Owning Who You Are – Be YOU

We live in a society that asks you to be yourself, yet everyone judges you. Ironic, right? This blog will talk about how to “just be yourself!” and how to OWN that! Feel free to read it all or just the sections that are relevant to you.

They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you for being “too ambitious,” “unproductive,” “too hot,” “not hot enough,” “too loud,” “too quiet,” “too thin,” “too fat,” “too energetic,” “too boring,” and the list goes on because they won’t shut the fuck up and mind their own business.

Figure Out Who You Are

I talked a lot before about spending time alone to figure out who you are & what you want but I haven’t explained what to do in that alone time. In a time like this, we literally have all the time in the world to study, talk on the phone, blog, read and many more. So don’t even try to use the excuse of not having enough time. The last thing you want to do is be behind the screen all the time where people are posting negative shit and fake news.

Here is an exercise I want you to do (Don’t be lazy):
  1. Get a notebook or a few papers and write down every category of your life. The human experience really falls down to passion, purpose, career, friendships, family, relationship/love, finances, education, confidence, diet, mental health, physical health, etc…
  2. Next to each category give it a rating out of 10
  3. Write a goal to make the rating a little higher (so if it’s 4/10, make the goal to 5/10 or 6/10. Not higher. It’s a step by step process)
  4. Under each category write down what you don’t like about this category (don’t be afraid to write 2 or 800 – there’s no wrong way around this) and then next to each dislike or underneath it, write what you can do turn it around AND what you want instead. For example:

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]

– Write three positive affirmations after you do all the above then cross out all the ‘dislikes.’ Look at the ‘solution(s)’ and the ‘affirmations’ DAILY.

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]
* I don’t think I am intelligent enough
[I will catch that thought and remind myself that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter. And I will read more books about XYZ]
1- I am more than fucking enough
2- I am as intelligent as a German Shepherd
3- I’m the coolest thing since vegan cheese ๐Ÿ˜‰

That’s how you figure out what you dislike and what exactly you want. Doing this exercise you realise the solutions and all the answers that you hold. I know emotional intelligence and mental health are two things that people find difficult to control and this exercise should help you. You can also read my blog about being too emotional – if you find yourself reacting too much or crying easily for instance.

Stop Getting In Your Own Way

This is a tough love section and you need to hear it just like I do.
I’m not dismissing ANYONE’s feelings or circumstances because I know everyone is on a different journey and we all react differently. BUT every single one of us is GUILTY of getting in our own way. Answer this right now, what in the living fuck are you getting out of self-sabotage?? Why won’t you let yourself chill for a MINUTE and take a breather? Why won’t you sit your ass down for an hour and realise that YOU ARE THE ONE SETTING YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS! Yes, you are setting your own limitations when you say you’re not good enough, attractive enough, bla bla bla enough. Some of you even have good things and wonderful people, yet you sabotage by saying “it’s too good to be true. I’m gonna walk away” and then you let yourself back to toxic environments and surround yourself with horse shit, and then you complain that life is hard. Really? You sit on horse shit and complain about shit on your clothes? If you choose to sit on horse shit, get the fuck up, change into cleaner clothes and shower. Don’t complain and jump back in there like ew stop. ‘Horse shit’ is also letting people walk all over you, even if it’s family.

You judge yourself by saying you’re NOT enough even though you REALLY want this particular thing… Like, really? You’re judging it? You don’t get to. If you want a particular thing, stop getting in of your own way. If you have to write down what you CAN control in that situation and implement that, go for it. But if you want to stay in that victim mindset, be my guest and see how that works for you. I can guarantee that till this day it hasn’t worked. You don’t get to complain if you make the DECISION to get in your own way. That shit thought or limiting belief could be knocking on your door all day you don’t have to open that door or even listen. You flip it and you bounce it, you bounce it, you bounce it ALL day if you have to. I can have a doubt or an insecurity 230 times and I still choose to reaffirm 237 times that I’m more than enough. I tell that thought, literally to PISS OFF. If you talk to someone the way you talk to yourself, they would probably dump you right away. Admit it.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

Start implementing changes and STOP voicing an unwanted thought just because you were programmed to believe that. Today, tell that thought ‘Try me’ or ‘Piss off!’ You know what I say every single day? “I’m ALWAYS in control and EVERYTHING is exactly what I say it is.” I’m not anything special, I’m just really fucking dedicated to my own success and you can pick up on that energy any moment. I reached a point where I was DONE giving power to outside opinions or even my own because it’s unproductive. I proclaim my power daily because I refuse to give my power to something so irrelevant to my life. If my body needs to cry, I’ll let it purge, but that won’t interfere with my MIND because my mind is locked on my manifestations.

Wear Your Values with Pride

Values = Ethical values, opinions, standards related to work/people or spiritual beliefs

Here is a personal example:
Since September 2019, I turned vegan for dietary, environmental and ethical reasons. There are a lot of outside perspectives and criticisms from different people and a lot of the things I hear are from cultural perceptions or just stupidity (“How do you get protein?” Watch The Game Changers on Netflix and understand the food chain). Personally I find it VERY insulting when people talk shit about veganism because they don’t pay for my groceries so it’s none of their business. Veganism isn’t harming anyone and everyone has the free will to eat what they want to eat. (Besides all global pandemics came from consuming animal products like bird’s flu and swine flu – vegan for health reasons too). I do believe that I should raise awareness about animal cruelty BUT I DON’T BELIEVE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ATTACK ANYONE.

Even though there is a lot of food in every culture that’s vegan friendly people think they have the right to have an opinion about what I eat that isn’t harming anyone. In my culture, every single meal is served with meat, so I get a lot of ‘jokes’ about that. Do you think I give a fuck? No. Because I believe in my own values and I know why I chose that to begin with. If I don’t agree with something, I either don’t participate or I say something about it. If something is real and important to you, then it is. End of story.

