The POWER Lies Within You <3

It’s 04:00 in the morning and I am supposed to head to bed, but I felt SUPER INSPIRED to write this! I have been wanting my first blog of 2020 to be FUCKING BOMB, but I wasn’t sure which blog post to share – THIS IS THE ONE <3 Whether this year has begun wonderful or stressful so far, LET ME give you that positive energy that I hold within. Most importantly, I will answer the question I get a lot which is “how do you keep your vibes up?”/ “how are you always happy?” [Obviously I am NOT ALWAYS happy, but I am like 90% of the time]

“As above, so below, as within, so without.”
Ever heard of that saying? This quote explains that your internal energy reflects the external. But how? Us human beings, we are logical beings, so I will explain this logically before jumping to give you some GOOD vibes and energy, as I write this from the heart! In quantum physics, there are laws just like the law of gravity, in this case, I am talking about the law of attraction. Law of attraction states that likes attracts like, so whatever thoughts and beliefs you hold depending on how and where you were raised and your life experience – THAT IS WHAT MANIFESTS INTO YOUR LIFE – I know what you’re thinking… ‘That’s bullshit.’

Nope. Trust me, it is NOT. Let me ask you something RIGHT NOW – do you believe that you’re unlucky? If you answered ‘yes,’ how are things working out for you? My guess is that you’re always hitting roadblocks and an awful luck. Ever looked at someone who perceives themselves as ‘lucky?’ Lucky people perceive themselves that way, and that’s what they became. Still don’t believe me? Well let me convince you.

Close your eyes now and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM POWERFUL”
Open your eyes.
Close your eyes again and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM WEAK”
Open your eyes.

Do you notice the difference in how you felt and your posture? That’s how powerful our words, thoughts and emotions are. Psychology states that the moment you say ‘I AM’ that is what you start to become. How many of you here say “I AM BROKE?” What’s your circumstance now? Now think back to a time where you were financially stable and just remember how you perceived yourself in that moment and how you felt. Obviously, roadblocks are a part of life, but we do have massive control over our circumstances. When you were financially stable, at some point before that you visualised yourself as wealthy in future and you felt it in your heart centre. The more you believe a thought and emotionalise it, that is what you start to become. The more you focus on something, the more you start to notice it every where. If your focus is on stress and struggle, you see even more stress and struggle. What you direct your focus on is what you see, think and feel more of.

If you want to understand this topic on a deeper level, go watch The Secret or read the book. Either way, I will in future write a blog specifically for the ‘Law of Attraction’ and explain more the process of ‘ask, believe, receive.’ These have been proven by quantum physics, psychology and even in a lot of religions if you’re religious. I will also share REAL LIFE examples and experiences, and how I CHANGED my belief system for the better. For the time being you can check out my other blog about reprogramming your subconscious mind here.

YOU hold SO MUCH POWER within you! Believe it or not, YOU are your own hero. People can bring you down, yes. People can hurt you. Life can be unfair. But the choice to get on your healing journey and be a badass is one that YOU make! You are capable of doing almost ANYTHING – YES YOU ARE! Stop setting yourself limitations and being a slave to FEAR (F.E.A.R. = False.Evidence.Appearing.Real.) So get up and get yourself feeling AMAZING! READ THESE OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF NOW:

I am CAPABLE.
I am RESILIENT.
I have the ability to go above and beyond.
I rise above any circumstance.
I am STRONG!
I am TALENTED!
I am FUCKING POWERFUL!!!!!!

How Do I Keep My Vibes Up?

– Daily affirmations:
Every single morning AND night, I affirm out loud who I am! “I am confident, calm and complete.” “I am MORE than fucking enough!” “I am calm & in control of my emotions.” “I am the best version of myself.” “I am happy and enjoying every moment of my life.” As I say these, I feel it in my soul and stomach, and I say it like I fucking mean it. If you start your morning with “this day already sucks,” every little thing starts to piss you off and everything goes wrong.

– Intention:
I cannot stress the power of our intentions. Let me give you a past example – As the dumb teenager I was, I was mostly attracted to fuckbois/bad boys. I intended to be with a fuckboi one day (I did mention that I was a dumb teenager) and I always pictured in my head that would be the next ‘boyfriend.’ And guess what? I ended up with a fuckboi for 3 years… Early last year, I made a list of ‘Must haves’ and ‘Deal Breakers’ for every single person that comes into my life. The ‘must haves’ are the qualities that I believe the people that I’ll be around the most should hold and the deal breakers are the characteristics that I know will let me pack a bag and hold a sign of ‘See You Never,’ which led me to end a 6-year friendship and develop BEAUTIFUL relationships and enhance the ones I already have. So the moral of this story is to set a daily intention – Today I will be….. Today I choose to…. and that’s what I look forward to the rest of the day. What you intend becomes your focus, and what you focus on is what you begin to manifest.

Gratitude:
I remind myself DAILY the things I am grateful for – big AND small. Start with a list of 5 things, then add another 5, and keep on adding another 5 till you’re done. This could be something as small as ‘had a coffee with a friend’ or ‘heater at home.’

Close up of a woman hand writing on a notebook outdoor lying on the grass in a park

– Daily goals:
Every single night, I plan the next day. And when I say set daily goals it doesn’t have to be ‘Become Einstein and read all physics books.’ Just tasks AND reminders throughout the day to look forward to. Win the night to win the morning. Win the morning to win the day.

– Daily Motivational Video/Podcast:
Since mid 2018, I have been watching daily videos that give me a little boost. I will post some of them at the end of this blog.

Meditation (Sometimes)
I have an application called ‘Insight Timer’ and obviously, YouTube.

Self-love Reminder:
I give myself that love to myself daily (and no it’s not narcissistic, ice your clits/balls). I either write down reasons why I am worthy of a magical life and why I am a great person or I write a short letter (even one paragraph) or some notes to myself. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone to every relationship in your life. You are the most important person in your world, and if you’re not, start reading my self-love and confidence blogs.

Be present:
We all have thoughts flowing here and there all the time. So I do those two:
1) 4-fold-breath: Breathing in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for 4 seconds. Repeat till you relax.
2) 5-4-3-2-1 method: Writing down 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (for example: back touching the chair, foot on the floor, phone in hand, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. – Bring yourself back to the present

– Enjoying my own company:
I wrote an entire blog about this here

– Make myself laugh:
Maybe it’s my sense of humour, but I make myself laugh DAILY!! Whether it’s making jokes with my friend on the phone, watching a sitcom or whatever it is that you need to do, just make yourself LAUGH. To me, laughter is the BEST medicine. I discovered an Instagram filter recently and I just kept messing with it and laughing my ass off. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Two more videos?

*Has assignment submission* Me: Turns into a pig.

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

P.S.: Every emotion/feeling is healthy to a certain capacity. If someone passed away tomorrow, feeling ‘happy’ won’t do you shit. So understand that all emotions are essential – it’s about how you deal with it and the capacity of that feeling. So no, it is NOT healthy to be happy ALL THE TIME. [Coming from a happy person]. You are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to be uniquely you. You are not meant to be a robot. You’re meant to be HUMAN.

The Power of No

I grew up in a culture where it’s so hard to say no. A culture that taught us growing up that a ‘decent’ woman should abide by the rules set by her family and her ‘husband.’ As if our worth is defined by a man… *face palm* Being bold, answering back or speaking up always translated to being a disrespectful woman with no manners. We just have to say ‘yes’ as to what we’re allowed to wear according to our ‘parents’ and ‘husband,’ we have to say ‘yes’ to staying home or coming back before 10 pm and many more.

We aren’t even allowed to argue or answer back in my culture, but men are allowed to go clubbing, spend the night out, smoke, laugh out loud and date. Whereas women in my culture have to be calm, quiet, covered, have the ability to cook and clean, not date and the rest you can guess I’m sure – The Caveman Mentality. So I, more than anyone know how hard it can be to say ‘NO’ and to stand up for yourself.

