We have both our conscious and subconscious mind, but what is the difference? Conscious mind – Active in your waking life Subconscious mind – Active ALL THE TIME
Your life is a representation of your current and past thoughts/feelings (NOT saying what happened to you is your fault). Think about a day you woke up and said “this day sucks already” or “this won’t work” and then it happened. WHY? Because that’s what you affirm and believe. Thought patterns like “people always let me down” and “I’m NOT good enough” are the reasons why your relationships with good people DO NOT last. It’s time we take control of our lives and reprogram our minds. To understand the ‘law of attraction’ more, watch ‘The Secret’ on Netflix and read about the ‘placebo effect’
Reprogram Your Mind Before Sleeping To Change Your Life
Plan your tomorrow – Get a journal and write down what you want to do tomorrow and stick to these plans if possible. “If you want to win the day, win the evening.” List things like time to wake up, someone to call, tasks/work to complete, etc…
Review your goals every NIGHT – Why? To set your mind for success. You need a constant reminder of your long-term and short-term goals, which is also a reminder of your purpose
Gratitude – Practice gratitude to program your subconscious mind to think in abundance and scarcity. You can write something as small as “had a nice, warm meal.” or “sunny day,” “got a phone call from a friend.” Some people don’t even have a roof on their head or a friend to open up to.
Ask your subconscious mind – Think of a problem that you currently have and ask your subconscious mind how to solve it or find a solution. I know this sounds odd, but how many times have you thought about something before bed and then woke up in the middle of the night thinking “I should do a,b,c” or “this isn’t good for me, I think I should let it go.” You can ask questions regarding your financial state, your relationships, your work life, etc…
Hypnotherapy – No I don’t mean losing control of your mind and following a green light in the middle of the street. Hypnotherapy is a form of a safe, complimentary medicine that therapists use to help change your thought patterns without losing control of your mind of course. You can always find hypnosis audios online that consist of affirmations or a meditation for a specific problem or desire.
Again, repetition is required to see a difference. Some things work faster with people and others take a bit longer. Then again, it usually takes around 21 days for something to become a habit (thoughts too). So stay committed and BELIEVE.
I will write more blogs about this topic since it is VERY eye-opening and this has helped me change my self-image and my view on life. This is how I developed healthier relationships, but that doesn’t mean shit won’t hit the fan sometimes. It just means you will have a stronger mind that is more capable of reacting to certain situations and the ability to hold on. It is HEALTHY to feel every emotion but with certain capacity.
If you’re struggling right now, I feel for you. You might have been rejected, hurt, lost someone or have any other issues. Let me tell you something…
Yes, things DO hurt sometimes.. It can seem very very dark sometimes.. I get that more than anyone. I know the last thing we want to hear sometimes is the whole ‘light at the end of a tunnel’ quotes, and I will NOT do that.
But what I will tell you is this:
1- It hurts NOW and it might feel like FOREVER, but that doesn’t mean it is. 2- If someone left you, know that they didn’t love you enough. If they did, they would fight the circumstances over and over again and do their VERY best to stay with you. There is something that we can all always do because WE are the ones in CONTROL. Truth is, it’s THEIR loss NOT yours. You will hurt for now and you have every right to, just please, HOLD ON. 3- If things seem dark now, let yourself feel that moment to heal. Feel to heal. It’s okay to not be okay, just don’t wrong, mistreat or push others away because it is NOT their fault. Let people in 🙂 You never lose by letting others help you. 4- If you fucked up, stop looking at all the impossibilities and look at what you can really do to make it up. Remember that people wake up with different feelings every day, you never know if you never try. 5- DO NOT push yourself too much – If you need stay in, sleep a little, disconnect from social media, do that for A DAY. If you let yourself sink in that hole, you will lose. Be strong, you can do this. I swear you can! 6- If you’re feeling insecure or self-conscious – Go ahead and read this blog 7- If you need a little sunshine – Read this SHORT blog
Remind Yourself of The Following:
You are worthy more than you think
You are beautiful and you deserve people to see that
You are loving and people will love you the way you love yourself
You are strong so keep fighting
You have a precious soul, let people wipe away your tears
You are cunning
You are brave
You are smart
You are IN CONTROL of YOUR life
You are sweet
You are tenacious
You are amazing in so many ways
You’re caring, and that’s not a flaw by the way
Everything will be okay… Things get better when you’re not looking.. LET PEOPLE IN and RECEIVE their love and kindness <3
I have noticed that the thing about social media is that it is usually high-high or low-low. By that I mean that our social media is either full of rainbows, butterflies and marshmallows OR storms and depressing quotes. This is one of the reasons why I write these blogs, as I am aware that I seem a ‘high-high’ person face-to-face and on social media most of the time and obviously that is NOT realistic.
Most of the time I am a very happy and positive person (thank fuck for this blessing because I wasn’t always like that), but like every human being in this world, I have shitty days as well. I am also a very private person and I like to keep my personal life away from social media as we’re all entitled to our privacy no matter what. So I’ll only share those personal stuff with close friends and share here on this blog how I deal with specific stuff like anxiety, etc…
So you guessed it, I had a crappy day today. It started crappy, something bothered me later that day and being a final year student stressed me out as well. I don’t want to drag this blog for 10 pages so I’ll just cut to the chase and share how I made myself feel better even if I am not 100% fine.
Went For A Walk – I know that we all try to ignore how we feel and our thoughts sometimes, but from my personal experience, I know it always comes back again if we don’t deal with it. Obviously if you have an exam or anything important than the focus should be switched to that important task then deal with how you feel afterwards. Going for a walk can really release your thoughts. According to scientific research, going for a walk or exercising boosts blood circulation to our brains, and therefore oxygen, which optimises our mental wellbeing overall. Next time you try to supress how you feel, try RELEASING instead.
4-Fold Breath – I have mentioned this in the ‘Dealing with Anxiety‘ blog so I’ll copy paste this here: ” Take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breath out for 4 seconds and empty your minds for JUST 4 seconds. If 4 seconds is a lot, practice 2 seconds, then do it for longer when you can. I say repeat this method for 5 to 10 minutes. if you need to do it for longer (20-30 minutes) then by all means do so. Trust me, it helps. Studies have proven that this increases the supply of oxygen to your brain to promote a state of calmness. Just focus on your breathing for those 5-30 minutes. It takes practice, but it REALLY works.”
Wrote 2 Shitty Pages – Get a pen and paper and write down one or two or twelve pages of RANTING. It doesn’t have to make sense, just RANT and write from the top of your head. You can throw the paper afterwards or keep it, up to you, but do this and LET IT OUT. Please DO NOT do it on your phone! You really do feel your thoughts being released when you write things down with YOUR OWN HAND.
Warm Showers Are The FUCKING BEST – Read here for more information.