Here is my belief and concept – If I do, say or wear something that isn’t harming anyone or myself, then you don’t get a say in my business. No one has the right to bully you, talk you down, give you ultimatums, manipulate you or patronise you.
My choice of clothing or career is not adding or taking away anything from your life. It’s just very unproductive when people focus on things like that are absolutely irrelevant to their life. You weren’t born to please people and you didn’t sign a contract either. Own and respect your own values first.

Take Your Power Back | Develop MENTAL Resilience

We are conditioned to believe that we’re limited, invaluable and other bullshit. Part of my self-growth journey is that I had to change my internal dialogue by reminding myself every single time “Nope. My body isn’t ugly – that’s my ex talking not me.” I had MAJOR insecurities so I had to catch myself at every thought and replace that thought with something productive, positive or relevant to where I wanted to be with myself. You can call it lying to yourself, but you’re already lying to yourself by saying that you’re unworthy of love or success. Lying to myself worked, and if it felt too much, I would take a break and then I would write down all of my qualities. A quality doesn’t have to be “discovered a new planet” fuck that. Something as small as “made someone smile this week” is good enough. It means I made someone feel 2% better which is a beautiful thing and that’s why I’m beautiful. You see how you can flip and turn a thought into something bigger and so beautiful? If you find it hard to monitor your thoughts, then monitor your feelings. Thoughts create emotions, so if you feel insecure about something, then subconsciously you thought that. Remember, the power lies within you.

Something you HAVE TO understand is that when something happens, you have the opportunity to decide whether it’s good or bad. When I get a text message from someone telling me that I should stop cursing on social media that tells me that I’m doing something right. It shows me that I chose to use my freedom of speech which I’m grateful for to get my point across or to raise awareness. So thank you for the text, it’s a good reminder ๐Ÿ™‚ Something like what’s happening in our world now tells me Earth needs to breathe and so do we. Air pollution is falling, people are looking after their health better, we’re counting our blessings (people, food, health, money to purchase things) and being more mindful about what we eat.

I wrote an entire blog about personal resilience so feel free to check it out if you think you need that resource.

Accountability vs Self-degrading

I briefly talked about this before in my blogs but for the purpose of this topic, I will explain the difference between accountability and being self-degrading quickly.
Accountability = Knowing where you went wrong and areas of improvement needed. It’s choosing to look at failure and mistakes as an OPPORTUNITY to evolve and amp up your strengths even more.
Self-degrading = the language you use which puts you down that makes you feel any negative emotion about yourself. It’s blaming yourself and talking to yourself like you talk to a nemesis.

Raise Your Standards

Think of one thing that you want right now, lets say ‘healthy relationship.’ You have to ask yourself what is a healthy relationship to you? Don’t be vague by saying ‘ a gentleman,’ well what’s a gentleman to you? Write down or discuss with someone what you’re looking for in a partner AND the deal breakers. Deal breakers could be – [TRIGGER WARNING]: abusive language, body shaming, degrading, etc… Figure out what is love to you. That also applies to friendships, career, health and many more. Something I heard Mary Jelkovsky say about health is “If IMAGE and NUMBER didn’t exist, what does health look like to you?” In any area of your life, ask yourself what does that mean to you and what are the deal breakers. Raising your standards allows you to cultivate fulfilling relationships and satisfaction in every area of your life. Anything that doesn’t match that standard is what you tell smooth sails and god’s speed if you can’t change that or fix it.

Finding Like-Minded People

For me personally, talking about the environment is also touchy subject for some reason because people CLING to their habits, I am vegan and I believe in the law of attraction (watch The Secret on Netflix), so there’s a lot that I feel like I can’t discuss. That doesn’t mean my beliefs or values are WRONG. It just means I have to find more open-minded people and like-minded communities. So I joined a program called Environmental Leadership where we get to expand our knowledge about the environment and all the volunteers are students my age, and we’re working together on a social action campaign. As for law of attraction, I join social media groups where I can make online friends, be my true self and share my two scents.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

If you have to take screenshots or save this blog, please do so. Don’t just read it and go back to old habits then wonder how to be yourself. Also, remember that the right people are the ones that accept you for who you are and they love being part of your self-development journey.
“I pledge to check in with my feelings every day.”

STOP Comparing YOUR Life To Others

We all find ourselves comparing our lives to other people almost every day. To be honest it can be hard sometimes to shut the outside noise because it’s everywhere. You see people thriving and succeeding in areas you’re trying to grow at on social media, at a workplace, within friendships and many more. You find yourself comparing your physical appearance, your relationships, your success at work or education, etc… This blog will focus solely on how and why you should STOP comparing your life with other people.

Comparing Physical Appearance

Social media is such a misleading world and I know that from personal experience. I need you to understand that when I say that NOT everything is the way it seems, I mean it. Before comparing your body, hair, skin tone, features or whatever, I want you understand the following:

  • You have NO IDEA what other people do to have the body that they have. I personally know people who starve themselves so they avoid social outings, count how many calories they should eat before going out, cutting out food, doing shitty diets like “the water diet” which comes with A LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS. A lot of people struggle to get the body that they want.
  • NOTHING against cosmetic procedures, but a lot of people, especially celebrities get plastic surgery to look a certain way or even get liposuction and they aren’t transparent about that.
  • Applications I have personally used (deleted all these photos) – FaceTune2 and many other applications are used to alter your features like a more defined cheekbone, slimmer nose, bigger lips or to remove eye bags/dark circles, simply to catfish whatever standards society has set for us. Even applications like ‘Make Me Slim Thin‘ to edit their photos (used these too) just to look smaller or have bigger hips. ALL these features are BEAUTIFUL obviously, but you don’t HAVE to look a certain way just because someone else does.
  • MAKE UP – Just go on YouTube and see how people change their skin tone or contour their face to look more ‘defined.’ Even acne can be concealed using make up even though it is something very normal that everyone gets.

