someone famous or a family member/friend passing away, yet we still go on our lives fighting over petty shit and missing out on opportunities or experiences, because we say ‘We still have time.’ Well I’m sure those who passed away didn’t think the day before that they were out of time…

You might be reading this and thinking “what a sad blog.” Before you press ‘exit,’ let me remind you that all of my blogs are written in the pursuit of personal empowerment and giving others a sense of inspiration. Talking about reality might be sad but we have to face it at some point, and the reality is that we can lose people any minute. So take the damn time and think of everything that scares you – AND DO THEM ALL! Nope, I am not asking you to jump without a parachute, that’s just reckless and dumb. If it’s something reckless or inappropriate then DONT do it. I’m saying stand up for what you really believe in, go after those dreams you’ve always had, do more good to this world and raise awareness, love with an open and big heart and fight for those you care about, go after that job opportunity you’ve been delaying because you were so afraid of getting ‘rejected.’ Rejection is part of life! You WILL BE rejected from jobs, friends, lovers and so on. That is just part of life but you never know until you try and sometimes it’s better to know than wonder if it would’ve worked out and live in regret. Sometimes even rejection takes you to paths you never thought you’d cross!

Go after what’s impossible if it feels at some level that it can be yours. Fight the greatest enemy in the world – FEAR – Refuse to let it invade your mind and control your feelings and actions. Quit running and delaying – JUST FUCKING DO IT! If you’re still thinking about it, then you still want to go for it – SO GO AFTER THAT DREAM NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS – Because life is too short to spend it with those who don’t support you or appreciate your company. If you keep running from the things that scare you, you might miss out on something really good that could’ve added more value and spark to your life. If the people within your circle love you enough, they will come around at some point and if they don’t, then they don’t care as much as you want them to.

Really ask yourself now – What do I want in life? What moments do I want to experience? What memories do I want to make? Which people do I want to spend the most time with? Which paths do I want to pursue? What will I regret of I run or delay it further? Who are my real friends that want to see me happy and I can trust 100%? Who do I really want in my life? What things have I wanted to stand up for and I haven’t? What have I been wanting to say out loud but too scared? If you’re still too terrified to take action, then go ahead and read my previous blog about overcoming fears and negative beliefs here. We’re all afraid of at least one thing, and because I didn’t want to think deep about this topic (which I ended up doing like a mofo), I refused to text/call people I care about and tell them how much before it’s “too late.” [Even the thought of it sucks]. So, being the not-so-courageous person I am, I wrote this: (See photo below)

Since last year, I have made big changes internally and externally which I regret none of – distancing myself from emotional vampires and energy suckers that don’t add value to my life or appreciate my presence was one step closer to a happier life. From this day onwards, I won’t be ‘not-so-courageous’ and I will embrace every moment of my life. I came into this world alone with my own life and I’ll leave it alone, so how I choose to live it and the obstacles I choose to overcome will be in my hands. Same goes for you – the ball is in YOUR court and life is lived on your terms – not your culture or society’s expectations. And just because I am writing this blog it doesn’t mean I don’t have fears, I still very much do, but every hour of the day is time to make a decision – time to act and be brave!

Ask yourself today, on a scale of 1-10 where am I at with my career life? (just an example). Lets say your career life is 6/10 and friendships 3/10, ask yourself what you can do today to up to a 7/10 in career life and 4/10 in friendships? It’s okay if the answer doesn’t come right away, you WILL figure it out!

Sending tons of love and light to anyone grieving right now… And please remember that just like bad things can happen out of the blue, wonderful news arrive any minute! Also, you can always create NEW beliefs – check out those blogs here.

Consumed By Negative Thoughts – Solutions

We all have 103004094 thoughts every single day (metaphorically), so we are bound to have a negative thought here and there. However, it becomes mentally draining when the thought of something leads to another 78, and you start to get consumed by these thoughts. You might even find yourself feeling down or angry at something/someone just by overthinking. Now I am NOT a mental health professional, this is a blog that I am writing based on my personal experience as someone diagnosed with anxiety. These are all things that I have either discovered myself, online or with a professional.