Find Something or Someone That Makes You Laugh – Whether it’s a friend or a comedy show/movie, find that thing that makes you laugh or smile. I truly do believe in the power of laughter since it snaps you out of a moment in SECONDS! Thank god I have been blessed with a sense of humour where I make myself and others laugh A LOT. As for comedy shows, my two favourite are How I Met Your Mother (Barney is LEGEND-IHOPEYOU’RENOTLACTOSEINTOLERENT-DARY) and One Day At A Time. Alternatively, you can do or think of something that usually makes you smile, even if it’s just a memory. Find something that will boost your mood even a little!
I SHOULD have reached out to anyone and shared my crappy day but I honestly didn’t know what to say and like a lot of you I still find it hard sometimes to open up in general, but I’m trying. So DON’T make that same mistake and keep things to yourself every time. If you want people to be there for you, you have to reach out and stop expecting to be fed with a closed mouth.
This blog is so unplanned for, so I do apologise if it’s a little messy. I literally wrote it without planning on how or what I’ll write exactly. I really wanted to put this one out there even though it’s a bit short and fast. I hope you all have a blessed and a wonderful day. Remember that it’s just a bad DAY, NOT a bad LIFE.
Stay fucking awesome, fearless, badass and wear that crown with pride!
Please note that there are a lot of stuff that I will not add to this blog to respect the privacy of the ex-shitty-relationship. I am so glad I came this far and managed to heal and truly move on. Abuse is something that you ALWAYS HEAL FROM. And when I say abuse I mean mental, physical, sexual and/or emotional abuse. If this is a topic that has triggered you in the past or will, please ignore this blog and do NOT READ IT. Your health and safety should always come first.
I know everyone who knows me will be shocked by this blog as I haven’t sat down and really spoke about this with ANYONE.
– National Domestic Violence Month: October
How Did It Start?
I started dating when I was 16, which is obviously a very
young age to open your heart to someone and start a relationship. Back then, I
was very self-conscious about my looks, my body, my face, my personality and
literally everything you can think of. I felt so unloved in the past since I was
bullied for years and I had other personal stuff going on.
At the age of 16, I met this guy whom I found attractive. He noticed me when I was feeling alone and lonely, and when we started talking, we found similar interests. One of our first conversations was about our interest in video games like The Last of Us, Beyond Two Souls and The Walking Dead. He really got my attention at that time, and I felt like he was different. When I say ‘different,’ I am talking about his mindset, since I come from a culture that is still somehow closed minded. I always felt different from my culture and I never thought that I would really find someone, not even a friend, who is that similar to me.
We started talking, and we got so much closer. We were close friends for around three months and then he started checking me out, flirting with me and noticing everything I do. I’ll be honest, he swept me off my feet. And we started sharing some personal stuff about our lives which made us grow even closer and I started feeling safe with him. Then some time later, he confessed his feelings to me twice and asked me to be his girlfriend. Obviously, I have reciprocated those feelings and they were super strong. When we started dating, things were so sweet, romantic and gentle. I remember we used to talk on the phone for 2-3 hours after midnight when everyone slept, and we would have endless conversations both on the phone and on social media.
I got too attached to him because I didn’t love myself enough.
I let HIM dictate what love, happiness and confidence really is. He was very
affectionate at the start of the relationship and I remember how much he talked
to me about how strong his feelings were towards me. I was super happy to the
point that I loved him blindly, because again I didn’t love myself enough. I
was truly, madly and deeply in love.
So, What Happened?
Even though he was very vocal about his feelings towards me, he never really did those little things or romantic gestures, like getting me a red rose or even a necklace… I was starting to feel really needy and at times we started arguing. Then when our parents found out that we have been seeing each other, he promised to not leave regardless. However, the way he was treating me, and the relationship changed. He was becoming too cautious as to when to see me, when to text me and he was angry that his parents were mad at him because of me. We started arguing A LOT and he was really aggressive with his stabbing words. He even told me at some point, “you don’t even know how to love.” Till this day I remember this sentence because it stung like hell. He started fighting over the smallest things and hated the fact that he was being judged by his friends that he is ‘dating.’ Yes, ‘dating’ is still a taboo in the Arab world, but I didn’t give a shit and I still don’t.
As I mentioned earlier, he was really aggressive with his words. And at some point,
he started calling me ‘fat.’ He made comments about how I would fall because he
thought I was too fat, even though I was thinner than I am now. I let it slide because
I thought to myself that he is just going through a difficult time. Then it got
worse from here… At one point he took his anger out on me and started yelling,
calling me names like ‘whore’, ‘slut’ and ‘stupid.’ I saw his rage and that side
of him when he got angry which made me wonder in that moment if he was just
angry or mentally unstable.
The problem wasn’t just that he called me names, the problem
is that I believed him because I didn’t think I was pretty enough or smart
enough or worthy in any shape or form. And after that we started talking less
and we were barely even meeting. It felt so lonely when I was with him and that’s
the worst place you can be at. Then a while later we both agreed to end the
relationship since he was too angry all the time and he couldn’t stand the
sight of me somehow.
A couple of months later, we got back together because I
followed my heart. I was still very in love with him, so I looked for excuses
as to why he was acting that way and I wanted to make it seem like it’s my
fault rather than his. And the same shit happened over and over again, we’d
start fighting a lot, break up and get back together, which went on for a year.
What Happened Next
That Was So Awful?
In New Year’s Eve, he texted me to apologise for how he treated me, and he said
that he is all better and he wants to make things right because he is still so
very in love with me and that I make him feel understood, calm and complete. I
agreed to get back together (because I was dumb as shit and had absolutely no self-respect).
Four days later, he told me that a family member passed away and he was deeply
struggling at that time. I wanted to be there for him, and I tried to see him.
When he asked for space, I gave it to him. When he asked to talk about it, I
listened. Even when he screamed at me, I let it slide because I knew that anger
is part of the grieving process.
You know how sometimes when you keep trying to reassure
someone that you don’t even know what to say anymore so everything you say
comes out wrong? Yeah, I did that. One night were talking about it and I was
trying to tell him how strong he is and that he has been through worse. That
obviously infuriated him because to him that was the most heart-breaking thing
that happened to him, and in that day, he said, “I HAVE BEEN THROUGH WORSE???”
Then he called me every name in the book, from to bitch to even ‘cunt.’ You
name it… That made me feel worthless, but I still let it slide, because I
thought to myself “I made him angry. It’s my fault. He really does love me he
is just angry right now and he is hurting.” And then he blocked me (one of the
many times he did) and so I had to reach him through his friends, and then one
of his neighbours told me they will go check on him and they told me that “he
is fine. He is just listening to some metal music.” I thought to myself that
well maybe he is trying to ignore the fact that he is in pain, so I waited for
him to unblock me and we started talking again.