Most importantly, know that you are NOT in competition with anyone and if you do feel that way, sorry not sorry, but that is YOUR own insecurity which you need to work on. I have written a step by step blog about how to start loving your body and another one about body dysmorphia in case you need it.

Comparing Your Relationships

This is one of the most common comparisons that I see, and I have been guilty of it in the past. Whether it’s friendships, families or romantic partnerships, this section is for you if you keep comparing.

  • Romantic partnerships: No matter how many screenshots people share with you, no matter how many pictures they post on social media and how much that person talks about their partner, you have NO IDEA what the nature of their relationship is. You don’t know if they’re both faithful to one another. You don’t join every single phone call and you have no idea what arguments they’ve had that they haven’t told you about. How many of you here were constantly posting pictures or videos of your partner/with your partner and your relationship is/was fucking shitty? Most importantly, you don’t need a confirmation of their misery to feel better about yourself. Maybe a happy relationship is the only good thing that person has in their life and you don’t know how far they came to develop a healthy relationship.
  • Friendships: Again, you DON’T know the nature of each and every single friendship. Just because someone has a lot of friends, that doesn’t mean that life challenges, deep rooted insecurities and fears are completely excluded from their life. People like me have been LITERALLY betrayed over 3 times by different friends and have been backstabbed A LOT until I finally developed healthy friendships. Focus on the relationship you have with YOURSELF and then go from there.
  • Family: Let me ask you something, have you lived with their family since the day your friend was born? Do you know every single struggle or difficulty that went down in that house? No. Truth is that you DON’T KNOW SHIT. Whether that person is related by blood or not with that family, STOP COMPARING. It is so unfair of you to say ‘well at least they have a family,’ because maybe that household is so toxic and your friend grew up feeling scared and unloved their entire life. Yes, I do believe we should all be grateful for the big and small things we have, but that doesn’t mean you get to put yourself or others down. Just why?? Not everything is against you ffs. Just like not everyone knows what’s happening in your household, you can’t tell either what’s going on in others lives.

Hard Truth – Your relationships is YOUR responsibility. You’re the one holding the phone and you’re the one who makes a decision each and every single day who you choose to be in your life. YOU choose whether or not to communicate your needs, your voice and your opinions. I’m not saying it’s all easy, but I am saying it is something at SOME LEVEL is in your hands. You have two choices – take control of your relationships or give your power away to others. Your choice if you want to keep giving outside circumstances a voice and keep playing the victim. In a time like this, we need to lean on each other and be more open rather than adding more pressure. I’m sorry, I know I am being so harsh right now, but I am only saying that because I love you guys and I want us all (including myself) to do BETTER.

Comparing Your Success

I understand that we all have goals and aspirations, so it can be hard sometimes to not compare your success to other people when people are constantly sharing and posting. Whatever you define success to be this section still applies to you.

  • I want you to remind yourself that everyone has a different journey. Just because something hasn’t happened yet or it took a completely different turn, it doesn’t mean you’re done. You probably had a lot of times when you fell down and thought you won’t make it but you did or you ended up on a better path. Make this your mantra: “Things Fall Apart To Fall Into Place” – there’s no other way
  • Someone else’s success is NOT an indication of your failure! You both came out of a different womb (or the same one..) at a different time and your heads aren’t popping out of the same body. You are NOT them and they are NOT you. If you want to give your power to other people, be my guest, or you can start declaring that your life is turning around and start applying changes and see how that works for you.
  • Success can happen ANYTIME at ANY age – DO NOT set yourself limitations because of your identity, age or family. Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire!
  • Find or ask for navigation – Instead of looking at them as evidence of your poor performance, use them as inspiration and a way to access information as to how they got to where they got to. Asking for help doesn’t make you ‘stupid’ or ‘not good enough.’ Every single day we all learn and grow, it’s a process and a journey. So you can either continue being a bitch to your ego (sorry again – love you) or you can go ahead and ask for help/advice. Refocus. Refocus. Refocus. It’s a process and it’s okay to make mistakes or even fail.

I don’t want to address this thing happening in the world right now because it’s being talked about EVERY WHERE like there’s no escape. I just want to briefly share a few things you can do in this difficult time, because it really is a difficult time to a lot of people especially that a lot of things I was looking forward to have been delayed so it’s been hard to adjust to ALL OF THAT. Here are things to do at this time INSTEAD of comparing and comparing:

  1. We never have enough time during the rush and the commitments to really spend time alone enough. Take this time to self-reflect by asking yourself what do you want out of life? What are your passions? Who do you aspire to be? What kind of career do you want to pursue? What relationships do you want to develop or form? I would say take the time to rate each area of your life out of 10, ask yourself what have you already done and what else can you do. So for example, if your career life is 4/10, how can you get to a 5/10?
  2. Count Your Blessings – Now that most of us aren’t working, studying, going out or seeing people, it definitely feels lonely like there is nothing to look forward to. Take this time to remind yourself of everything you have and anything you have taken for granted – Health, Friends, Career, Money, Love, Hobbies, Food if you managed to get any at this time, a roof over your head to stay safe, etc..
  3. Learn Something New – I don’t know what you want to learn whether it’s cooking, make up, science, personal empowerment, bla bla bla. Get to it and you can check out SKILLSHARE to help you with all these areas.
  4. Do the things you have been delaying like that dusty old book you’ve been saying you’ll read since 1973
  5. Learn how to look after your mental health and self-care daily. I have a whole mental health category as well or find an online therapist.
  6. Reminder: We are all given this chance to slow down and take some time to ourselves. This is also a time where Earth is breathing – there has been a lot of climate issues, pollution and the Amazon was on FIRE. This time will allow Earth to breath a little from all the litter outside and carbon emissions, etc…
  7. Learn to be more mindful with eating and adopt a healthier lifestyle – Obviously most supermarkets are short on food or completely out of products, so take this time to be more mindful and choose healthier choices (since everyone talks about boosting their immunity system)
  8. PLEASE!! LOOK AFTER ONE ANOTHER!! I know some people are separated from their loved ones including myself, but please lets learn to use this time and understand that life is so damn short and here is the evidence. So call, text, video call or make time to meet if you aren’t on lockdown/living close to each other or if you drive, do spend quality time, express and share how much you care about each other. This is a time where every single one of us NEEDS the support... Let go of the pettiness, the ego, the fears and the insecurities for now – now is not the time for that

New Year, New Me – Officially HEALED!