I think one of the reasons why saying ‘No’ is looked at so negatively is because people confuse the difference between standing true to yourself vs being rebellious. Even being rebellious sometimes can be good – Sometimes you have to go against the social norms and cultural expectations to be who you really are and to pursue the dream you’ve been longing to have.

Step 1: How Do You Find The Courage To Speak Up?

The first thing to do is to understand what do you really want and why by asking yourself those three questions:

  1. What are your values? Why?
    Get a clear idea of why do you value a certain thing or hold a certain belief by digging deep, rather than just repeating what you’ve been force-fed from a young age.
  2. What are your priorities and how important are they?
    We ALL have an endless list of wants and desires, but what is really important to you and how does that impact your life? By asking yourself that question you will dig deeper to understand the value of each desire and which ones are actually important to you.
  3. Is It Really Worth It?
    Again, by understanding the worth of something, that fuels you to go after it and fight for it regardless of what others say. For instance, in my culture (again) you have to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or a disgrace to the family. Personally, I did want to be a doctor for the longest time but my grades weren’t the best. So I pursued my other option, Business School, which a lot of people told me is ‘bullshit’ or ‘useless.’ Apparently everything is about prestige and reputation to them, to me it is all about MY passion.

Step 2: Balancing Between Giving & Receiving

More times than none I hear people complaining about always being the giver and receiving less than they deserve or nothing in return. Saying ‘no’ isn’t just standing up to your career goals. Saying ‘no’ is setting boundaries and standards in relationships as well (Relationships = Friendships, siblings, family and romantic partnerships).

  • Know When You’re Giving Too Much: If what you’re giving other people is DRAINING your energy, consuming too much of your time to do other things or is simply biting you in the ass almost every single time as a result, then you’re giving this person more than they deserve. We all have limited abilities and limited time, with that comes a lot of other commitments. So draw the line and understand the extent to which you can give. Being too selfless is NOT -always- good if it’s at the cost of your commitments, life, etc…
  • Understand When To Expect In Return: Now I get that this isn’t a trade and I do believe that we should give without being in the mind frame of getting something in return. Then again, a lot of times I hear stories of people who weren’t given the same amount of support, respect and affection from other people. Every relationship (friendship/romantic ones/family) is between TWO PEOPLE – so respect is a two way street… That person should treat you the same way you treat them. Stop settling and accepting to receive less than what you really deserve and want. Then again, you have to draw the line between your desires and being too needy..

Step 3: What’s Stopping You?

A lot of times we want to say ‘no,’ but we freeze. So ask yourself now, why are you saying ‘yes’ to things that don’t give you fulfilment? Is it because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Fear of failure? Fear of judgement?
You have to be careful to the things that you say ‘yes’ to, because every single time you lock yourself in a responsibility for something/someone.
Yes= Settling for what’s familiar, fear wins and STAYS, doors that were open start to close.
NO= Courage and risk-taking, making use of opportunities, personal growth.

Step 4: Switch Roles – Be The Friend

I want you to take 5-10 minutes doing an exercise – Pretend in those 5-10 minutes that you’re the friend/advice giver. You, the advice giver, is listening to another YOU having the same problem or struggle. What advice would you give them? What would you tell them to do and why?

Step 5: Know When No is Good

  • Self-discipline: You know your weakness and area of improvement (personal or job-wise) and you want to work on that. You CHOOSE to demand more because where you’re currently at isn’t good enough FOR YOU.
  • Goal Aligning: Again, this can be personal goals, education, career, health, etc…
  • COMPROMISING: A lot of times I hear people talking about sacrifice like it’s something that should be done in a relationship. You do NOT sacrifice parts of yourself or your life for ANYONE, but you can COMPROMISE. Things happen sometimes and with that priorities can change sometimes, and that’s when you compromise NOT sacrifice.

Step 6: Where Are You Now?

Ask Yourself These Questions:

  1. On a scale of 1-10, how fulfilled are you with your current circumstances and why/why not?
  2. Lets say on the scale you’re 4/10 fulfilled with your financial life and 6/10 with your friendships. How can you up to a 5/10 and a 7/10?

Doing this exercise will give you a better idea on what you really want/don’t want. Doing that you understand how you can do, get and give more.

Final Step: How Do You Literally Say ‘NO?’

  • Start small – If you lived your life being ‘yessy’ all the time, obviously saying no is not going to be easy. So start saying no to small things, lets say a day where you just want to be alone and not hangout (just an example). Start small and don’t be so hard on yourself – You’ll get there ๐Ÿ™‚
  • Language – Mind the language you use when you communicate. If something doesn’t serve you right, maybe you should sit down with yourself first and think of the wording to tell someone smooth sails and God’s fucking speed in the most respectful way possible.
  • Reason – Now that you have done the previous steps and exercises, communicate your reason to the other person. Whether they accept it or not is their choice, you’ve said your piece. Move on afterwards.
  • Reminders:
    – You lock yourself in a responsibility you don’t want to hold every time you say yes to the things you want to say ‘no’ to.
    – The advice giver’s advice
    – Compromise vs sacrifice
    – YOU matter too <3
  • Demand/Persist – You mustered up the courage and energy to speak up, so stick to what you want. Unless someone gives you a logical, proper reason to change your mind and one that will serve you right, DO NOT GIVE IN!

How To Be A Badass Bitch ;)

We all have an inner boss bitch, we just need to channel it and let it OUT! Just like I have a Pettyzana side (My name: Rozana + Petty = Pettyzana – I know it’s a talent) Fuck yeah! Be your own goddamn queen/king!

Here is a list of Do’s and Dont’s:

Do’s:

Choose to be confident! The ‘how?’ is explained in this blog and here is where I explained how I did it

Self-reliant: Don’t expect for anyone to be available ALL the time. It’s time to be more responsible and independent to do everything you want to do without relying on anyone but YOURSELF. Some people might even disappoint you in future (it’s a fact. Not being pessimistic here), so no matter who you end up with, you are the only person you can rely on.

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve: To be a badass is the complete opposite of being ‘fake.’ Be your authentic self as much as you possibly can, so if you’re not feeling okay, that’s fine. Don’t be okay right now, just pick yourself back up tomorrow. If you feel happy, BE FUCKING HAPPY. If an emotion it’s real to you, then feel it and wear it on your sleeve even if it’s hard to do that. It doesn’t have to be real to anyone else but YOU.

Assertive: Speak your thoughts and opinion LOUD AND CLEAR. You have been blessed with something that NOT everyone has, and that is a VOICE. You have a voice, so choose to be heard. Now there is a fine line between being assertive and disrespectful. Assertiveness is fearlessly expressing yourself without crossing the line or others boundaries, so choose your words wisely.

Stand By What You Believe In: This again falls under being assertive, but beliefs is more about values and morals. If you truly believe in something, don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid to be true to you. Everyone has different beliefs obviously and you should respect that and receive the same respect in return.

IDGAF Attitude: I say this a lot and I will keep saying it, the person you are spending the rest of your life with is YOU. So stop giving two shits what others think of you because people judge no matter what. If I am doing something that is NOT harming anyone in any way, I tell those haters and energy suckers that I’ll sleep without an underwear so they can KISS.MY.ASS ๐Ÿ™‚ I know, the tea is too much…

Own Your Past Pain: After healing of course, choose to own your past pain by letting it shape you into a better person, rather than break you. You have been through many storms, why give up now? Pain can come back from time to time of course and everyone has a different story, just try as much as you can possibly can to remind yourself of the PRESENT rather than the PAST. I turned that pain around and developed these blogs to inspire and help many ๐Ÿ™‚

START DOING: You know that passion you have that you keep saying you’ll read about or take action soon but you keep procrastinating? Well get your ass up now and start DOING instead of flapping those lips.