For the next 5-6 months, he kept doing that – name calling, blocking me, starting arguments, talking about how much in pain he is, pushing me away, ignoring my texts and phone calls, refusing to see me but still went out with his friends. I didn’t understand why he treated me that way and he said, “well I don’t want to see you and I would rather spend time with my friends.” Mind you, these are the same friends that disapproved and judged our relationship, but he told me he shut that shit down. Even though I should have left from this mistreatment, he kept me on his leash somehow, saying that I am the only one who understands him, that I am the light to his dark room, that he wants to spend time with me but he just doesn’t feel like seeing anyone and that he truly loves me till this day. So, my dumbass STAYED even though he was a dick to me. I remember feeling so stuck… I wanted to leave because I was so mentally drained and exhausted, but I loved him very much and I thought that I wouldn’t be able to live without him. I was so depressed at that time and that’s when I started getting so anxious (Go read the blog I wrote about dealing with anxiety).
At some point he told me that he pushes me away because he feels like a burden and doesn’t want to pressure me by talking about his deep pain. I felt so much for his pain and I tried to tell him that part of being together is sharing our ups and downs. I even talked to a friend who drew portraits and asked him to draw one for him as that might cheer him up. When I sent him a photo of the portrait because he refused to see me, he talked about how it was awful because he didn’t like how his nose looked in that drawing, and he deleted that photo. When we went out finally, he kept making comments about my body. Even at some point he lifted my top a little and said that I need to slim down a little and that I would be sexier if I lost weight. He even said, “imagine how much fun we would have if you were thinner.” And I remember that day I wore a black lace dress to look pretty and I was wearing black because 1. I love black. 2. My grandfather had passed away a week prior, which by the way he told me to “fuck off” when I told him that I need to talk because I was upset the day he died. I remember feeling so small.. Like I have become the woman that allows someone else to spit on her dignity and crush her in pieces…
It was such a dark, tragic year. And then by mid-June, I couldn’t
take it anymore, so I told him how I feel about how he treats me and how it’s
all so wrong, then he kept making fun of what I said. HE LAUGHED ABOUT IT. Then
at some point I just lost it and said, ‘WE ARE OVER!’ I felt so bad that day
and regretful because I thought that the last thing, he needed was to lose
someone else and I asked him two days later to get back together but he refused
and told me he wants to focus on his healing.
When that happened, EVERYTHING that I was refusing to deal with HIT ME HARD – All the bullying and other stuff that has happened to me that I was ignoring because I didn’t want to bother with this whole painful, long healing process. [That’s where the other blog comes of ‘Personal Power: How Did I Find Myself’ comes].
So, we broke up and I was so damn angry all the time. I
cried for three hours straight that when everyone slept, and I couldn’t feel my
legs. I started coughing and almost choking from my tears, literally. My heart PHYSICALLY
hurt that at some point I genuinely thought that I was going to die. My head
was throbbing, and I started feeling dizzy, and I kept crying till my throat and
chest hurt and fell asleep. I remained deeply depressed for months, till he
came back and said that he was doing all better. Then as usual, we were on and
off because he’d say two weeks later or a month later that he is still not okay
and needs to just focus on himself.
How Did I End the Cycle and Get The Fuck Out? After almost 2.5-3 years of this fuckery happening, I completely changed. I focus on myself and started to really value myself which I explained it all in the Personal Power blog. When I was with him, I felt so detached and I was so sick and tired of hearing his excuses as to why he doesn’t want to see me and how he always pushed me away. The final straw was when he made it all about himself again and how life cruel has been to him and that he really does love me. THAT ANNOYED ME! It really did! So, I told him that the thing is with him, is that when one awful thing happens big OR SMALL, EVERYTHING STOPS. I explained to him that even though I understand that healing and mental health should be his number one priority, that I am also my number one priority. I kept going on about how the shit that happens to him is not anyone’s fault and that he can heal in his own way without mistreating me in the process. And I told him that I CANNOT to be the crutches to his emotions since I am not an emotional caretaker and he has absolutely no self-control. I went on and on about that and told him that “I am focusing on myself from now on.”
Now that’s not to say that he was faking his pain, because he really was in excruciating pain that at some point, he isolated himself from the world and pushed everyone away.
That heartbreak was the moment my life and I changed (IN A BEAUTIFUL WAY) and since I have reached my lowest point and managed rise up again and still have the capacity to really care about others and really laugh from the pit of my stomach, anything else that happened to me just hurt for a while. I was broken in the past and I glued myself back together to remain glued and strong.
What Did I Learn from
When you love yourself fully and truly, you will DEMAND that amount of love and respect from others.
Sometimes people need more help than you can give them, know your limits.
Shit that happens to others is not an excuse to act aggressively and abusively towards ANYONE.
Someone who TRULY loves you, respects you and DOES NOT body shame you.
YOU CANNOT help someone who refuses to accept help or help themselves.
Respect is a two-way street.
Love is nurturing, compassionate, sweet, kind and respectful. Love is NOT demeaning, or degrading or disrespectful – SHITTY PEOPLE ARE
Change does NOT happen in a matter of weeks. To change a flaw in YOURSELF takes time, accountability, commitment and determination. So, don’t expect to change ANYONE if that change doesn’t come from within them.
Focus on yourself before adding anyone else to the equation.
I am worthy and I still do believe in love! Love exists and it’s very much real between friends, partners and family members.
You are NEVER ALONE. I found tons of support and love from people when I started talking about my past struggles.
If you’re getting back together with someone make sure they have earned that trust and respect again. Make sure they prove to you how much they really value you.
Your body is a temple and it is YOURS. DON’T allow anyone to abuse it verbally or physically.
No more excusing excuses.
Feel comfortable to share your story in the comments and how you survived domestic violence (mental, physical, sexual or emotional) IF YOU ARE READY TO! I am always here for ANYONE who needs me. Please find help and talk to someone about this, there is ALWAYS a way out.
I think this might be one of the most difficult blogs that I’ll write, as it brings back some memories. I will share what I can share, and keep other stuff to myself. I’m entitled to my privacy no matter what. ***Please note that this blog will cover sensitive topics like depression, self-harm and suicide. If this triggers you in any way, please refrain from reading and put your health first 🖤***
I was in a relationship with someone for a while and it was on and off. Currently it’s just off and thank God I feel good about this decision. The relationship had its ups and downs, but mostly downs. I had to understand and accept at some point that a relationship isn’t built on a few good moments, it’s about every moment. In no shape or form will I allow any shit comments about either of us, even though I know I deserve better than him. This isn’t an opportunity to bully or roast anyone.
As I refuse to mention anyone’s name or identity, I will nickname him HERE as Ken. So Ken and I were so in love, like truly. We were in love for YEARS. A lot of things got in the way and even though I should’ve realised this person is someone I shouldn’t be with, we both overcame it because we were in love. 4 days after we got back together after months broken up, Ken lost an important family member whom he cherished. It started with him shutting me out as part of his grieving and I think we should always give people time to process their emotions and really digest what happened. It was hard seeing him suffer and refuse to let anyone in, including myself. For the first month or two, he was jumping from isolation to “lets go out and I’m fine” as he was trying to move forward and trying to be okay with everything.