If you have read my last two blogs, you know that I have been going through depression and I wasn’t feeling present at all as my mind was stuck in the past from a few triggers. I talked in depth about that in that blog and I talked in that second blog about my depression and when I was diagnosed 2-3 years ago.

As a lot of you know, since I started blogging I have been sharing my journey and my healing from a lot of residual past shit. I shared my insecurities and my struggle with body image, self-love, confidence, anxiety, depression, social anxiety, body dysmorphia and trusting people after a lot of betrayals and heartbreaks. 2019 was solely focused on improving myself image and becoming my own best friend which I did! This year I chose to focus on completely letting go and moving on… It’s safe to say – I HAVE COMPLETELY HEALED!!!!!!

I already shared in my depression blog a few things that I have been doing which really helped me feel better. I haven’t shared my ‘Strict Mental Diet.’ Doing that, I have found my power and my own goddamn crown! I feel more ready than ever for new experiences and relationships, and mostly because I am NO LONGER holding ANY grudges against ANYONE. I DON’T feel angry at anyone or hurt at all – I forgave them all and I really dug deep till I got to the root of every problem (explained in previous blog in depth). I don’t even feel like I need anyone’s apology anymore and it’s safe to say that I developed the peace of mind I have been seeking. I have been taking my time off for that which I am absolutely proud of!

Strict Mental Diet

So what is the mental diet that I’m talking about?
Well, I am in a Facebook group where I posted a 30-Day challenge intended to reprogram our SUBCONSCIOUS minds and to take our power back! Before I talk about this more, let me explain what I mean by ‘3D reality.’ 3D reality is the term I like to use on this world we live in where we perceive our current reality. In your 3D world this person did XYZ, this person said that, this happened to your financial life and this happened to your career life, etc… The truth is, we don’t really know what’s real and what isn’t. There are things always happening beyond our consciousness and not everything is the way it seems.

I talked before about the ‘Law of Attraction,’ which is a law in quantum physics just like the Law of Gravity. The law of attraction states that ‘likes attract likes.’ What does that mean? It means that whatever you believe, think about and emotionalise is what you attract into your life. Do you believe that people are constantly using you? Look at your life, everyone is using you, right? This happens because we keep reaffirming those beliefs based on past experiences or others experiences. That law states that in order to manifest something you ‘Ask, Believe, Receive.’ Apparently this has also been discussed in religions (not sure if in all religions – if you’re religious) , that whatever you ask God, The Universe (whatever you believe in) and you have a firm belief that it will happen WITHOUT reacting to the 3D world, that’s when you’re open to receiving your manifestations. I said ‘this reality’ because according to quantum physics we live in multiverse (science is fucking amazing and fun! Bring on the aliens!). Don’t believe me? Read about ‘string theory’ and ‘double-slit experiment.’

Read or watch The Secret to understand The Law of Attraction better- as a summary it says that in order to manifest something you have to be in vibrational alignment – meaning you have TO BE IT without obsessing over it (for example, you have to feel rich and believe you’re wealthy – that’s a vibrational alignment with wealth) and then you begin to attract it to your life. “You attract what you are, not what you want.” Obviously, you won’t just attract things if you have limiting beliefs deep rooted in you. That’s exactly why I created that ‘Strict Mental Diet’ and I focused on forgiveness as well (explained more in the previous blog). As for ‘scripting,’ I also talked briefly about this in my previous blog, it’s basically writing a paragraph or as many as you want as the type of person you aspire to be and the things you aspire to have but writing it in present tense. I will keep saying this – THE BEST MOTIVATION IS THE ONE YOU FIND WITHIN YOU!

The best thing that I have been doing since last year is focusing on MYSELF! My confidence keeps increasing more and more and I feel so invincible. I am no longer reacting to shit circumstances, because that’s not where I want to invest my energy. I trust and believe that everything is happening FOR ME and NOT TO ME, because I know that I deserve the best. I am worthy and deserving of a full happy life. If anything, I set an example to this world that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS WITH YOU – true friendships exist, love is real, that everything is a choice and that being fearless is possible.

Affirm these to yourself OUT LOUD AND SAY THEM LIKE YOU MEAN IT:

– I am MORE than fucking enough!
– I am an incredible and magical being!
– Every single day in a variety of ways I am becoming better and better!
– I am fearless and badass!
– I am so fucking powerful!
– I am in control of my life!
– I always get what I want and I am now getting everything that I want!
– I am capable of doing and becoming ANYTHING!
– My success in life is inevitable!

Self-love is SO FUCKING IMPORTANT! Love yourself truly and unconditionally till you see your worth. There is NO SUCH THING as ‘not good enough’ or ‘incapable.’ YOU are setting those limitations for yourself! So take some accountability and stop looking at the world from a small window. Accountability is NOT the same as self-degrading, remember that. Learn to trust whatever you believe in (God/The Universe, etc) without wondering ‘how’ or ‘when.’ When you truly believe in something, you don’t wonder when it’s going to happen or how. Tell yourself now: I am the ‘what’ and the ‘now’ NOT the ‘when’ or the ‘how.‘ Place your order, let it come to you and go after what you want to go after. If ‘fear’ is what’s stopping you, go read this blog for a little push AND this one for ways to deal with that dickhead fear.