– Wear WHATEVER Makes You Feel Powerful

Practice Peace of Mind: I always say make it a habit to have 1-2 days for yourself ALONE to disconnect, in order to re-connect with your commitments, relationships, yourself, etc… In those days, try to practice peace of mind, whether it’s journaling, EFT, meditation, painting, drawing, writing, and many more… Just FLUSH and detox. If you don’t have 24 hours for yourself, find at least 15 minutes when you first wake up or before bed.

Dont’s

1- People pleasing

2- Apologise Too Much – Only apologise when you’re at fault

3- Seeking approval

4- Seeking acceptance

I say: FUCK EM all ๐Ÿ™‚

Finger is still up even when it’s injured… #PETTYZANA

Developing Personal Resilience

Back in October 2019, I joined a program called “Environmental Leadership” with a company called Uprising, which is basically a 9-month program where you get to know more about the environment and develop leadership skills at the same time. That being said, we have sessions about leadership skills, networking, etc… Today’s session was about Personal Branding & Resilience, and I gladly got to meet the speaker Errol Lawson.

Errol Lawson is a speaker, author, coach and entrepreneur, whom I got his book today called ‘From Post Code To The Globe: How to Overcome Your Limitations & Realise Your Potential‘ I got to stand up today (by choice) and share my story in a room full of 60 people which was absolutely remarkable! I don’t know how I did it and how I managed to say what I said and the three ways I overcame a dark phase of my life.

Today I am writing this blog to share 3 ways to turn things around, according to Errol Lawson, so let’s get to it:

  • Choose The Right Friends: There are 4 types of friends and who you surround yourself with are the ones you pick up their energies. Apparently the 5 people you spend time with the most are the ones you begin to adopt their personality, so beware. 4 types of friends:
    Adders: These are the types of people that add value to your life in any way (YAY- keep those)
    Takers: Energy suckers basically are the ones who are ALWAYS negative about life and absolutely ungrateful. Going through a rough patch is one thing and constantly being down and depressing over anything is another thing (NAY – Stay away from them)
    Dividers: People with no goal in life (personal or career wise) and they usually try to hold you back or drag you south by discouraging your goals. (Eww- Stay away from them)
    Multipliers: These are the ones that make you feel 10ft taller with them as they constantly push you to be the best version of yourself, because they truly want what’s best for you and conversations with them usually energise you/stimulate you. (YAY – keep those)
  • Take 100% Responsibility – I mentioned this before briefly in my blogs and I will say it again. If someone wronged you or hurt you, that’s on THEM. It is not their fault though that you haven’t moved on. The first step to moving on is getting out of that victim mindset of blaming circumstances and people. Yes, shame on them, but what next?! Happiness is a responsibility and it is YOURS alone. Here are two sayings that Errol said that really stuck in my head:
    “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to ME!” Simply means that your life, your choices and your relationships (friends/family/lovers) is something that YOU are in charge of and not the circumstances or people. You make these decisions so YOU create your own destiny.
    “Excuses are the nails of the coffin in this universe.” I know how hard life can be and how a lot of times things seem out of our control or unfair, just remember that giving power to the past, to other people and to circumstances is the reason why a lot of us are unhappy. Sometimes you have to say ENOUGH and get on with your healing journey no matter how long it will take.
One of the ’13 Reasons Why’ I love Will Smith ๐Ÿ˜› Link of that 2 minute video is HERE
  • BE COURAGEOUS (Literally)!
    So what is comfort zone? Comfort is a place or a situation that seems familiar so we just settle there no matter how toxic that person/place/job can be for us. To turn things around you HAVE TO break that cycle and keep stepping out of that comfort zone. You do that by stepping into the unknown that scares you! Think about it, if you flashforward 20 years from now and today is your last day, what story do you want to tell an infant about your life? What experiences, moments and people would you want to share that made your life worth living and colourful? Which people, jobs, places and experiences were worth investing time and energy in? Really think about that and ask yourself, how can I live fully with no regrets? The last thing I personally want is to look back and say I wish I didn’t miss out on this moment/experience. So get the hell out of your comfort zone and stop letting fear win. You’re not the victim of your story. Your story is your POWER! There is nothing out of control unless you give that power to others. Remember life is too short and look at how fast the days, months and years are passing – STOP WASTING TIME AND GET OUT THERE! It is YOUR life and no one else’s!

Two things that DON’T matter:

  1. FAKE credibility
  2. Being accepted

My 2019 Confidence Story

2019 has definitely been a personal growth and self-confidence journey for me. It was my main focus this year and thank God I achieved that. Yes, I do still have some insecurities, but not in a way that’s getting in the way of my life. Achieving and enhancing confidence does NOT mean that I am done with this journey. I am NOT done! I still want to do better and grow even more, and I WILL!

So let me take you back to January 2019 and take you on this ride with me…

January 2019 to February 2019– I took a photo EVERY SINGLE DAY and I wrote a caption about myself (a positive one). With every single day, I would dress to impress myself however I was feeling. If I wanted to wear a hoodie and no makeup that day, I would do that. If I wanted to dress up and put on simple/heavy makeup, I would do that FOR ME.
Here are some of the captions that I wrote:

“Hoodie or classy dress, I always rock the hell out of it ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“I am a combination of beauty, brain and power. ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“Today I choose to purge myself out of a toxic mindset, because I am worthy of self-love and kindness.”
“They call me pretty, but theyโ€™re wrong. I am stunning๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ‘‘”
“Another day of embracing my natural beauty~ โ™ฅ๐Ÿ–ค”
“To celebrate Valentineโ€™s day, I choose to spoil myself with makeup and so much self-love โ™ฅ”
“I dress to impress ME ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”

The other thing that I was doing on a daily basis till I BELIEVED that I am confident, is writing affirmations every day or every night. We all have qualities and just because others don’t see that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It is important to remind yourself of your good qualities rather than just focusing on the flaws. Here is a list of some affirmations: [Get a JOURNAL]

  • Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better.
  • I am unbreakable and invincible
  • I am my own backbone
  • I am strong and independent
  • I am a dreamer
  • I am energetic
  • I am resilient
  • I am loyal to the bone
  • I am an action taker
  • I am goal-oriented
  • I am full of love, light and life
  • I am unique in my own way

February 2019 till this day – I made it a PRIORITY to take some time for MYSELF at least ONCE a week to do one or more of the following:

  • Learning to enjoy my own company – taking myself out for coffee, having a movie night with a cup of hot chocolate, etc…
  • Review what my goals are and where I’m at – What to do next? How can I improve? What do I really want?
  • Reward myself – After a long week at uni or simply just doing some work, I always reward myself. You can do that by purchasing something for yourself, getting your nails done or a haircut, treating yourself a nice meal or snack, at home spa day, etc…

March 2019 till this day- Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs & Accepting/Working on My Flaws

  • We all have self-sabotaging thoughts and sometimes when we keep reaffirming them, we start to believe them. Personally I had a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about my personality, my body, my ability to do certain things or be who I want to be, my intelligence and many more… So what I did is that EVERYTIME I would have a self-limiting thought, I’d tell myself “CANCEL!!” I command myself to CANCEL that thought completely and remind myself of at least one good quality about myself.
  • As for my flaws, I recognised that I am only human who has flaws like anyone else, and that rather than put myself down because of that I could actually do something about it. I could try to change those flaws and be a better person without feeling the need to be ‘PERFECT.’ Perfectionism does NOT exist. So quit the need to be perfect. Hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE, DO NOT be self-destructive.
  • Started to accept me the way I am (what I can’t change) – I have limited control over my body as I have PCOS. I wrote a blog on how to do that, read HERE.
  • No makeup days to get used to how I look without makeup – I use makeup now 2-3 times MAX per week and not heavily unless I am really feeling it

April 2019 – May 2019: I put myself out there

As a university student seeking after a successful career life in future, I wanted to expand my knowledge and really immerse myself in work life. So I decided to look for an internship in the field that I am interested in. I am someone who has a huge fear of interviews and getting rejected, but I realised that REJECTION and FAILURE are a part of life. We will ALL get rejected by someone or from a job, but I knew that by putting myself out there and challenging my fear over and over again is the only way I would get what I wanted to get. I worked hard and said that I would do my best and really put myself out there, because by letting fear win, I lose. If you never try, you will never know. I had DETERMINATION so I got what I wanted!