The closure he didn’t get and the feelings of loss, anger, despair and heart break started making him aggressive. There were times where he wouldn’t respond to my texts or calls, and times where he would act defensive with me. I always felt like I didn’t know what to say or the right words to say, but I still tried. The situation made me feel useless and inadequate because he didn’t feel better and any more comfortable with his own girlfriend. For around 5-6 months (really short time ofc) we were in this cycle of “I miss you” to “don’t talk to me” to “I want to be alone” to “I feel this” and it would repeat over and over again.
The mistake I made in a situation like this, is knowing that he was self-harming and slowly dying made me neglect my own feelings and tell myself that this is about HIM. When in reality a relationship is about two people with two different shared journeys.
At some point, he refused help because he didn’t believe it was possible to heal. He thought he did everything he could to feel better, and at that time his “friends” walked away as he kept shutting them out. I felt so depressed seeing him that way and then him not letting me see him or respond to my texts or calls. This was one of the scariest phases of my life. I always wondered if something happened to him or if he hurt himself. So I decided to have a conversation with him about how I feel and how it scares me not to hear from him over a week or so. I explained that I only want to make sure he is okay, and that I’m here when he is ready to talk about it. I wanted to let him know he isn’t alone and even though I was the only one left in his life, it doesn’t mean that he had to go through this alone.
His response was always aggressive, and when I tried to tell him how upset I felt in the hopes that this will make him feel safer being vulnerable, his response was either cold or ridicule. It sucked that I wasn’t acknowledged but I thought in that moment that he isn’t himself at the moment and he just needs time because he really is heart broken. Then it became verbally abusive… he called me names and even body shamed me, then he’d apologise saying that he only says shit like that so that I can stay away from him. He’d say he wants to be with me but he doesn’t want to drag me down with him.
This kept happening over and over again, destroying the both of us in the process. Also in that time, I was self-conscious about myself in every way and he was the first REAL love of my life after I was bullied so I latched onto him and refused to let go. I barely talked about it with my friends because I knew they’d tell me to leave him for being verbally abusive and that’s something I wasn’t ready to hear. So I told myself for the longest time that he’ll realise that he’s wrong sooner or later, he loves me too much but he’s just hurting, that he is a good person but he has his moments and that one day he’ll change. Did any of that happen? Fuck to the NO. Why? Again, we’re two different people on different journeys. I was supposed to focus on my journey of self-love, self-respect and confidence enough to set standards and refuse to be verbally abused or even let it get to me (wrote a whole blog about it called Personal Empowerment: How Did I Find Myself?)
We fought a lot after that, like A LOT that it was so exhausting. And at some point, I exploded! I was angry and I expressed everything I felt that year. I was crying almost daily from fear of losing him, feeling alone with him, worrying about him, how he made me feel about myself, how I viewed myself and I still wasn’t over things that happened to me before that. And when I did that day, Ken didn’t acknowledge my feelings or as he would say, he didn’t want to “show that he cares” but he “loves” me too much. He was cold and his response seemed like he wasn’t taking it seriously. So out of anger, I literally said “WE’RE OVER!”
How Can You Help A Depressed Person?
1- Give them time to process their feelings and really understand what happened. People grieve differently and I think there isn’t a specific time where they should feel fine, because people are different. Understand that their time alone is NOT an insult to you, it’s about collecting their thoughts and re-evaluating things in silence.
2- Make them feel it’s a safe space. Tell them that even though it feels very lonely and while you know that they’re in such a dark place, it doesn’t mean they don’t have anyone. Tell them that you’re there if they need a shoulder to cry on, or to just, or even to just sit in silence together.
3- Let them know that how they feel is VALID. You might NOT understand what they’re going through even if you think you do. However, they might not believe that you get it because you’re not in their shoes, which is something you have to accept. Nothing angers them more than people who act like they know what it’s like.
4- Help them get their life back together. Taking time off to rethink everything and grieve is one thing, and them leaving themselves to decay is another thing. Help them by maybe going to the gym so they can let out their emotions. Or go for a run together, maybe even clubbing to dance! Give them a reason to get out of the house.
5- Know your boundaries and limits – You have NO right to invade their privacy or pressure them to talk when they made it clear that they’re not ready. I know how concerned we can be, but the more you push them, the more they’ll push you away. Limits- the amount of help you can give. I know there is a huge stigma surrounding mental health but FUCK THAT. If you have given them all the support, love and care you can give for a while and it doesn’t work, it’s time for them to seek professional help. Him/Her seeking professional help doesn’t mean that it’s over for them or that you’re not good enough or worthy enough. There is a limit to the amount of help we can all give and going to a therapist should be looked at as an OPENING. It’s a new journey to learn how to deal with emotions and cope with them.
What Boundaries Should I Set?
Please, for the love of hummus DO NOT let anyone DISRESPECT YOU. Sometimes we lash out or throw tantrums, but when it’s constant, it puts you down and your view of self-worth. I’m sorry but whatever they are going through is NOT your fault, you DID NOT cause this. Look at it this way, you’re giving them your shoulder to cry on, your time and space for them to talk, your energy to take them out and help them, all the love in your heart and being very cautious with every word you say, and that’s how they treat you?? If it happened once or twice, I think it’s normal, but if happens often or a lot, then it’s time to re-evaluate that relationship. We see enough shit from the world and fucking shit in life, so really why are we doing the same shit to each other? Why? It’s a big problem if that person is someone you’re seeing because it shows how they don’t really value you or respect you enough. Do you treat them the same way when you go through something? Every situation reveals a layer to each and every single one of us.
DON’T be an emotional caretaker. You’re a human being whose job is to give support and be there for them, but you can’t be the crutches to anyone’s emotions. He/She has to be able to look after themselves even when they’re at their lowest. Dragging you down with them won’t pull either of you up.
Know when to walk away – I’ll put it this way, you CANNOT help someone who refuses to help themselves. You can ENCOURAGE them to get help or open up, but the decision to start the healing journey and really feeling every emotion to get through it is a choice that you can’t make for anyone. A relationship is built on respect, communication, loyalty and affection. If that person isn’t communicating with you any longer like you used to, it will be very hard to get back that communication. If they’re constantly distancing themselves and expect you to be there for them even when they mistreat you, then they don’t respect you enough and it’s a selfish thing to want. Don’t forget that a boyfriend/girlfriend should have the same qualities is a friend and when the friendship is lost, the spark starts to fade. So really what are you doing right now? You aren’t friends anymore, you lost the spark, you’re barely communicating, you’re being mistreated and disrespected and you feel alone. What the damn hell are you doing? Even a therapist should be able to establish a connection with them and a therapist/psychologist is a mental health professional. You’re THEIR LOVER.
Remember that we are all on a different journey and there is only so much that we can give. Losing yourself for someone isn’t romantic or cute, it’s self-destructive. There is always help out there but people have different timings and hope can always grow in our hearts after it has been lost. Love should be kind not cruel, love should be respectful not degrading, love should be compassionate not demeaning, love should be affectionate not toxic. I’m not asking you to expect romance and butterflies in a time like this, because you would be asking them for a lot. But the ability to control their anger and not using stabbing words with you or about you isn’t that hard to control. We all have at least 1% control in situations like this, so it’s not okay to fuck people over because you’re hurting. Love doesn’t hurt because love is kind, shit people do hurt you. Being in pain does NOT make a wrong less wrong and being a dick is never an opportunity.