The POWER Lies Within You <3

It’s 04:00 in the morning and I am supposed to head to bed, but I felt SUPER INSPIRED to write this! I have been wanting my first blog of 2020 to be FUCKING BOMB, but I wasn’t sure which blog post to share – THIS IS THE ONE <3 Whether this year has begun wonderful or stressful so far, LET ME give you that positive energy that I hold within. Most importantly, I will answer the question I get a lot which is “how do you keep your vibes up?”/ “how are you always happy?” [Obviously I am NOT ALWAYS happy, but I am like 90% of the time]

“As above, so below, as within, so without.”
Ever heard of that saying? This quote explains that your internal energy reflects the external. But how? Us human beings, we are logical beings, so I will explain this logically before jumping to give you some GOOD vibes and energy, as I write this from the heart! In quantum physics, there are laws just like the law of gravity, in this case, I am talking about the law of attraction. Law of attraction states that likes attracts like, so whatever thoughts and beliefs you hold depending on how and where you were raised and your life experience – THAT IS WHAT MANIFESTS INTO YOUR LIFE – I know what you’re thinking… ‘That’s bullshit.’

Nope. Trust me, it is NOT. Let me ask you something RIGHT NOW – do you believe that you’re unlucky? If you answered ‘yes,’ how are things working out for you? My guess is that you’re always hitting roadblocks and an awful luck. Ever looked at someone who perceives themselves as ‘lucky?’ Lucky people perceive themselves that way, and that’s what they became. Still don’t believe me? Well let me convince you.

Close your eyes now and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM POWERFUL”
Open your eyes.
Close your eyes again and say OUT LOUD like you mean it “I AM WEAK”
Open your eyes.

Do you notice the difference in how you felt and your posture? That’s how powerful our words, thoughts and emotions are. Psychology states that the moment you say ‘I AM’ that is what you start to become. How many of you here say “I AM BROKE?” What’s your circumstance now? Now think back to a time where you were financially stable and just remember how you perceived yourself in that moment and how you felt. Obviously, roadblocks are a part of life, but we do have massive control over our circumstances. When you were financially stable, at some point before that you visualised yourself as wealthy in future and you felt it in your heart centre. The more you believe a thought and emotionalise it, that is what you start to become. The more you focus on something, the more you start to notice it every where. If your focus is on stress and struggle, you see even more stress and struggle. What you direct your focus on is what you see, think and feel more of.

If you want to understand this topic on a deeper level, go watch The Secret or read the book. Either way, I will in future write a blog specifically for the ‘Law of Attraction’ and explain more the process of ‘ask, believe, receive.’ These have been proven by quantum physics, psychology and even in a lot of religions if you’re religious. I will also share REAL LIFE examples and experiences, and how I CHANGED my belief system for the better. For the time being you can check out my other blog about reprogramming your subconscious mind here.

YOU hold SO MUCH POWER within you! Believe it or not, YOU are your own hero. People can bring you down, yes. People can hurt you. Life can be unfair. But the choice to get on your healing journey and be a badass is one that YOU make! You are capable of doing almost ANYTHING – YES YOU ARE! Stop setting yourself limitations and being a slave to FEAR (F.E.A.R. = False.Evidence.Appearing.Real.) So get up and get yourself feeling AMAZING! READ THESE OUT LOUD TO YOURSELF NOW:

I have the ability to go above and beyond.
I rise above any circumstance.

How Do I Keep My Vibes Up?

– Daily affirmations:
Every single morning AND night, I affirm out loud who I am! “I am confident, calm and complete.” “I am MORE than fucking enough!” “I am calm & in control of my emotions.” “I am the best version of myself.” “I am happy and enjoying every moment of my life.” As I say these, I feel it in my soul and stomach, and I say it like I fucking mean it. If you start your morning with “this day already sucks,” every little thing starts to piss you off and everything goes wrong.

– Intention:
I cannot stress the power of our intentions. Let me give you a past example – As the dumb teenager I was, I was mostly attracted to fuckbois/bad boys. I intended to be with a fuckboi one day (I did mention that I was a dumb teenager) and I always pictured in my head that would be the next ‘boyfriend.’ And guess what? I ended up with a fuckboi for 3 years… Early last year, I made a list of ‘Must haves’ and ‘Deal Breakers’ for every single person that comes into my life. The ‘must haves’ are the qualities that I believe the people that I’ll be around the most should hold and the deal breakers are the characteristics that I know will let me pack a bag and hold a sign of ‘See You Never,’ which led me to end a 6-year friendship and develop BEAUTIFUL relationships and enhance the ones I already have. So the moral of this story is to set a daily intention – Today I will be….. Today I choose to…. and that’s what I look forward to the rest of the day. What you intend becomes your focus, and what you focus on is what you begin to manifest.

I remind myself DAILY the things I am grateful for – big AND small. Start with a list of 5 things, then add another 5, and keep on adding another 5 till you’re done. This could be something as small as ‘had a coffee with a friend’ or ‘heater at home.’

Close up of a woman hand writing on a notebook outdoor lying on the grass in a park

– Daily goals:
Every single night, I plan the next day. And when I say set daily goals it doesn’t have to be ‘Become Einstein and read all physics books.’ Just tasks AND reminders throughout the day to look forward to. Win the night to win the morning. Win the morning to win the day.

– Daily Motivational Video/Podcast:
Since mid 2018, I have been watching daily videos that give me a little boost. I will post some of them at the end of this blog.

Meditation (Sometimes)
I have an application called ‘Insight Timer’ and obviously, YouTube.

Self-love Reminder:
I give myself that love to myself daily (and no it’s not narcissistic, ice your clits/balls). I either write down reasons why I am worthy of a magical life and why I am a great person or I write a short letter (even one paragraph) or some notes to myself. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone to every relationship in your life. You are the most important person in your world, and if you’re not, start reading my self-love and confidence blogs.