Overthinking

Here are two ways to quiet your mind:

  1. 4-fold breath: You take a nice deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for just 4 seconds. Repeat this technique for 5 minutes and you’ll notice a difference with how you feel and you’ll be calmer.
  2. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique: This is a technique done to bring your awareness back to the presence. Get a pen and paper, and write down the following:
    Write down 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel (anything you’re touching, sitting on, holding, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.

Now that you’ve calmed down a little, it’s time to work on that recurring fear or negative thought that’s either affecting you, your social life, your relationships, your career life and so on. Again, understand that it is NORMAL to have fears and thoughts as we’re all humans, but it becomes a problem when it affects you and your life.

Negative Thoughts

The reason why an entire blog is being written on this topic rather than telling you to just ‘STOP’ thinking that way is because that is complete and utter bullshit. If I tell you now to NOT think about a frog, stop thinking about frogs NOW; what are you thinking about now? Let me guess – Frogs.

So here is a technique I was taught recently by a lovely friend for fears and negative thoughts.
1- Grab a pen and a paper/journal/notebook
2- Write down the fear/thought
3- Underneath that, write ALL the logical reasons why that fear/shit thought won’t happen.
4- Cross out the fear/thought you wrote down
5- Write down positive affirmations [The ‘why’ is explained in this blog]

Keep reflecting back to this whenever you stress again

Here are two examples of this exercise:

Example 1:
Negative thought/fear My friends will get bored of me eventually
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– They told me I am fun to be around
– They still hangout with me
– We are closer this year than last year
– They took care of me when I was down so they do care
– We share a bond
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am loved. I am surrounded by people who like me and love me. I am a good friend. I am more than fucking enough. I am fun and interesting. I am worthy of true friends. We are closer than before. We are having an amazing time together. We are spending quality time together. We are taking care of each other. We have fun together.

Example 2:
Negative thought/fear I might fail my exams
Logical reasons that won’t happen –
– I studied all the relevant material
– I spent X hours doing research
– I revised with my friend before the exam
– I gave a lot of my time and energy to this
(Now cross out that fear you wrote earlier ^)
Affirmations –
I am intelligent. I am capable of achieving great things. I have the ability to go above and beyond. I am fucking smart. I am a hard worker. I am tenacious.

Other blogs that might be helpful:
Anxiety
Social Anxiety
Body Dysmorphia
Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind
Enhancing Self-Confidence

Feeling Lonely Over The Holidays

Are you feeling depressed or lonely as the holiday is approaching? Do you live far away from your family so it feels so lonely? Are you going through a heart break and all the romance during Christmas and New Year’s is making you feel worse? Have you lost a family member or a friend and finding it so hard to cope during the holidays? Do you find specific dates or months so hard because things have changed? If you answered yes to any of these then this blog is FOR YOU.

To A LOT of people, this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year… Change in itself is FUCKING HARD and with the holidays approaching a lot of memories come back and hit you harder than you thought… You or someone else you know might be experiencing such painful feelings or you’re just feeling very emotional and sensitive…

At some point, I felt that way… When I was going through a heart break, New Year’s Eve was the WORST time of the year for me because one of the times we got back together was during New Year’s Eve. Christmas period to me was very lonely because I DIDN’T have friends back then and seeing all those people happy with their friends and taking pictures by the Christmas tree multiplied the hurt. At that time I was very dependent on others making me happy and I was desperate to be loved in general.