If you ever need to talk to someone just let me know and I’ll be here 🖤 Feel free to share your story in the comments IF YOU WANT TO💋
Symptoms of Social Anxiety (Please see the photo below as well)
Anxious/self-conscious in social situations
Difficulty participating in certain activities/situations even though you want to
Avoiding conversation when possible
Worrying what people think of you
Worrying you come across as not interesting
Fear of being the centre of attention
Fear of others realising your discomfort with attention
What Causes Social Anxiety?
In order to treat a health condition or simply be able to deal with a problem you’re experiencing, you have understand the causes and triggers of it. Here are some causes of social anxiety:
Behavioural: Past situations that took place, usually social situations can cause social anxiety. You don’t have to go back to that specific moment every time you experience anxiety because it has been ingrained into your subconscious mind. An example of this is an embarrassing/humiliating moment in public. This can cause fear of embarrassment or saying something that would make you feel ‘dumb.’ Not that it’s true of course, NO ONE IS DUMB.
Thinking Styles: People who hold negative beliefs about themselves or are generally self-conscious are the ones most likely to have thoughts such as “there is nothing good about me, I’ll probably look stupid when I dance in front of them.” or “I’m not good enough to give this presentation. I’m just awkward.”
Evolutionary Factors: “It is also possible that people develop social anxiety because of In reality it is likely that a combination of these factors play a role in the development of social anxiety. However, in some ways it is less important to know what causes social anxiety and more important to know what stops us overcoming it. What prevents us overcoming social anxiety? evolutionary factors. To understand this, it is worth considering that humans are generally a sociable species who tend to thrive in the company of others. Because of this, it makes sense that people prefer to avoid upsetting others and ultimately being rejected. It therefore seems plausible that socially anxious people are simply slightly over sensitive to being negatively evaluated due to the disadvantages this brings. This could explain why socially anxious people go out of their way not to offend others.”
Biological Reasons: Your genetic makeup can increase the chances of having similar social anxiety symptoms (similar to a family member).
Exercise To Understand Your Anxiety MORE:
Here is an example of the exercise:
Now, do this task please:
How Do I Deal With My Anxiety?
Now that you have a clearer idea as to how you’re truly feeling and the possible reason(s) why, you’ll be able to implement changes. However, we have to be realistic and understand that it is a daily task to overcome/reduce anxiety. It won’t heal overnight of course, but it is always better to have some control and manage your symptoms.
1- Challenging Unhelpful Thoughts: Before, during or after a social event we tend to have unhelpful thoughts like “I’ll stutter and I will have nothing to say,” “Everyone is staring at me because I am trembling and I look like shit,” “I sounded like a dumbass. Fuck me for being so stupid!” Now, in moments like these I want you to take a moment and be alone. Even if you have to go to the bathroom. I know this sounds cliche but we really do forget to BREATHE. Take a few slow deep breaths through your nose and breathe out from your mouth. Do it for 3-5 minutes or as long as you need to and then ask yourself if this thought is simply and assumption or is it just your negative self speaking? In order to do this and challenge these thoughts you have to be willing to face the fact that you can be WRONG about this. If it’s an assumption, then tell yourself to be realistic and not give a damn what they say or think for the rest of this ONE DAY. If it is your negative self speaking, give that voice a name like “shitbird” (Walking Dead gamers know what I’m talking about :P) after giving it a name, whenever you get these thoughts tell yourself “That’s just shitbird speaking cuz he/she is full of shit” and then ask yourself to CANCEL that thought and bring yourself back to reality. STOP predicting the future! You have no idea what will happen that day (in a good way) and making false predictions with the 2% possibility of it coming true is ILLOGICAL and UNHELPFUL. Remember that you can never TRULY know what others are thinking because you’re not a mind-reader. Now if you’re being bullied that’s something else and I encourage you to find help ASAP, if you can’t CONTACT ME IMMEDIATELY.
2- STOP OVERGENERALISING: I know we all have a knack of generalisin situations based on a past experience. Then again, you need to track your thoughts and ask yourself if there is ACTUAL evidence that the past is repeating itself or is it that thought repeating itself? Part of tracking your thoughts is refusing to dwell on the event that already happened by occupying your mind with something else MORE productive than sitting down and thinking what went down that day or today.
3- Friend Pretend: Pretend to be ANOTHER person talking TO YOU (do this alone of course. You can talk to yourself out loud or in your head) and imagine if you the friend hears the REAL YOU expressing their current thoughts and anxiety, what would you tell them? What advice would you give? How can you explain that this thought is unhelpful and not evident or logical? Ask questions like “What would be another way to look at this situation and what will it take to achieve this?”
4- Reduce The Internal Focus: During social events, try to enjoy the moment and really take part in the event. Whether it’s joining the conversation or eating or taking photos. Now if you really can’t find anything to talk about and your anxiety kicks in, excuse yourself for a moment and go out or to the bathroom and do the breathing exercise. Anxiety is NORMAL – we all experience it differently at some point – it isn’t as visible as you imagine, someone else in this room could be experiencing the same anxiety and you never even noticed – you are NOT unusual, you’re just having a MOMENT. Life is built on a series of MOMENTS. Every moment since the day we were born is what our lives are built on, NOT A SPECIFIC MOMENT.
5- Courage: How many times have you avoided a feeling or a problem and it all came back at some point? Avoiding a situation is NEVER a solution becuse you’re just DELAYING the INEVITABLE. It’s only in putting yourself out there and facing the social situations that you avoid is when you can truly prove to yourself that you can COPE with it. Confront that anxiety and call yourself out. Seriously, If you have a lot on your mind then do the HIERARCHY exercise, which is writing down all situations that make you anxious, rank them and then put them in order. Work on each item on that list either from top to bottom or bottom to top. You have to start somewhere.
NOTE: PLEASE see a mental health professional if your anxiety is out of hand. IT IS NOT A SHAME and it is OKAY. FEELINGS are NORMAL. Not dealing with anxiety can lead to other health conditions mental and physical ones. Anxiety is associated A LOT with DEPRESSION. So please get help or find a helpline depending on where you live.