Be present:
We all have thoughts flowing here and there all the time. So I do those two:
1) 4-fold-breath: Breathing in for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, breathe out for 4 seconds and remain empty for 4 seconds. Repeat till you relax.
2) 5-4-3-2-1 method: Writing down 5 things you see, 4 things you feel (for example: back touching the chair, foot on the floor, phone in hand, etc…), 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. – Bring yourself back to the present

– Enjoying my own company:
I wrote an entire blog about this here

– Make myself laugh:
Maybe it’s my sense of humour, but I make myself laugh DAILY!! Whether it’s making jokes with my friend on the phone, watching a sitcom or whatever it is that you need to do, just make yourself LAUGH. To me, laughter is the BEST medicine. I discovered an Instagram filter recently and I just kept messing with it and laughing my ass off. Don’t believe me? See for yourself.

Two more videos?

*Has assignment submission* Me: Turns into a pig.

As promised, here are some motivational videos/podcasts:
Don’t Doubt Yourself
Let It Go
Must Have Beliefs
Love Yourself
Learn This
Purpose To Living
Are You Feeling Trapped?
Transform Your Pain To Real Growth
Powerful Morning Affirmations – I listen to this sometimes whilst getting ready

P.S.: Every emotion/feeling is healthy to a certain capacity. If someone passed away tomorrow, feeling ‘happy’ won’t do you shit. So understand that all emotions are essential – it’s about how you deal with it and the capacity of that feeling. So no, it is NOT healthy to be happy ALL THE TIME. [Coming from a happy person]. You are not meant to be perfect. You are meant to be uniquely you. You are not meant to be a robot. You’re meant to be HUMAN.

The Power of No

I grew up in a culture where it’s so hard to say no. A culture that taught us growing up that a ‘decent’ woman should abide by the rules set by her family and her ‘husband.’ As if our worth is defined by a man… *face palm* Being bold, answering back or speaking up always translated to being a disrespectful woman with no manners. We just have to say ‘yes’ as to what we’re allowed to wear according to our ‘parents’ and ‘husband,’ we have to say ‘yes’ to staying home or coming back before 10 pm and many more.

We aren’t even allowed to argue or answer back in my culture, but men are allowed to go clubbing, spend the night out, smoke, laugh out loud and date. Whereas women in my culture have to be calm, quiet, covered, have the ability to cook and clean, not date and the rest you can guess I’m sure – The Caveman Mentality. So I, more than anyone know how hard it can be to say ‘NO’ and to stand up for yourself.

I think one of the reasons why saying ‘No’ is looked at so negatively is because people confuse the difference between standing true to yourself vs being rebellious. Even being rebellious sometimes can be good – Sometimes you have to go against the social norms and cultural expectations to be who you really are and to pursue the dream you’ve been longing to have.

Step 1: How Do You Find The Courage To Speak Up?

The first thing to do is to understand what do you really want and why by asking yourself those three questions:

  1. What are your values? Why?
    Get a clear idea of why do you value a certain thing or hold a certain belief by digging deep, rather than just repeating what you’ve been force-fed from a young age.
  2. What are your priorities and how important are they?
    We ALL have an endless list of wants and desires, but what is really important to you and how does that impact your life? By asking yourself that question you will dig deeper to understand the value of each desire and which ones are actually important to you.
  3. Is It Really Worth It?
    Again, by understanding the worth of something, that fuels you to go after it and fight for it regardless of what others say. For instance, in my culture (again) you have to be a doctor, lawyer, engineer or a disgrace to the family. Personally, I did want to be a doctor for the longest time but my grades weren’t the best. So I pursued my other option, Business School, which a lot of people told me is ‘bullshit’ or ‘useless.’ Apparently everything is about prestige and reputation to them, to me it is all about MY passion.

Step 2: Balancing Between Giving & Receiving

More times than none I hear people complaining about always being the giver and receiving less than they deserve or nothing in return. Saying ‘no’ isn’t just standing up to your career goals. Saying ‘no’ is setting boundaries and standards in relationships as well (Relationships = Friendships, siblings, family and romantic partnerships).

  • Know When You’re Giving Too Much: If what you’re giving other people is DRAINING your energy, consuming too much of your time to do other things or is simply biting you in the ass almost every single time as a result, then you’re giving this person more than they deserve. We all have limited abilities and limited time, with that comes a lot of other commitments. So draw the line and understand the extent to which you can give. Being too selfless is NOT -always- good if it’s at the cost of your commitments, life, etc…
  • Understand When To Expect In Return: Now I get that this isn’t a trade and I do believe that we should give without being in the mind frame of getting something in return. Then again, a lot of times I hear stories of people who weren’t given the same amount of support, respect and affection from other people. Every relationship (friendship/romantic ones/family) is between TWO PEOPLE – so respect is a two way street… That person should treat you the same way you treat them. Stop settling and accepting to receive less than what you really deserve and want. Then again, you have to draw the line between your desires and being too needy..

Step 3: What’s Stopping You?

A lot of times we want to say ‘no,’ but we freeze. So ask yourself now, why are you saying ‘yes’ to things that don’t give you fulfilment? Is it because you’re afraid of hurting someone’s feelings? Fear of failure? Fear of judgement?
You have to be careful to the things that you say ‘yes’ to, because every single time you lock yourself in a responsibility for something/someone.
Yes= Settling for what’s familiar, fear wins and STAYS, doors that were open start to close.
NO= Courage and risk-taking, making use of opportunities, personal growth.

Step 4: Switch Roles – Be The Friend

I want you to take 5-10 minutes doing an exercise – Pretend in those 5-10 minutes that you’re the friend/advice giver. You, the advice giver, is listening to another YOU having the same problem or struggle. What advice would you give them? What would you tell them to do and why?