May 2019 – Trying new things/Learning something new

  • I got a fringe
  • I dyed my hair RED
  • I tried new outfits and styles
  • I joined a program called ‘Fastlaners’ with Uprising UK about interviews, CV’s, etc… and I got to meet recruiters and understand the recruitment world better to get there in future.

June 2019 – IDGAF Attitude/Eliminating Toxicity

  • Distanced myself from people who wouldn’t accept me for who I am
  • Ended friendships with toxic people who didn’t serve me or my life in any way
  • Unfollowing/blocking people on social media who are fake or made me feel insecure in any way. You can also choose “See Fewer Posts Like These” on Instagram explore page.
  • Stood my ground and chose to only care about the one opinion that matters- MINE- This is who I am spending 70+ years of my life with
  • Realised that I don’t NEED anyone – You shouldn’t NEED anyone to be happy, be happy then be even happier with other people. They are the icing of the cake. So take responsibility for YOUR happiness, it is NOT anyone else’s job.
  • Reminded myself over and over again that only the REAL ones who genuinely care about me are the ones who will love and accept me who I am regardless of our differences, and not make lame ass excuses to walk away or be judgemental (apparently everyone is a critic these days).

July 2019September 2019 What are my values?

This is when I started to read more about the world in general, the environment, the things we eat, etc… Only in recognising my values, setting standards and standing true to that, did I feel more confident and proud of myself. Not forcing my beliefs on anyone, I am only sharing what I have been doing as an EXAMPLE – I was a vegetarian from July to August and then turned vegan in September. Read more here about my vegan journey and guide to veganism. And that is when I started to develop a healthier lifestyle.

October 2019 – Chose to be AUTHENTIC and REAL

I took off my hijab (headscarf) back in October – and no hijab is NOT oppression, I love it and I deeply respect ANYONE who wears it. I didn’t want to wear it for a while and I felt that I would be fake or being someone that I am not just for the sake of others happiness or to simply be accepted. That is NOT who I am and I chose to stand by me. I wrote an entire blog about taking my hijab off when I did. Read HERE

September 2019 till this day – Goal and Dreams Focus

Focusing on what really matters to me with my career life, my health, my impact on others and my studies. This is my purpose at the moment and that is what I am focusing on. I can’t deal with anymore fuckery or shit, I just want to get my life together and remain happy without dealing with emotional vampires and all that shit. All I want is a stable, happy life and a long ass break from any hurts or disappointments. So I am currently focusing on my studies and balancing my university life with my social life.

I hope this blogs helps in any way, but this is MY journey so it might not help anyone. I did write an entire blog before about enhancing confidence (specifically 20 tips which you can read HERE)

Virginity & Sexuality – End the Taboo

Please note that this blog contains adult content, language and images – This blog might be unsuitable for anyone under the age of 18

I am writing this blog today as it’s such a taboo topic and it’s important to start a conversation about this for better education and learning to respect others boundaries as I always discuss with my friends. So lets start by explaining what ‘Virginity’ and ‘Sexuality’ really mean.

Virginity

Virginity means an individual who has never been involved in sexual acts with anyone, especially women (thank you society). In a lot of parts of the world, a woman’s virginity is her sole identity, specifically in the ARAB world. I am aware that this exists in other cultures but I DON’T have the right to talk about cultures that I don’t come from. I am also aware that a lot of people who are probably wondering the purpose of this blog and why it even matters what someone’s virginity is. Well, the point of this blog is that IT DOESN’T matter what someone’s virginity is.

Obviously, in religion, premarital sex is prohibited for both MEN and WOMEN, NOT just women. And I am not here to promote premarital sex or encourage anyone to do anything. You have the free will to be/not be sexually active. It just really bothers me how a woman’s (SOMETIMES even a man) virginity is an identification of how ‘pure’ or ‘innocent’ or ‘decent’ of a woman she is.

More times than none I hear people discussing other women’s virginity or even have the AUDACITY to ASK a woman/man whether or not they’re virgins (mostly women are asked that but I don’t want to exclude men from this conversation). I always wonder how that piece of information will matter or add value to ANYONE’S life. Virgin or not, I think that people are more than just their vagina. I think that decency is about how you as a person act, treat others and how you really impact people’s lives. A man can go on a dickathon and no one will say shit, but if a woman goes on a pussathon she’s immediately judged as a whore, impure and unworthy.

In a lot of cultures, ‘virginity’ is literally an IDENTITY – a woman’s worth, ability to find a husband (who wants a ‘pure, decent’ woman only) and her reputation/ her family’s reputation. This kind of pressure leads to mental and physical illnesses, as well as suicide attempts. A woman/man’s virginity is something that’s between them and GOD, if you believe in God, this is exactly why we have judgement DAY not judgement LIFE by society. So unless this woman is actually harming you or anyone else, leave them BE.

It’s time we ALL (regardless of gender/non-binary) STOP accepting comments and questions about our virginity. I think this a very personal, private and intimate question. A lot of us stay quiet or even ANSWER to other people as if we OWE anyone that piece of information. The only two situations where ‘virginity’ can be discussed is the following:

  • Conversation with YOUR gynaecologist
  • Telling your partner that you’re saving yourself for marriage, so sexual intercourse is NOT on the table

A real friend or lover understands that you’re more than just a vagina/dick. If you feel ‘judged’ by your partner or friend when sharing your experience, then maybe you should give them your back by walking away. You don’t OWE anyone that piece of information. Unless YOU choose to share a sexual experience with a friend like any two close friends, but that is a conversation that is ONLY initiated by YOU.

Making the DECISION to share yourself with someone is a PERSONAL decision and one that’s between you, God and your significant other. NEVER ask or accept to be asked whether or not someone is a virgin. I get that sometimes people wonder if their partner has been sexually active in the past to know whether or not they can get intimate with them. In a situation like this what you can ask is THIS:

  • Hey, are you open to doing this?
  • Are you comfortable doing this?
  • Can I do ‘this?’
  • Are you a virgin? – FUCK TO THE NO. DON’T ask this

The last thing that I want to discuss about virginity, is how people define that based on whether or not a woman bleeds. Again, in a lot of cultures and shit people try to find out if you’re a virgin depending on whether you bleed during your first time, which ends a lot of marriages (unfortunately) and ‘honour’ killings – there is NO honour in killing you dumb fuck. Sex education is a topic that should circulate around the world as much as gossip does. So lets get to education, shall we?

  • Hymen MYTH– Hymen is a thin piece of tissue that extends across the opening of the vagina. This is a myth that suggests that when a woman loses her virginity, her hymen breaks. Apparently a) A hymen can be broken in many ways, not just by penis penetration. It can be broken while engaging in physical activity, such as sport. b) Some women are born without a hymen, which is why not all women bleed during their first time.
  • The Virginity Fraud [Myth is NOT proof]- As the ‘hymen’ is just a myth, it is not confirmed whether or not it’s true. Watch this TEDX video and read this.

Long story short, some women bleed and some women DON’T. Get over it. And it’s really none of your business whether or not someone’s a virgin.