That was even more painful than grieving the loss of my past relationship because I didn’t really have anyone to share that loneliness with and to me friendships are golden. I am a ride or die friend and most of my friendships DIED. So in a way, if you’re reading this now, I feel your pain to a degree…

I truly hope that this blog will help you feel even a little better. Here are some tips to get you through this difficult time:

Understand that you’re NOT alone: It might feel like the most painful and lonely time of this year, but I promise you NOT everyone is having the jolly ole time during the holidays. There are a lot of people who feel the same way… Some of them ended friendships/relationships, a family member or someone close to them passed away and many more… You are NOT alone – remember that <3
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID

Make Use of Helplines: If you’re feeling too low or depressed, please use the helplines that are available 24/7 like Samaritans on 116 123 (free of charge) or head to the nearest A&E if it’s that serious.

Lean on Someone: If you have anyone in your life who makes you feel better or simply gives you the space to grieve and feel, LEAN ON THEM. Let people know how you feel and that’s not being gloomy or selfish. There is nothing humble about neglecting your emotions and it is NOT fair for you either. Talk to someone if you have a friend/sibling/lover/parent/therapist. If you don’t have anyone, then take this time to self-reflect and maybe even meet new people!

Create New Memories: Before any misunderstanding happens here, let me clarify this- I said CREATE new memories NOT replace the memories. And I am saying this because I am aware that a lot of you are grieving now and it would be disrespectful to your memories if I asked you to replace them. I think that holding so much love and memories for people who passed away is something very powerful and beautiful even though it is FUCKING HARD. I have REPLACED though the memories of my ex because 1) no point in holding onto a memory of someone who was very toxic 2) I wanted that chapter from my life completely closed. Last year during New Year’s Eve, I went to a friend’s wedding. So every time I think about New Year’s now, I remember my friends doing my makeup for the wedding, dressing up and dancing the night away.. Literally…

Set Boundaries: Tell your friends what you want them to keep doing, stop doing and start doing. So if you’re heartbroken and the last thing you want to see is couples holding hands and romantic movies about a girl who slipped in the snow and the love of her life picked her up and that’s how they met, then communicate that. “Please don’t invite me to the movies or go to this place.” If emotional support is what you need for a friend to stay over to feel less lonely, ask them “Hey, is it possible if you spend this week with me? I just need some support.” As for ‘start doing,’ you can say something like “Listen I know you have your plans in the holidays, but can you maybe squeeze an hour or two and spend it with me at home? I really don’t feel like leaving the house.”

Get In Touch With Your Emotions: It’s OKAY to not be okay… You can ignore those feelings yes, but they will come back and resurface… When feelings resurface, it feels like 10 slaps in the face and a stab in the heart… So you might want to take the time and recognise how you feel, maybe through journaling, meditation, recording audios on your phone to express, going for walks alone to really think, etc…

Gratitude Journal: Sometimes we need a reminder of something good that we have… So get a journal and start by writing down 5 things you are grateful for then add another 5 if you can, then another 5… Gratitude can be something as small as “a blanket that keeps me warm at night” or “a source of income”

Give To Others: It feels really good to know that you just had a positive impact on someone’s life, that can be through donations, charity work, making someone feel better, etc…

Look After Yourself: No matter how you feel right now, I want you to know that you are such a valuable soul who deserves all the joy and kindness in this world… I promise you how you feel won’t last forever.. It will go and come back, and with every pain you feel, character is formed and resilience is grown… So please look after yourself.. Take a nice warm bath, go to the spa, get a haircut, scrub your body with a scented body scrub, read a book or a magazine that gives you fulfilment or adds value to your life, meditate, paint, etc…

Remember:

You are more beautiful than you think.
You are more powerful than you know.
You are worthy of love in abundance.
You deserve health and vitality.
You are only growing from here….