Samaritans Samaritans provides confidential emotional support, 24 hours a day for people who are experiencing feelings of distress or despair, including those which may lead to suicide. You don’t have to be suicidal to call us. We are here for you if you’re worried about something, feel upset or confused, or you just want to talk to someone. Phone: 116123 Web Site: http://www.samaritans.org
Anxiety UK National charity established in 1970 to provide support and services to those suffering from all anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, panic attacks, social phobia, simple phobia, phobia and tranquiliser issues. Phone: 08444 775 774 Web Site: http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/
Breathing Space Breathing Space is a free, confidential phone line you can call when you’re feeling down. You might be worried about something – money, work, relationships, exams – or maybe you’re just feeling fed up and can’t put your finger on why. Phone: 0800 83 85 87 Web Site: http://www.breathingspacescotland.co.uk
Living Life to the Full Living Life to the Full is an online life skills course made up of several different modules designed to help develop key skills and tackle some of the problems we all face from time to time. Web Site: http://www.llttf.com/
The moment we start feeling hurt or upset is the moment we tell ourselves that we have to “keep it together” to be “strong” and we do that by keeping that feeling inside. We do it by bottling things up.. the reality is that by doing so, we hurt ourselves more.. it becomes suffocating.. difficult to breathe even.. Remember that staying silent doesn’t quiet your mind or soul.. the noise is still there.. and that is something I’m working on.. I’m not always happy and today I’m definitely not feeling myself.. the smallest things sometimes make me reflect on things that happened a long time ago.. please talk to someone and let it out.. share your experience here with being vulnerable.. it MIGHT help me muster up the courage and energy to open up..
Going to a therapist for the first time is as difficult as making the decision to see one. Whether you’re seeing a counsellor, therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist, the angst and anxiety feels the same way when you’re going to your first visit.
~ I know how it feels because I’ve been there~
I hope the following advice calms your nerves a little or makes it a little easier..
– Opening up to someone can be mentally draining and it feels weird sometimes to do so. A therapist helps you talk about what YOU want to talk about. If there is a specific topic or part of your life that you’re not ready to share, a therapist’s job is to respect that and listen. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about.
— On my way to my first visit, I was wondering how the hell do I start the conversation. There was a lot on my mind and a lot going on so I wasn’t sure how it was going to go and from where to start. Usually during your first session, the therapist/psychologist gets to know YOU first. As in who you are, what do you do, who do you live with, how old are you and what are you struggling with (lets say “going through a break up, feeling lonely and parental issues.”) That’s usually the first session and you can go with the flow.
– Confidentiality: As most of you know, what’s said in that room MUST stay in that room BY LAW. It’s their job to keep things confidential and you get a SIGNED agreement with their name on there. You have absolutely nothing to fear. The only time a therapist breaks that confidentiality AND they do let you know that they will beforehand is if you’re at risk or harming someone else. You’re safe and a lot of people are depressed, suicidal or self-harming and it’s their job to listen, understand and help. Feeling that way doesn’t mean that they instantly make the decision to break confidentiality.
– Nothing you say is “stupid.” If you’re struggling with it then it’s a problem worth talking about no matter how big or small it is. Some people simply see a counsellor due to school/examinations stress. It’s okay to not be okay🖤
How Do I Know If I Picked The Right Therapist/Psychologist?
A) You formed a bond with them – a connection. Therapy shouldn’t feel too formal. It should feel safe and calm. This is YOUR space. If you’re gonna spend a few weeks or months with that therapist, then please make sure it’s someone you feel you have a connection with.
B) Their job is to NOT judge you. They can give you advice and guide you to the right path, but a therapist DOES NOT judge your decisions or your background (race, sex, sexual orientation, religion, spirituality, nationality, etc…)
C) Their experience in that field. ALWAYS do your research. Make sure that therapist is registered and read the testimonials. Read more about that therapist – field of experience and for how long?
D) They don’t PRESSURE you. They encourage you to talk about something when you want to talk about it (but it’s hard to let it out) but they DON’T MAKE YOU TALK ABOUT ANYTHING WHEN YOU’RE NOT READY
💋💋Remember this is YOUR SPACE AND YOUR MONEY. You get to talk about whatever you want without feeling “stupid” and please understand that being mentally ill isn’t a shame, it’s something every single one of us experiences. Life happens and things get shitty. We all need someone to talk to. Talking to a stranger sometimes who knows nothing about you can be better than talking to someone who knows a lot about you, as they can judge you based on actions you’ve done in the past or based one how much they think they know you. 💋💋
I’m always here if you need anyone to talk to 💋 sending you all tons of love and light. 🖤🖤
I’m writing this blog to give you 20 tips on how to improve your self-confidence and self-love, because that’s the key to personal empowerment. These tips I have mentioned below are based on my personal experience, communication with a mental health professional and doing some online research. Feel free to share this blog with anyone who needs a little boost or so. I promise you if you implement these changes and tips in your DAILY life, you’ll start to feel a difference. It takes around 21 days for something to become a habit, but I want you to challenge yourself for 30 DAYS and see if you start to notice SOME difference and feel a little better about yourself. Of course if you’re dealing with depression or any other mental health condition you’ll need extra help, but these tips can definitely help. On that note, I wrote a blog about how I deal with anxiety so please check it out if you need it.
Tips on Enhancing Self-Confidence:
1- Spend Time Alone: You need to understand that you’re spending the rest of your life with yourself no matter who you end up with. This is why I am asking you to spend some time alone and enjoy your company a little bit more. You’re living 70+ years with YOURSELF, don’t you think it’s crucial to maybe love your presence a little bit more? I urge you to start by watching a movie alone at home with some pop corn and take yourself out for coffee and wear whatever makes you feel comfortable when you do so. You need to start feeling a bit more comfortable with yourself to start loving you, yourself and you. YOU CAN DO IT. There is absolutely nothing wrong about doing that, it doesn’t make you weird or socially awkward. Fuck whatever anyone else says. This is about YOU. “Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship you have.”
2- Change Your Lifestyle: Time to eat clean (nourishing food that you enjoy and that serve you right – improves your overall health, makes you full and satisfies you and makes you feel good) That doesn’t mean eliminate sweets and carbohydrates COMPLETELY, just make sure what you eat serves your body right. Also, the healthier you eat the less cravings you have. You can enjoy a cookie or a rocky brownie without binging if you eat INTUITIVELY. Looking after your emotional and physical wellbeing is ABSOLUTELY IMPORTANT. So get yourself checked every 6-12 months and start doing exercises that YOU ENJOY to stay committed- Swimming, martial arts, yoga, going for a walk in nature, weight lifting, etc…. Also, practice GRATITUDE- Shift your focus from what you don’t have and dislike about yourself and life to what you actually like. Start to notice the beauty in your daily life and write it down if you have to EVERY SINGLE DAY till it becomes a habit. “Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Mind.Body.Spirit.”
3- Be More Forgiving with YOURSELF: Again, you’re spending the rest of your life with you, yourself and YOU. Learning from your mistakes and holding yourself accountable is one thing, and being self-degrading is another thing. You need to turn over a new leaf and move on from what you’ve done. You know how kind and forgiving you can be to others? Yeah well you are the most important person in your life and it’s time to be that kind and forgiving with yourself. Also, you need to ACCEPT that not everyone will forgive you and they DON’T HAVE TO. You’ve done what you’ve done and whether or not they want to forgive you and see the new you, it’s their choice. Just like it’s your choice to accept them over time and move on to start anew. “Be very gentle with yourself. The world is very very very hard on you.”