SEXUALITY

This section applies to everyone from different sexual orientations – Don’t feel excluded ๐Ÿ™‚

Another taboo topic that people don’t discuss to the point that a lot of people find themselves in situations where they’re not fully ‘yes,’ but they do it anyway to please or satisfy their partner. Here are common questions that I hear and I will answer them now:

  1. “I’m not enjoying sex with my partner, but I love him/her. What do I do?”
    My answer is always this – Explore. Try different things at the comfort of both of you and see what you both enjoy. Everyone has a different preference and you can never know until you try. Also, if you’re sharing your body with someone then you’re already vulnerable, so why not communicate your thoughts in a respectful way? Communication can be verbal or non-verbal – Verbal: “I love the way you do XYZ, if you do it like this too that would be amazing!” Non-verbal: Take control ๐Ÿ˜‰
  2. “I’m not ready to have sex, but I don’t want to lose the relationship. What do I do?”
    If you’re not ready to explain the reason why you’re not ready, it’s okay. Just ask your partner to wait a little and say that you need some time before you share yourself with them and you only want to do that when you’re both in this. If your significant other respects you, they will be patient and understanding. If not, then you might want to re-evaluate the person you’re currently seeing.
  3. “I am NOT confident with my sexuality. How do I tell my partner?”
    Before telling your partner, you might want to sit down with yourself and ask yourself why you don’t feel confident with your sexuality. You have to understand yourself first before explaining that to others. After that, when you’re ready, share that insecurity with your partner and tell them what you feel comfortable doing and what you don’t. Learn how to communicate as it’s one of the most important aspect of any relationship. I said this many times, the foundations of any relationship are as follows – Respect, Communication, Trust and Affection
  4. “What if I do something wrong and it puts them off?”
    You only learn by making ‘mistakes.’ We’re human beings and mistakes HAPPEN, and that’s OKAY. Don’t be too hard on yourself and understand that all of us have at least one bad experience.

Consent!!!!!

People always say that ‘consent’ is complicated when it really isn’t. If you’re sexually active with someone, then always ASK before doing anything. Just because you’re seeing someone it doesn’t mean either of you OWN each other’s body. Harassment and rape also exist within relationships and marriages. Besides, you never know what anyone has been through in the past that makes them queasy or uncomfortable. So always ask before doing anything, and the possible responses are:

Yes– Yay. Go for it!

No– Leave it be.

No response – LEAVE IT BE. How many stories have you heard about women/men who get raped and the rapist says “She/he didn’t say no.” Well, they didn’t say ‘yes’ either. Why do people always take a no response as a yes rather than a no? In situations like these, a lot of people freeze, feel shy or get nervous.

Thanks for reading! ๐Ÿ™‚

You’re Hurting – What To Do?

If you’re struggling right now, I feel for you. You might have been rejected, hurt, lost someone or have any other issues. Let me tell you something…

Yes, things DO hurt sometimes.. It can seem very very dark sometimes.. I get that more than anyone. I know the last thing we want to hear sometimes is the whole ‘light at the end of a tunnel’ quotes, and I will NOT do that.

But what I will tell you is this:

1- It hurts NOW and it might feel like FOREVER, but that doesn’t mean it is.
2- If someone left you, know that they didn’t love you enough. If they did, they would fight the circumstances over and over again and do their VERY best to stay with you. There is something that we can all always do because WE are the ones in CONTROL. Truth is, it’s THEIR loss NOT yours. You will hurt for now and you have every right to, just please, HOLD ON.
3- If things seem dark now, let yourself feel that moment to heal. Feel to heal. It’s okay to not be okay, just don’t wrong, mistreat or push others away because it is NOT their fault. Let people in ๐Ÿ™‚ You never lose by letting others help you.
4- If you fucked up, stop looking at all the impossibilities and look at what you can really do to make it up. Remember that people wake up with different feelings every day, you never know if you never try.
5- DO NOT push yourself too much – If you need stay in, sleep a little, disconnect from social media, do that for A DAY. If you let yourself sink in that hole, you will lose. Be strong, you can do this. I swear you can!
6- If you’re feeling insecure or self-conscious – Go ahead and read this blog
7- If you need a little sunshine – Read this SHORT blog

Remind Yourself of The Following:

  • You are worthy more than you think
  • You are beautiful and you deserve people to see that
  • You are loving and people will love you the way you love yourself
  • You are strong so keep fighting
  • You have a precious soul, let people wipe away your tears
  • You are cunning
  • You are brave
  • You are smart
  • You are IN CONTROL of YOUR life
  • You are sweet
  • You are tenacious
  • You are amazing in so many ways
  • You’re caring, and that’s not a flaw by the way

Everything will be okay… Things get better when you’re not looking.. LET PEOPLE IN and RECEIVE their love and kindness <3

Body Dysmorphic Disorder: How I Deal With It?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is an anxiety disorder that affects one’s perception with their self that they become preoccupied or obsessed with a physical imperfection that some studies have shown that BDD is linked someway with OCD. , such as: nose, skin, hair, lips, body size, body weight, body shape, muscle size, body hair and many more. The imperfection becomes more exaggerated in that person’s eyes that it affects their overall mental and physical wellbeing. This is a mental health condition that I have been diagnosed with earlier this year, which I am still battling with, even though I have came a long way. From what I know, BDD does NOT really go away, which is exactly why I am writing this blog. On that note, this blog can be relevant to anyone with any body image struggles or if you know someone struggling.

Please note that I am NOT a mental health professional – The information in this blog is based on MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, conversations with a mental health professional and through online research.

Living with body dysmorphia can be really fucking hard, however, BDD is different with everyone and we’re all at a different level with it. It can happen to anyone regardless of how thin, big their body is or how their skin tone and features look like. I still think it’s important though to share the symptoms in case you want to look into this with your doctor: (Copy pasting these symptoms)

  • Frequent examination of appearance in the mirror
  • Constantly comparing their appearance with other people
  • Seeking dermatological treatment or cosmetic surgery
  • Avoiding social events and photos
  • Seeking verbal reassurance
  • Excessive grooming
  • Restricted eating
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Compulsive

Personally, I struggle with BDD when it comes to my body size and under eyes dark circles. I have been focusing a little less on these, but I still notice them almost every other day. It’s just that there are days where it phases me and days where it doesn’t AT ALL, which I will discuss in a bit. Anyone else with BDD who sees themselves even bigger than they are and feel ‘big’ will understand what this is like and how sometimes you can look in one mirror than the other and feel like you look different (bigger or smaller). On that note, ANYONE can have BDD by the way, regardless of their size or weight.

Up until earlier this year (lets say April 2019), I used to literally CRY because of how uncomfortable I felt in my own body. The thoughts about my body size became so obsessive that I struggled a lot every morning when I had to choose an outfit to get dressed for university. There were DAYS where I was 15 minutes late to class, or even missed it because of how ‘ugly’ I felt and I couldn’t stand the idea of looking at myself and even when I didn’t look at myself and lost some weight, I still felt HUGE. (By the way, I am not saying anyone bigger in size is ugly. I am explaining how I saw myself and my body image struggles). And it wasn’t just one part of me that I thought looked huge, I saw and sometimes still see every part of me BIG or as people like to name it ‘fat.’

Having PCOS made it even worse, because to me that was the most logical and evident reason that my body is changing beyond my control, we do as PCOS women have SOME control over that but not always and it’s different with every woman. I hated going shopping because I felt that whatever I tried on won’t look good on me as it would look if I was smaller in size. That also made me wonder if everyone around me saw me that way. Obviously, there are bullies everywhere and somehow everyone’s a critic these days, thinking they’re entitled to make comments about others body and weight. So trust me when I say that I know how fucking hard it is to love and accept your body. And I know wishing and wanting to stop feeling this way but you just CAN’T!
Even when I lost weight I still looked at myself as โ€œfatโ€ and โ€œugly,โ€ and when I would look back to photos where I looked smaller, I would wonder to myself how did I think that I was fat at that time?