Sending you tons of love and light <3 xx

Reprogram Your Subconscious – Change Your Life

Conscious mind – Active in your waking life
Subconscious mind – Active ALL THE TIME

Your life is a representation of your current and past thoughts/feelings (NOT saying what happened to you is your fault). Think about a day you woke up and said “this day sucks already” or “this won’t work” and then it happened. WHY? Because that’s what you affirm and believe. Thought patterns like “people always let me down” and “I’m NOT good enough” are the reasons why your relationships with good people DO NOT last. It’s time we take control of our lives and reprogram our minds. To understand the ‘law of attraction’ more, watch ‘The Secret’ on Netflix and read about the ‘placebo effect’

Reprogram Your Mind Before Sleeping To Change Your Life

To-Do:

  1. Plan your tomorrow – Get a journal and write down what you want to do tomorrow and stick to these plans if possible. “If you want to win the day, win the evening.”
    List things like time to wake up, someone to call, tasks/work to complete, etc…
  2. Review your goals every NIGHT – Why? To set your mind for success. You need a constant reminder of your long-term and short-term goals, which is also a reminder of your purpose
  3. Gratitude – Practice gratitude to program your subconscious mind to think in abundance and scarcity. You can write something as small as “had a nice, warm meal.” or “sunny day,” “got a phone call from a friend.” Some people don’t even have a roof on their head or a friend to open up to.
  4. Ask your subconscious mind – Think of a problem that you currently have and ask your subconscious mind how to solve it or find a solution. I know this sounds odd, but how many times have you thought about something before bed and then woke up in the middle of the night thinking “I should do a,b,c” or “this isn’t good for me, I think I should let it go.” You can ask questions regarding your financial state, your relationships, your work life, etc…
  5. Hypnotherapy – No I don’t mean losing control of your mind and following a green light in the middle of the street. Hypnotherapy is a form of a safe, complimentary medicine that therapists use to help change your thought patterns without losing control of your mind of course. You can always find hypnosis audios online that consist of affirmations or a meditation for a specific problem or desire.

Again, repetition is required to see a difference. Some things work faster with people and others take a bit longer. Then again, it usually takes around 21 days for something to become a habit (thoughts too). So stay committed and BELIEVE.

I will write more blogs about this topic since it is VERY eye-opening and this has helped me change my self-image and my view on life. This is how I developed healthier relationships, but that doesn’t mean shit won’t hit the fan sometimes. It just means you will have a stronger mind that is more capable of reacting to certain situations and the ability to hold on. It is HEALTHY to feel every emotion but with certain capacity.

You’re Hurting – What To Do?

If you’re struggling right now, I feel for you. You might have been rejected, hurt, lost someone or have any other issues. Let me tell you something…

Yes, things DO hurt sometimes.. It can seem very very dark sometimes.. I get that more than anyone. I know the last thing we want to hear sometimes is the whole ‘light at the end of a tunnel’ quotes, and I will NOT do that.

But what I will tell you is this:

1- It hurts NOW and it might feel like FOREVER, but that doesn’t mean it is.
2- If someone left you, know that they didn’t love you enough. If they did, they would fight the circumstances over and over again and do their VERY best to stay with you. There is something that we can all always do because WE are the ones in CONTROL. Truth is, it’s THEIR loss NOT yours. You will hurt for now and you have every right to, just please, HOLD ON.
3- If things seem dark now, let yourself feel that moment to heal. Feel to heal. It’s okay to not be okay, just don’t wrong, mistreat or push others away because it is NOT their fault. Let people in 🙂 You never lose by letting others help you.
4- If you fucked up, stop looking at all the impossibilities and look at what you can really do to make it up. Remember that people wake up with different feelings every day, you never know if you never try.
5- DO NOT push yourself too much – If you need stay in, sleep a little, disconnect from social media, do that for A DAY. If you let yourself sink in that hole, you will lose. Be strong, you can do this. I swear you can!
6- If you’re feeling insecure or self-conscious – Go ahead and read this blog
7- If you need a little sunshine – Read this SHORT blog

Remind Yourself of The Following:

  • You are worthy more than you think
  • You are beautiful and you deserve people to see that
  • You are loving and people will love you the way you love yourself
  • You are strong so keep fighting
  • You have a precious soul, let people wipe away your tears
  • You are cunning
  • You are brave
  • You are smart
  • You are IN CONTROL of YOUR life
  • You are sweet
  • You are tenacious
  • You are amazing in so many ways
  • You’re caring, and that’s not a flaw by the way

Everything will be okay… Things get better when you’re not looking.. LET PEOPLE IN and RECEIVE their love and kindness <3

Crappy Day: How I Dealt With it Today?