Step 5: Know When No is Good

  • Self-discipline: You know your weakness and area of improvement (personal or job-wise) and you want to work on that. You CHOOSE to demand more because where you’re currently at isn’t good enough FOR YOU.
  • Goal Aligning: Again, this can be personal goals, education, career, health, etc…
  • COMPROMISING: A lot of times I hear people talking about sacrifice like it’s something that should be done in a relationship. You do NOT sacrifice parts of yourself or your life for ANYONE, but you can COMPROMISE. Things happen sometimes and with that priorities can change sometimes, and that’s when you compromise NOT sacrifice.

Step 6: Where Are You Now?

Ask Yourself These Questions:

  1. On a scale of 1-10, how fulfilled are you with your current circumstances and why/why not?
  2. Lets say on the scale you’re 4/10 fulfilled with your financial life and 6/10 with your friendships. How can you up to a 5/10 and a 7/10?

Doing this exercise will give you a better idea on what you really want/don’t want. Doing that you understand how you can do, get and give more.

Final Step: How Do You Literally Say ‘NO?’

  • Start small – If you lived your life being ‘yessy’ all the time, obviously saying no is not going to be easy. So start saying no to small things, lets say a day where you just want to be alone and not hangout (just an example). Start small and don’t be so hard on yourself – You’ll get there ๐Ÿ™‚
  • Language – Mind the language you use when you communicate. If something doesn’t serve you right, maybe you should sit down with yourself first and think of the wording to tell someone smooth sails and God’s fucking speed in the most respectful way possible.
  • Reason – Now that you have done the previous steps and exercises, communicate your reason to the other person. Whether they accept it or not is their choice, you’ve said your piece. Move on afterwards.
  • Reminders:
    – You lock yourself in a responsibility you don’t want to hold every time you say yes to the things you want to say ‘no’ to.
    – The advice giver’s advice
    – Compromise vs sacrifice
    – YOU matter too <3
  • Demand/Persist – You mustered up the courage and energy to speak up, so stick to what you want. Unless someone gives you a logical, proper reason to change your mind and one that will serve you right, DO NOT GIVE IN!

How To Be A Badass Bitch ;)

We all have an inner boss bitch, we just need to channel it and let it OUT! Just like I have a Pettyzana side (My name: Rozana + Petty = Pettyzana – I know it’s a talent) Fuck yeah! Be your own goddamn queen/king!

Here is a list of Do’s and Dont’s:


Choose to be confident! The ‘how?’ is explained in this blog and here is where I explained how I did it

Self-reliant: Don’t expect for anyone to be available ALL the time. It’s time to be more responsible and independent to do everything you want to do without relying on anyone but YOURSELF. Some people might even disappoint you in future (it’s a fact. Not being pessimistic here), so no matter who you end up with, you are the only person you can rely on.

Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve: To be a badass is the complete opposite of being ‘fake.’ Be your authentic self as much as you possibly can, so if you’re not feeling okay, that’s fine. Don’t be okay right now, just pick yourself back up tomorrow. If you feel happy, BE FUCKING HAPPY. If an emotion it’s real to you, then feel it and wear it on your sleeve even if it’s hard to do that. It doesn’t have to be real to anyone else but YOU.

Assertive: Speak your thoughts and opinion LOUD AND CLEAR. You have been blessed with something that NOT everyone has, and that is a VOICE. You have a voice, so choose to be heard. Now there is a fine line between being assertive and disrespectful. Assertiveness is fearlessly expressing yourself without crossing the line or others boundaries, so choose your words wisely.

Stand By What You Believe In: This again falls under being assertive, but beliefs is more about values and morals. If you truly believe in something, don’t be ashamed, embarrassed or afraid to be true to you. Everyone has different beliefs obviously and you should respect that and receive the same respect in return.

IDGAF Attitude: I say this a lot and I will keep saying it, the person you are spending the rest of your life with is YOU. So stop giving two shits what others think of you because people judge no matter what. If I am doing something that is NOT harming anyone in any way, I tell those haters and energy suckers that I’ll sleep without an underwear so they can KISS.MY.ASS ๐Ÿ™‚ I know, the tea is too much…

Own Your Past Pain: After healing of course, choose to own your past pain by letting it shape you into a better person, rather than break you. You have been through many storms, why give up now? Pain can come back from time to time of course and everyone has a different story, just try as much as you can possibly can to remind yourself of the PRESENT rather than the PAST. I turned that pain around and developed these blogs to inspire and help many ๐Ÿ™‚

START DOING: You know that passion you have that you keep saying you’ll read about or take action soon but you keep procrastinating? Well get your ass up now and start DOING instead of flapping those lips.

– Wear WHATEVER Makes You Feel Powerful

Practice Peace of Mind: I always say make it a habit to have 1-2 days for yourself ALONE to disconnect, in order to re-connect with your commitments, relationships, yourself, etc… In those days, try to practice peace of mind, whether it’s journaling, EFT, meditation, painting, drawing, writing, and many more… Just FLUSH and detox. If you don’t have 24 hours for yourself, find at least 15 minutes when you first wake up or before bed.


1- People pleasing

2- Apologise Too Much – Only apologise when you’re at fault

3- Seeking approval

4- Seeking acceptance

I say: FUCK EM all ๐Ÿ™‚

Finger is still up even when it’s injured… #PETTYZANA

Developing Personal Resilience

Back in October 2019, I joined a program called “Environmental Leadership” with a company called Uprising, which is basically a 9-month program where you get to know more about the environment and develop leadership skills at the same time. That being said, we have sessions about leadership skills, networking, etc… Today’s session was about Personal Branding & Resilience, and I gladly got to meet the speaker Errol Lawson.