I get the desperation to look a certain way and being so tired of being in your body. And so I started purchasing the shit โ€œSkinny Coffeeโ€ and BooTea that promise weight loss within 14 days. I hated how I looked so much and even though I knew that shit is unhealthy, I still got them. Yes, you can lose weight drinking Fit Tea and all that stuff, but a) it flushes out a lot of your essential body minerals b) the side effects SUCK. I had awful stomach pain and it made me go to the toilet MANY times on daily basis. I felt sick drinking that stuff and consuming weight loss pills.

It has NOT been proven by science that it really works in a healthy way, and if it does help, doctors wouldnโ€™t bother forming a diet plan and exercise plan for patients that need/want to lose weight.
Also most of the time that stuff contains laxatives to work, which is very unhealthy. Side effects like constipation, diarrhea and increased stomach pain. Most of the time these drugs donโ€™t include ALL ingredients of these pills and they arenโ€™t approved by the FDA. They do it to attract insecure people just so they can profit from our insecurities.

A lot of these weight loss/detox pills have been banned because of how dangerous they can be. Please, unless it is prescribed to a specific person by a professional doctor, donโ€™t share that stuff. It does more harm than good.

The sad reality though is that no matter what anyone tells you, they can never be more mean to you than YOU. BUT, there is a way.. I promise you… Just keep reading…

Even males struggle with BDD by the way, so let’s not exclude their struggles. A lot of guys take hormone supplements, change their diets and hit the gym more than a lot of women just to look ‘masculine’ AKA ‘muscular.’ And it’s sad that people feel the need to look ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine,’ because really, we live in a world where you can literally change your gender, there is no such thing as not feminine or masculine enough.

How To Deal With BDD?
(NOTE: Consistency is key. These won’t work OVERNIGHT, but you start seeing an improvement)

  1. Find The Source: How did your body image struggle begin? There is always a source to every problem and that’s how we find a solution. The source isn’t just comments from shitty friends, toxic family members, disgusting peers at work, fugly classmates at school and fucking shitty-smell fungus-dumbass-imbecile-simple minded piece of shit of a TITless/dickless gf/bf, it can also be from the environment you are/were at. If you’re surrounded by people constantly talking about cosmetic procedures and diet plans, then this obviously plants the seeds in your subconscious mind that you become hyperaware of this; or social media. If that’s the case then head to number two. If the source is from someone who planted their own beliefs into your by making comments or implying shit or making ‘jokes’ out of it because haha it’s so funny to make people feel insecure, right? Oh no? Then why are you flapping your lips and making others feel uncomfortable really? Yeah, walk the fuck away hun.

    Sorry, I went on a tangent there... so if the source is a result of others comments then a) Tell that person how that makes you feel and if they don’t stop, drop them at the nearest train station. b) Keep giving yourself that wake up call like “Hey… these aren’t MY thoughts, that’s what people have been saying and really when I look at others, I don’t think that about them so why am I letting others beliefs dictate how I feel about myself?” And with that, you start to change your internal dialogue.
  2. Setting Boundaries- When I say setting boundaries, I’m not just talking about calling people out when they bully you. I am talking about the conversations that take place every single time with almost every person – After eating, people make jokes about how it’s time to burn those calories by going for a walk or start dieting the next day. Even in normal conversations people talk about the gym and sometimes they even ask you how often do you exercise. I get how these examples seem silly, but they can be very triggering to us and makes us uncomfortable sometimes. So it’s time to set boundaries by telling people how that TOPIC (not the person) makes you uncomfortable or insecure. Say it in a calm tone and just ask them to respect that boundary even if they don’t get it. It’s something that’s making YOU uncomfortable. Speak up.

    Another thing about setting boundaries is changing or limiting that environment of people who constantly talk about celebrities bodies, idk who got lip injections and all these diet plans that make you feel obligated to do the same. Seriously though, your wellbeing comes first and everyone has different boundaries. If social media is making you feel self-conscious as well a) Unfollow pages of #bodygoals or any posts that make you not so confident about your body, and choose the option ‘See Fewer Posts Like These’ b) Follow diverse accounts – People of different colour, shape, skin, height, hair, etc… There is NO one size fits all, everyone is uniquely different and beautiful and you have to see that diversity rather than ONE category of people.

    Here are some accounts to follow:
    – Mary’s Cup of Tea
    Neva
    Sydney Grace
    Sheila
  • Take The Damn Compliment (TTDC): You know, there are times where I don’t really feel it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. Sometimes I think that they’re just saying that or if they know that I struggled with my self-image I think they’re saying that to make me feel better somehow. Let me tell you something, no one is obligated to say anything. No one has to give you a compliment and no one is holding a gun to their head. So even if you’re not feeling your best, just take the damn compliment. Sometimes we have a poorer vision of ourselves than how others see us. We don’t always notice the things in others that we usually tell ourselves “oh look at what they will think about my skin today…”
  • Take Your Own Advice- Something that pisses me off sometimes is how people smaller than me talk about how they want to lose weight but then they tell me “I’m talking about me not you. “You know that’s like saying that yellow tops are ugly just yours isn’t. It doesn’t make any sense and I get where they are coming from because I did it too. I think it’s time we take the advice we give everyone else when they nit pick on their face, hair, skin or body. We are soooo good at being kinder to other people than ourselves, maybe it’s time we ask ourselves every single time what we would say to a friend who feels the same way about themselves. I tell myself EVERY TIME “well girl, if you’re feeling that way, how are other women and men bigger in size supposed to feel? Isn’t that offensive to them?”
See the source image
Copy pasted this – not my screenshot
  • Be Honest with Yourself- After you have identified the source of your self-image struggles, really ask yourself “Why am I trying to change myself?” Is it because you feel the NEED to look like the majority? Are you even being realistic with your goals? Do you really have a physical HEALTH concern or are you so caught up in this fat phobic society we live in? What will bigger lips or a smaller nose really give you? Because confidence isn’t about looking a certain way, confidence is LOVING how you look and choosing to enhance your beauty a little bit more if you WANT to, not because you feel the NEED TO. If you’re doing it for other people (bf/gf, social media, to fit in, etc…) you might want to go ahead and read THIS blog.
  • Changing Habits: Something that I used to do for YEARS and sometimes I do it unconsciously, is cover my legs with either my blanket or by placing my bag on my lap. I even did it when I was alone at home because of how hyperaware this idea has become to me. So now I put my bag down or remove the blanket if it’s not cold and even wear dresses that are knee-length. There is NO rush here… No one is standing in front of you with a stop watch waiting for you to get over this. You slowly start implementing changes, but you gotta start somewhere because there is no ‘right time’ to start.
    – Stop using filters to look pretty, they are actually ruining your self-image.
    – Have no make up days, having acne or imperfect skin is NORMAL.
    – Try NOT to conceal the parts of you that make you self-conscious but take it slowly and at your own pace.
See the source image
  • Focus on Health: Health is both physical and mental, so when I say health I mean make sure you’re getting 7-8 hours (at least) of sleep every night, drinking up to 2 litres of water per day, eating foods that you enjoy that also nourish your body and doing activities that you enjoy so you can stay committed. Make sure you also reduce stress as much as you possibly can or if you have anxiety, depression, or any other struggles, do take the time to focus on that to start healing and growing.
  • Focus on Self-Love: Now this aligns with #7 as self-love really does affect your mental health and confidence. I have written two blogs that might help you a) How To Start Loving Your Body? and b) Tips on Enhancing Confidence
    And please, for the love of hummus and French fries, do this for YOU. Your self-image will affect you for the rest of your life and no one else. People can tell you that you look dashing or terrible, but in the end the only perception that matters is the person you see when you look in the mirror. I understand of course the thoughts of no one is going to love you and that you might seem unattractive to others, I fucking get it. But you also have to remember that our bodies are forever changing. Do you really wanna be with people who will stop loving you when you get wrinkles and grow grey hair? Fuck ’em. I’d rather be with someone who loves me as a whole. Someone who knows that Iโ€™m not just a body.
  • Form A Positive Relationship With Your BODY: Seriously though, talk to your body. Get a notebook and start to make peace with yourself by apologising to your body for all the hurtful things you have said to it and really thank it for the experiences it has given you! That is such a crucial step to healing, TRUST ME.
  • Accept HELP: If you have a history of eating disorders, poor mental health or anything like that, please start accepting the help around you that’s available. We ONLY help ourselves by being honest with ourselves and accepting to make use of any resources available. Lean on people who are worth leaning on.