I have noticed that the thing about social media is that it is usually high-high or low-low. By that I mean that our social media is either full of rainbows, butterflies and marshmallows OR storms and depressing quotes. This is one of the reasons why I write these blogs, as I am aware that I seem a ‘high-high’ person face-to-face and on social media most of the time and obviously that is NOT realistic.

Most of the time I am a very happy and positive person (thank fuck for this blessing because I wasn’t always like that), but like every human being in this world, I have shitty days as well. I am also a very private person and I like to keep my personal life away from social media as we’re all entitled to our privacy no matter what. So I’ll only share those personal stuff with close friends and share here on this blog how I deal with specific stuff like anxiety, etc…

So you guessed it, I had a crappy day today. It started crappy, something bothered me later that day and being a final year student stressed me out as well. I don’t want to drag this blog for 10 pages so I’ll just cut to the chase and share how I made myself feel better even if I am not 100% fine.

  1. Went For A Walk – I know that we all try to ignore how we feel and our thoughts sometimes, but from my personal experience, I know it always comes back again if we don’t deal with it. Obviously if you have an exam or anything important than the focus should be switched to that important task then deal with how you feel afterwards. Going for a walk can really release your thoughts. According to scientific research, going for a walk or exercising boosts blood circulation to our brains, and therefore oxygen, which optimises our mental wellbeing overall. Next time you try to supress how you feel, try RELEASING instead.
  2. 4-Fold Breath – I have mentioned this in the ‘Dealing with Anxiety‘ blog so I’ll copy paste this here: ” Take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breath out for 4 seconds and empty your minds for JUST 4 seconds. If 4 seconds is a lot, practice 2 seconds, then do it for longer when you can. I say repeat this method for 5 to 10 minutes. if you need to do it for longer (20-30 minutes) then by all means do so. Trust me, it helps. Studies have proven that this increases the supply of oxygen to your brain to promote a state of calmness. Just focus on your breathing for those 5-30 minutes. It takes practice, but it REALLY works.”
  3. Wrote 2 Shitty Pages – Get a pen and paper and write down one or two or twelve pages of RANTING. It doesn’t have to make sense, just RANT and write from the top of your head. You can throw the paper afterwards or keep it, up to you, but do this and LET IT OUT. Please DO NOT do it on your phone! You really do feel your thoughts being released when you write things down with YOUR OWN HAND.
  4. Warm Showers Are The FUCKING BEST – Read here for more information.
  5. Find Something or Someone That Makes You Laugh – Whether it’s a friend or a comedy show/movie, find that thing that makes you laugh or smile. I truly do believe in the power of laughter since it snaps you out of a moment in SECONDS! Thank god I have been blessed with a sense of humour where I make myself and others laugh A LOT. As for comedy shows, my two favourite are How I Met Your Mother (Barney is LEGEND-IHOPEYOU’RENOTLACTOSEINTOLERENT-DARY) and One Day At A Time. Alternatively, you can do or think of something that usually makes you smile, even if it’s just a memory. Find something that will boost your mood even a little!

I SHOULD have reached out to anyone and shared my crappy day but I honestly didn’t know what to say and like a lot of you I still find it hard sometimes to open up in general, but I’m trying. So DON’T make that same mistake and keep things to yourself every time. If you want people to be there for you, you have to reach out and stop expecting to be fed with a closed mouth.

This blog is so unplanned for, so I do apologise if it’s a little messy. I literally wrote it without planning on how or what I’ll write exactly. I really wanted to put this one out there even though it’s a bit short and fast. I hope you all have a blessed and a wonderful day. Remember that it’s just a bad DAY, NOT a bad LIFE.

Stay fucking awesome, fearless, badass and wear that crown with pride!