4- No More FUCKERY: Time to get out of TOXIC relationships, fake friendships, emotional vampires, staying away from fuckgirls/fuckboys and family members that bring you down (if you can). You don’t serve yourself and allow yourself to evolve and grow by having emotional vampires and fucks in your life. Remember that a fuck can’t invite himself/herself in, unless you open the door for them and let them in. I don’t care how long you have known each other or who they used to be. What matters is who they are NOW and how they make YOU feel. Of course walking away and tearing that chapter from your life is so hard, but you gotta do it and the faster you do it, the quicker you’ll get on the healing and growth journey. You can’t avoid the problem forever, it’ll only grow. You get one life and one body in this life, anyone who doesn’t appreciate that or makes you feel like shit needs to shipped far away to the land of fuckery! Goodbye. It’s their loss anyway. “There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The truth nobility is in being superior to your precious self.” – Quote applies to both MEN and WOMEN
5- Dress To Impress YOU: That includes clothes, accessories and your hair. It’s important to feel comfortable in your clothes and love what you wear, because that’s what gives you a little confidence boost. Dressing to impress others won’t really fulfill you and make you love what you wear. You can still impress them by walking around confidently whether with a hoodie, a top and jeans or a stylish, classy outfit with some heels on. Confidences makes you BEAUTIFUL! How many times have you seen someone appeal so many and think to yourself “But there are way prettier people..” – Not that I like that thought or support it, but we all have this vision of what a sexy, gorgeous person appears to be- “The fact that someone else loves you doesn’t rescue you from the project of loving yourself.” – Sahaj Kohli
6- Groom Yourself (From the inside out…)- This aligns with ‘Dress To Impress YOU’ because looking after your skin, taking a long, warm bath, getting your nails done and styling your hair makes you feel “clean” and more satisfied with how you look and smell. “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserves your love and affection.”
7- Go For A Change: DO something different and new for YOU, whether it’s changing your body (Not that I’m saying you have to look a certain way. You’re stunning no matter what, but if you want to enhance or shrink a part of your body, it’s your choice but do it for YOU, not your partner or so-called family and friends). You can get a new haircut, hair dye and/or find a new hobby.
8- Purge Yourself With Positive Affirmations: Our subconscious mind contains messages and affirmations we’ve been sending to ourself through internal dialogues, songs we listen to, movies we watch and people we’re around. Which is why it’s time to change that dialogue and start affirming more positive stuff about yourself like we believe it and our subconscious mind will start soaking those messages. “The problem is you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.”
9- Embrace Your Quirks: Embrace everything about that makes YOU unique. Screw being ‘normal,’ being normal is overrated. Pffft. Start asking yourself what is unique about you and what can you love about that quality? “Have unshakable faith in yourself to become everything you want to be.”
10- Write Down EVERY single Day AT LEAST 5 Things You Love About Yourself: Being self-aware is a crucial part of self-growth, that’s how you become aware of what needs to change (aka FLAWS) and what needs improvement. But self-awareness is also about noticing the parts of you that deserve more attention and love. I know that you’re probably thinking how the hell can you find 5 different things to write down DAILY. But let me tell you it’s exactly like writing an essay, you don’t know where to start and how to do it, but the moment you get a pen in your hand and start writing it down, the easier it becomes and that’s when more ideas and thoughts flow. “Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.”
11- Stand Your Ground! Make a decision to NO longer take bs from ANYONE. Respect is a two-way street and that applies to relationships, friends and family. Do NOT allow anyone to walk over you or talk you down. No one is worth putting yourself down for! There is nothing humble about making yourself feel like crap so people around you feel better about themselves. This is how you become more and more assertive NOT blunt/rude.
I’m sorry, but it’s not your problem that they lack love in their life or confidence or even if they have shit going down in their life. We all have at least 2% control of what comes out of our mouth and how we respond to certain things. They are on their own journey of healing and self-discovery, and you are on yours. “The more you love yourself, the less nonsense you’ll tolerate.”
12- Quit The Hate: Too often do we judge and criticise others, whether we do it on social media to cyber bully people (with/without the intention to do so), behind others backs or in their face. Confident women/men don’t sit around making fun of what someone else wears or lives their life. I think we need to start learning to mind our own business and leave people alone. People who hate are either too arrogant, self-conscious or just sick themselves. Distance yourself from them and DON’T be them. “Our self-respect tracks our choices. Every time we act in harmony with our authentic self and our heart, we earn our respect. It is that simple. Every choice matters.” – Dan Coppersmith
13- Get Out of Your Comfort Zone: In order to grow, you need to start doing the things you’ve been delaying and never actually done them. You need to start being more courageous to gain confidence in return. Start small, and you’ll be able to do more.
14- Check Yourself Out: Instead of standing in the mirror and hating on your nose shape, body size and skin imperfections, how about telling yourself what’s beautiful about it? And if you don’t think a specific feature is pretty enough ask yourself how did that belief start? What’s the root of that belief? Is it a toxic partner? Social media models? Because really, what is beauty and who sets those standards? I remember back then people were for thin eyebrows, and now everyone is getting them tinted or a brow pencil/gel. Also thin legs were considered ‘hot,’ now there are YouTube videos on how to have thicker thighs and wider hips. “Work on being in love with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but is still standing.”
15- Release The Negative Energy Within You: You CANNOT love yourself when you’re filled with hatred, heart ache, sadness, anger, and so on. You need to release that energy and there are a lot of different ways to do so (upcoming blog will explain), but you can search online, read books, watch videos -I love Ted X- spend more time in nature, change your internal dialogue and talk to a counselor, therapist or psychiatrist/psychologist if you need to do so. Remember, we ALL have or had a mental illness because it is NORMAL. Screw that stigma around mental health and there are a lot of platforms and movements now that are for mental health. Not that you need any approval to feel a certain way by a platform, but I’m just saying that you can get tons of support just like you get criticised. Quoting something I always say: “Today I choose to purge myself out of a toxic mindset, because I am worthy of being loved with every fibre of my being by myself.” You deserve to feel that same way <3
16- Put Yourself Out There: Remember what I said about being courageous and brave? When I talk about being brave, I don’t mean to jump without a parachute, that’s just irresponsible and dumb. I mean start chasing the opportunities you’ve been wanting to chase, start going out and meeting a new man/woman and go after what you want (without demeaning yourself in the process. Be passionate, NOT DESPERATE). I think one of the things us human beings fear the most is REJECTION. You need to understand and accept that rejection is part of life, whether it’s being rejected by someone or a job interviewer. If you think you’ll never get rejected, then you’re fooling yourself. It’s a part of life and sometimes being rejected can be good. Maybe you wouldn’t be with the friends your around now or the workplace that you love now if you haven’t been rejected in the past. And being rejected by someone is how you know it’s time to move on and avoid the confusion of ‘do they like me but not show it?’ “Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.”