Remember, you are FUCKING fabulous and a badass queen/king because you have been made uniquely perfect and different. There is SO much power in being different and OWNING that difference!

Enjoying Your Own Company

I think self-love is one of the most difficult things to achieve. It is so easy to love anyone else and share all the kindness in your heart, but it is SO hard to feel that same way towards yourself. Not only because it takes a lot of altering to your internal dialogue, but also because of this idea that we have been told that loving ourselves is ‘narcissistic’ somehow… There is a huge difference between recognising your values and your strengths and admiring those aspects of you, and being a self-obsessed asshole sitting on their high horse and treating everyone else like they’re beneath them. And it’s like, ummmโ€ฆ? Miss/Sir? No one has wanted to say ‘hi’ to you since 1974, so get off your high horse and give it a rest already.

I’ll get to the tips right away without dragging this further…

Here are some tips on enjoying your own company:

  1. Take yourself out ALONE – There is nothing ‘weird’ about spending time alone outside, because you’ll be spending hell of a long time with yourself for 80+ years (hopefully) no matter who you end up with. Try maybe taking yourself out for coffee and take your laptop with you to do some work or study. Get a French coffee from Tim Horton’s and a donut, and sit there with your laptop doing some work. Try doing this once a week or every other week.

2. To-do list of movies to watch/books to read ALONE- If you decide to stay in or you’re just be as lazy as I can be sometimes, then you might want to watch a good movie or a tv series with some popcorn or a tub of ice cream, whatever it is that you enjoy. If you prefer reading then get books that you would enjoy depending on the genre that you prefer.


Here are some of the great movies you could watch:
– Get Out
– The Split
– Shutter Island
– Inception
– The Wolf of Wall Street [Don’t ever watch it with family or anyone under 18 please. A lot of nudity and sexual scenes]
– The Lovely Bones [Saiorse Ronan is amazing]
– Hush
– I Am Legend [Old but gold. Will Smith RULES]
– The Pursuit of Happiness [Another old but gold Will Smith movie]
– I Feel Pretty
– Bird Box [Sandra Bullock’s movies are the BEST]
– The Blind Side [Sandra Bullock]
– Premonition [Sandra Bullock]
– The Help [Emma Stone]
– Crazy Rich Asians
– Confessions of A Killer [The Ted Bundy movie]

Series:
– When They See Us [4 episodes only and based on a true story]
– The OA
– Black Mirror [AMAZEBALLS. Sci-Fi and every episode is a different story with different characters. Best episodes are: Shut Up and Dance, PlayTest, Hang The DJ, NoseDive, White Bear and Black Museum]
– The Good Place
– One Day At A Time
– Breaking Bad
– How I Met Your Mother
– Grey’s Anatomy
– Stranger Things
– Jane The Virgin
– Anime: Death Note <3

3. Create An Atmosphere – Give your room a different vibe that’s uplifting. I got myself fake red roses to put on my desk and a vanilla scented spray for my room. Give it a more positive vibe that YOU enjoy!

4. Gratitude Hour – Give yourself an hour each day to journal everything you’re grateful for. It can be something as small as ‘Got a phone call from an old friend’ or ‘Sunny day!’ Keep a gratitude journal and write a list of things or even a paragraph of what you’re grateful for.

5. Set daily micro-goals – I can be forgetful sometimes especially that as a university student living alone, you got a lot to do on your own. Sometimes I write on some post-it notes stuff that I want to do today, such as:
– Buy groceries
– Read article
– Call my friend
– Tidy desk
– Gratitude journal
Keeping a micro goal list and checking things off your list gives you a sense of ‘accomplishment,’ obviously not the same accomplishment as winning the fucking Oscar award, but at the end of the day you see that you have been productive on your own all day and completed everything you wanted to.

6- Reward YOURSELF – After a rough, long week or any big/small achievement, you reward yourself. Do something you don’t usually do alone. If you don’t usually add bath bombs to your bath, time to get a bath bomb and some bubbles in there. Maybe even reward yourself by going out with a friend. Just treat yourself the way you would treat other people to start developing a friendship with YOURSELF.

7- Listen to podcasts of topics that interest you – Whether you like sports, self-empowering podcasts, etc… look for podcasts that interest you and save them to listen to them when you’re alone.

8- Learn something new – This kind of falls under listening to a podcast or reading a book. One way to keep yourself busy and enjoy your own company, is to learn something new. That can be cooking, a new hobby, a sport or even education. Since last year, I have been interested in learning more about the ‘law of attraction’ (not that kind of attraction, get your head out of the gutter) which is basically a concept that suggests how our recurrent thoughts and beliefs manifest and impact our reality (it’s quantum physics basically and psychology). I watched a documentary called ‘The Secret’ to understand it more and watched videos about it to understand it more. It was such an eye opening concept to understand and read more about.

9- Write a letter to yourself – Sometimes we all need some reassurance and the best person to understand you is YOU. I wrote a letter to myself last year that I look back to when I’m not feeling my best or when I have days where I feel self-conscious. You could write a letter to your younger self and give that person the advice and reassurance you wish you received back then. This is another way you become your own best friend and start to develop a bond.

10- OWN something that broke you in the past!
As I mentioned in one of my blogs before, I was in a toxic relationship where I was constantly body shamed. Recently I found a dress that I once wore when I was with him and I remember how he made a joke about how I don’t get cold during winter because he said that I’m “fat.” Wanna know what I did when I found that dress? I wore it with PRIDE and loved how my body looked in it ๐Ÿ™‚ I changed my story and chose to be in control, NOT HIM. NOT ANYMORE. See photos below

NONE of these photos have any filter or edits. You know why? Because those fake filters are one of the big reasons why weโ€™re self-conscious. I like to use them sometimes but not because I want to look โ€œperfect.โ€ I am NOT skinny and I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ll ever be. And I know that a lot of guys wonโ€™t find that attractive and women (the ones that truly disgust me) who have no respect whatsoever will make comments about my body, but I donโ€™t give two fucks anymore. I donโ€™t label myself as fat, average or thin. I label myself as beautiful and courageous. Also I donโ€™t wear foundation so can we please talk about my skin? ๐Ÿ˜

The best inspiration I ever found was when I owned my heartbreaks and pain. Find your inspiration within yourself and watch how fucking invincible you will be.

How To Start Loving Your Body?

Please ignore the mess behind me, alright?

Loving our bodies is one of the most difficult things to do especially when we’re bombarded with all those fake social media photos, people who have cosmetic procedures done, toxic family members and emotional vampires (bf/gf or shit friends). Now I’m not judging anyone who has a cosmetic procedure done, it’s your body and your choice. I’m talking about the fact that a lot of us have unrealistic expectations is because our bodies aren’t built a certain way and we tend to look for those qualities in others. Today I am writing this blog to guide you and help you to start accepting AND loving your body.