****17- IDGAF Attitude: Do you want to love yourself? or get a glimpse of what it’s like to feel invincible and unbreakable about who you are? Then you gotta develop that IDGAF attitude. You weren’t born to please anyone and you most definitely didn’t sign a contract to make that friend, lover, family member approve of who you are and what you do. You should never need anyone’s approval and that is the worst prison to put yourself in. I used to care so much about what people will say about what I wear as a hijabi and how I’ll look when I go out without makeup. Then I remembered that a) Who are they to judge? I don’t answer to people, I answer to GOD. (If you don’t believe in God that’s okay ofc) b) The only opinion that matters is how I feel about myself when I look in the mirror. People have different styles and come from different backgrounds, and that’s what makes this world a wonderful place to live in. That’s what makes each person different. Seeking advice is okay, but seeking ‘approval’ is a no-no. Yeah they think your passion or hobby is lame, so what? They think you need to gain some weight, who gives a shit what they think? Remember that you allow people to get to you by listening to them. If what you’re doing is not harming anyone in any way, then it’s none of their damn business what you do.
18- Stop Trying To BE ANYONE ELSE: Kim K’s body is perfect for Kim K, Rihanna’s skin tone is perfect for Rihanna. And you are perfect for YOU with who you are and with your imperfections. Chasing after what’s not really you is the best way to be inconfident. Of course you can get some inspiration and find a role model to look up to, but trying so hard to not be YOU is not how you will love YOURSELF.
19- Assertiveness: Being assertive is not about being rude or disrespecting anyone, it’s about being comfortable with sharing your thoughts and feelings. Keeping yourself in that bubble of thoughts can make you feel very lonely. Don’t be afraid to speak up for what you believe in. This is why I said you need to develop the IDGAF attitude to judgements and criticisms. Having different opinions and sharing them with one another is totally fine, but being CRITICISED for having an opinion on something that you have every right to do so is disgusting. Be fearless and courageous. Be brave!
20- Specialised Knowledge: Having knowledge about a topic that you’re passionate about puts you high in spirits. You know what the heck you’re talking about and how it can benefit/help other people. Knowledge can be in stuff like education (sciences), law of attraction, nutrition, art and music, and many more.
If you read this ENTIRE blog, THANK YOU SO MUCH and I really do hope it helps. I know it’s a lot of information, so I suggest you pick three of these and start working on them. I suggest you work on your mental wellbeing first before applying any of these tips. Other than that I say start with ‘IDGAF Attitude,’ ‘Change Your Lifestyle,’ and ‘Write Down 5 Things You Love About Yourself Daily.’ And remember that I am more than happy to listen if you need someone to talk to xoxo
Lets start by explaining what anxiety is, because there is a lot of confusion surrounding this. People think anxiety is “being stressed” or just “worrying about something and overthinking it” Sure, these definitely fall under anxiety, but it so much more than that… Anxiety is a crippling feeling of fear and worry like something TERRIBLE is about to happen and you just can’t explain the feeling that your chest can feel tight sometimes. It’s a hole you get sucked in and it feels impossible to get out of your mind, because your mind is telling you all the logical reasons as to why this thing or things will happen to you. At the same time, your mind is thinking of the most irrational ways as to how something terrible is going to happen, because there were times when things unexpectedly happened out of nowhere. Sometimes you even allow yourself to feel that way to prepare yourself for the storm in your head.
Anxiety is a mental illness and it is very real. Your mind and your heart is RACING that you question every thing around you.. EVERYTHING… Some people experience anxiety differently, like uncontrollable shaking, crying real and painful tears with/without reason, feeling nauseous, breaking out in rash, panic attacks, insomnia, picking up fights, flashbacks, irritatabilty and/or A LOT of ‘what ifs’ and ‘I don’t know.’ I will go through a few things that help ME control it, and it may help you. If you’re anxiety is completely out of control, please see a professional because it hinders your day-to-day activity. And remember, you’re not alone in this.. A LOT of people have anxiety, even celebrities like Lili Reinhart, Ashley Benson, Emma Stone and Oprah Winfrey have revealed their struggles with anxiety. Please read the list below and see what works for you. Feel free to ask me any questions. If you want to talk to someone, comment down or find the ‘Contact’ button on my profile.
How Do I Deal With Anxiety?
I have a conversation with myself – I talk to myself like I would talk to a friend, you can do it between yourself OR you can say it outloud, totally up to you, I tell myself “Okay, I am feeling this way right now and ignoring it won’t solve the problem. There is not much to do about it right now, All I have to do is to stay calm and just breath.”
Open mindness to others– LET your friends tell you why those reasons you’re thinking about are irrelevent and the reasons why nothing bad will happen. Really allow yourself to listen, otherwise that anxiety ego will take over and win. Don’t let that enemy in there win. It’s one of the many recurring thoughts we have daily, and it is OKAY to feel that way sometimes, just listen to people this one time.
4 Fold Breath – I know how clichee this sounds, but we really do forget to breath sometimes. So try this method that I learned from a YouTube Channel – Law of Attraction Solutions – Take a deep breath for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, breath out for 4 seconds and empty your minds for JUST 4 seconds. If 4 seconds is a lot, practice 2 seconds, then do it for longer when you can. I say repeat this method for 5 to 10 minutes. if you need to do it for longer (20-30 minutes) then by all means do so. Trust me, it helps. Studies have proven that this increases the supply of oxygen to your brain to promote a state of calmness. Just focus on your breathing for those 5-30 minutes. It takes practice, but it REALLY works.
Mindfulness – This is a technique used to bring you back to the present and that is done by bringing your attention to your 5 senses. Lets say you’re in your bedroom right now, laying in bed. Here is what you do: – Ask yourself, what am I seeing? Identify and point out everything you see – Ask yourself, what am I hearing? The fan? A car outside? your breathing? – Ask yourself, what am I feeling? So feeling is what you’re touching, your body is touching the bed because you’re laying down. Your head is on the pillow, your arms are on the side of the bed and let yourself drift away. – Ask yourself, what am I smelling? Food in the room? scent of a spray? perfume on your top? – Ask yourself, what do I taste? What taste is in your mouth right now? After taste of food? Just brushed your teeth? The taste of nothing? Do it one by one and when you are able to do them each, try to recognise all of your 5 senses at the same time. Take as much time as you need, it’s okay. If you want to close your eyes and do the other 4 senses, go for it.
CHANGE THE ATMOSPHERE: I immediately LEAVE the house because I refuse to be a slave to those thoughts. I refuse to fall in that hole and I choose to be in control because I can. If I can do it, so can you. Simply say ‘NO’ and change the atmosphere, go somewhere – a cafe, to a park, go for a walk with earphones on, to a friend’s place (I hope you ask them first before barging in) or just hop in the shower then make yourself a hot chocolate and sit in the balcony or open the window and stand in front of it.
Professional Help: Counselling, therapy, CBT or seeing a psychologist is REALLY helpful. Some might prescribe you with medications, some won’t. Remember that you’re not forced to do anything and you won’t lose anything if you try. If you don’t try, you might lose out on a tool that could have helped you. There are online therapists and face-to-face.
Exercise: There are various forms of exercises that help with releasing that tension, you just have to find one that works for you. Walking, going for a run, yoga, cardio, boxing, swimming, etc.. Movement does help release that energy from your body and with some people, it helps empty their mind.
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