As someone suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) I understand how difficult it is to love your body and not let it get to you. I have had mornings where I woke up refusing to get out of bed because I felt like shit about myself. I had days last year where I felt so down that I would cancel an outing or not go to the university lecture. Whenever I was invited to an outing or an event, my first thought would be “oh fuck.. what can I wear to hide the bigger parts of my body?” or “I won’t be able to wear that dress/skirt because of how ‘big’ I will look.” The thing is about body dysmorphia (will write a blog about it and how I deal with it) is that a) You obsess over every ”flaw” in your face/hair/body and b) You see those ”flaws” 3x worse. So I could literally lose 10 kg and barely see any difference, even when others tell me shit like “you look smaller yay congrats!” That’s how fucked up BDD can be. So when I tell you I get how painful it can be to even look at yourself in the mirror, I fucking mean it.

Until earlier this year, I struggled a lot with loving myself and my body to the point that I saw a therapist for 3-4 months. That is when I was diagnosed with BDD, social anxiety and anxiety. #NOSHAME Mental illness is very much real, but that is a whole other topic. I know what it’s like to be the meanest person TO YOURSELF to the point that you make yourself cry because you think you’re “unattractive.” I know what it’s like to just want to get out of your body or wake up in a different body because you hate it sooo much. I know what it is like to be angry at yourself for the body your in, especially that I have PCOS [Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome] so my weight is constantly changing no matter what.

So it REALLY SUCKED that I felt like I am not in control of my body and I barely opened up to anyone about my struggles. Now I understand that it might seem inappropriate for an average sized person to talk about weight struggles and body image problems as I’m aware there are people out there with actual obesity issues. So let me clarify this by saying that I CANNOT and will NOT speak for anyone with actual, real obesity problems. I am sharing my journey and how I deal with it. Lack of confidence can come in all shapes and sizes, and really a bully can body shame you regardless of how much you weight. I lost a good amount of weight this year and someone literally told me “But your boobs look smaller now..ugh” none of your business. My boobs are fantastic ๐Ÿ˜›

Iโ€™ll still celebrate my body and love it in every outfit.
#NoShame #FuckSociety

So, How Did You Start Loving Your Body?

  1. Finding The Source – I say this a lot and I will say it again, we aren’t born with these insecurities, we are TOLD to be and feel insecure about certain parts of ourselves. So really, how did you develop that body image problem if you weren’t born with it? In order to solve ANY problem you HAVE TO go back to the source and find out what caused it in the first place. I didn’t discover this in one sitting obviously, so I kept self-assessing myself and asking myself by going back and trying to remember how it started. It started when I passed puberty and my body was changing quickly and I was around people smaller than me who talked about wanting to lose weight and sharing their diet plans. I promise you that when you find the source, you WILL call yourself out every time you get a bad body image thought. This is what I tell myself “hey, these aren’t YOUR thoughts. That is what you have been hearing.” You gotta call yourself out and remind yourself that you’re telling yourself what others are saying. I came to realise that the source is always one or more of the following:
    – Social media
    – Fake, photoshopped magazines
    – Friends AKA Shitty Emotional Vampires
    – Toxic family members
    – Society
    – Shitty Ex/Current BF/GF
  2. Let It All Out – Most of the time, we as human beings tend to hold back and tell ourselves to just get over it and that it will pass. What really happens is that you push those thoughts aside and then they come back later and hit you hard. What I discovered was tough but helpful, is to say out loud EVERYTHING I hated about my body until I don’t have anything else left to say. I say it all out loud until my mind is clear of those thoughts. I know you’re probably thinking “well wtf? I’ll just make myself feel like shit.” Well maybe in that moment, yes, but that is PART of the self-love process. You can’t get better until it’s all out. Let it all out, then move to the NEXT step. DON’T STOP AND QUIT HERE. You can do this with someone you trust and feel like you can be vulnerable with, or you can do it alone.
  3. Acceptance – Like I said earlier, sometimes we set ourselves UNREALISTIC expectations regarding our bodies. We were all built genetically a certain way, fat is distributed differently in every person’s body and we all have a different metabolic rate. Create a CAN DO and NOT IN MY CONTROL list. What can you actually change? Be more active? Reduce stress levels? And what is out of your control? Bone structure? Start to really understand the nature of your body more and love what’s not in your control because that is the ONLY body you will ever get. You can either spend the rest of your life hating it or celebrating your body for what it is. I was watching a live video recently of a social media influencer @MarysCupOfTea who said that your body is NOT an image, it’s an experience. The word ‘image’ started after social media and cameras became a big thing. DON’T let your body ‘image’ get in the way of your ‘experience.’
  4. Words of Expression – I have noticed that more times than none, we tend to use the wrong words of expression like “I feel fat” or “I feel too skinny.” ‘Fat’ and ‘Skinny’ are NOT FEELINGS. You feel uncomfortable, unsatisfied and hurt. THOSE ARE FEELINGS. Change your internal dialogue and start to use more effective communication with yourself. By understanding the core of your feelings, you know where the work needs to be done.
  5. Find A Healthy Balance – A lot of people think that body acceptance means being lazy and eating unhealthy. Your health is the reason why you are still alive, so I encourage you to start feeling healthy on the inside by finding a balance between body acceptance/self-love and a healthier lifestyle that you enjoy and fulfils you.
  6. Unfollow Anyone Who Makes You Self-conscious – All those fake filtered people on social media should be unfollowed THIS INSTANT. You are NOT helping yourself or your self-image when you’re constantly seeing all those photoshopped pictures on Instagram of people with ‘perfect’ skin and #bodygoals. Anyone who posts their diet plan should be unfollowed too unless they’re a health professional. Why? Things work differently with our bodies and that is exactly why there are over 15 diet plans out there. Surround yourself with diverse body images from skinny to average to fat to obese. I AM NOT PROMOTING OBESITY OR BEING UNDERWEIGHT as they come with a lot of health issues. This is about respecting and loving all body shapes and sizes.
  7. Shift Your Focus – Instead of focusing too much on what you like and don’t like about your face/body/hair/skin, maybe start admiring what you really like about yourself and your body. Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend who tells you they are having a bad body image days.
  8. Quit The Labels – Stop labelling others, but most importantly STOP labelling yourself! Stop labelling yourself as too thin, fat, skinny, obese or average and start labelling yourself as strong, beautiful, loving, compassionate and badass! You are more than JUST a body. You are who you are because of the experiences that have shaped you, because of the past mistakes that have changed you and because of the better person you chose to be. Perfectionism DOES NOT EXIST. BE REALISTIC PLEASE.
  9. Stop Accepting Body Comments – I no longer accept “you lost weight” as a compliment as it just feeds into the idea that being smaller is sexier or prettier somehow. Small, average or big – they’re all beautiful! Lets reduce the focus on our bodies and caring about who lost or gained weight. Your body is a temple and it is YOURS ONLY. Don’t let anyone put you down about your size or shape from now on.
  10. Set YOUR Own Beauty Standards – We are all letting society set beauty standards for us. If you go a few years back being ‘too skinny’ was hot and now women want bigger boobs, thicker thighs and ass. So really who sets those standards? This is JUST a trend, trust me. Even I myself was approached by a skinny girl who said that she wished she had MY body because it’s more of an hourglass shape which is more ‘feminine’ somehow. This is bullshit you guys! We live in a world now where you can LITERALLY change your gender! So really your shape and size DOES NOT define your masculinity or femininity. Trust me, I myself used to say my figure is masculine because of my broad shoulders. Now I look at them and I think ‘Lord I LOOK like a badass fighter!’

I do have bad body image days from time to time which is a HUGE progress for me. I used to think about it almost every minute of every day. No one looks perfect all the time, so I will share some NO MAKEUP days down below ๐Ÿ‘‡๐Ÿป

To the ladies, it is NORMAL for us women to breakout and get acne especially during our periods. Our hormones are constantly changing and as you can see, my skin isn’t always perfect. And that is OKAY. Still beautiful.
Lazy day so I let myself look like a ragamuffin but still comfortable xD
No makeup here as well but I did curl my hair that day
This was just to show off ๐Ÿ˜›