Errol Lawson is a speaker, author, coach and entrepreneur, whom I got his book today called ‘From Post Code To The Globe: How to Overcome Your Limitations & Realise Your Potential‘ I got to stand up today (by choice) and share my story in a room full of 60 people which was absolutely remarkable! I don’t know how I did it and how I managed to say what I said and the three ways I overcame a dark phase of my life.

Today I am writing this blog to share 3 ways to turn things around, according to Errol Lawson, so let’s get to it:

  • Choose The Right Friends: There are 4 types of friends and who you surround yourself with are the ones you pick up their energies. Apparently the 5 people you spend time with the most are the ones you begin to adopt their personality, so beware. 4 types of friends:
    Adders: These are the types of people that add value to your life in any way (YAY- keep those)
    Takers: Energy suckers basically are the ones who are ALWAYS negative about life and absolutely ungrateful. Going through a rough patch is one thing and constantly being down and depressing over anything is another thing (NAY – Stay away from them)
    Dividers: People with no goal in life (personal or career wise) and they usually try to hold you back or drag you south by discouraging your goals. (Eww- Stay away from them)
    Multipliers: These are the ones that make you feel 10ft taller with them as they constantly push you to be the best version of yourself, because they truly want what’s best for you and conversations with them usually energise you/stimulate you. (YAY – keep those)
  • Take 100% Responsibility – I mentioned this before briefly in my blogs and I will say it again. If someone wronged you or hurt you, that’s on THEM. It is not their fault though that you haven’t moved on. The first step to moving on is getting out of that victim mindset of blaming circumstances and people. Yes, shame on them, but what next?! Happiness is a responsibility and it is YOURS alone. Here are two sayings that Errol said that really stuck in my head:
    “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to ME!” Simply means that your life, your choices and your relationships (friends/family/lovers) is something that YOU are in charge of and not the circumstances or people. You make these decisions so YOU create your own destiny.
    “Excuses are the nails of the coffin in this universe.” I know how hard life can be and how a lot of times things seem out of our control or unfair, just remember that giving power to the past, to other people and to circumstances is the reason why a lot of us are unhappy. Sometimes you have to say ENOUGH and get on with your healing journey no matter how long it will take.
One of the ’13 Reasons Why’ I love Will Smith ๐Ÿ˜› Link of that 2 minute video is HERE
  • BE COURAGEOUS (Literally)!
    So what is comfort zone? Comfort is a place or a situation that seems familiar so we just settle there no matter how toxic that person/place/job can be for us. To turn things around you HAVE TO break that cycle and keep stepping out of that comfort zone. You do that by stepping into the unknown that scares you! Think about it, if you flashforward 20 years from now and today is your last day, what story do you want to tell an infant about your life? What experiences, moments and people would you want to share that made your life worth living and colourful? Which people, jobs, places and experiences were worth investing time and energy in? Really think about that and ask yourself, how can I live fully with no regrets? The last thing I personally want is to look back and say I wish I didn’t miss out on this moment/experience. So get the hell out of your comfort zone and stop letting fear win. You’re not the victim of your story. Your story is your POWER! There is nothing out of control unless you give that power to others. Remember life is too short and look at how fast the days, months and years are passing – STOP WASTING TIME AND GET OUT THERE! It is YOUR life and no one else’s!

Two things that DON’T matter:

  1. FAKE credibility
  2. Being accepted

My 2019 Confidence Story

2019 has definitely been a personal growth and self-confidence journey for me. It was my main focus this year and thank God I achieved that. Yes, I do still have some insecurities, but not in a way that’s getting in the way of my life. Achieving and enhancing confidence does NOT mean that I am done with this journey. I am NOT done! I still want to do better and grow even more, and I WILL!

So let me take you back to January 2019 and take you on this ride with me…

January 2019 to February 2019– I took a photo EVERY SINGLE DAY and I wrote a caption about myself (a positive one). With every single day, I would dress to impress myself however I was feeling. If I wanted to wear a hoodie and no makeup that day, I would do that. If I wanted to dress up and put on simple/heavy makeup, I would do that FOR ME.
Here are some of the captions that I wrote:

“Hoodie or classy dress, I always rock the hell out of it ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“I am a combination of beauty, brain and power. ๐Ÿ’ฅ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”
“Today I choose to purge myself out of a toxic mindset, because I am worthy of self-love and kindness.”
“They call me pretty, but theyโ€™re wrong. I am stunning๐Ÿ–ค๐Ÿ‘‘”
“Another day of embracing my natural beauty~ โ™ฅ๐Ÿ–ค”
“To celebrate Valentineโ€™s day, I choose to spoil myself with makeup and so much self-love โ™ฅ”
“I dress to impress ME ๐Ÿ‘‘๐Ÿ–ค”

The other thing that I was doing on a daily basis till I BELIEVED that I am confident, is writing affirmations every day or every night. We all have qualities and just because others don’t see that, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It is important to remind yourself of your good qualities rather than just focusing on the flaws. Here is a list of some affirmations: [Get a JOURNAL]

  • Every day in a variety of ways, I am becoming better and better.
  • I am unbreakable and invincible
  • I am my own backbone
  • I am strong and independent
  • I am a dreamer
  • I am energetic
  • I am resilient
  • I am loyal to the bone
  • I am an action taker
  • I am goal-oriented
  • I am full of love, light and life
  • I am unique in my own way

February 2019 till this day – I made it a PRIORITY to take some time for MYSELF at least ONCE a week to do one or more of the following:

  • Learning to enjoy my own company – taking myself out for coffee, having a movie night with a cup of hot chocolate, etc…
  • Review what my goals are and where I’m at – What to do next? How can I improve? What do I really want?
  • Reward myself – After a long week at uni or simply just doing some work, I always reward myself. You can do that by purchasing something for yourself, getting your nails done or a haircut, treating yourself a nice meal or snack, at home spa day, etc…

March 2019 till this day- Challenging Self-Limiting Beliefs & Accepting/Working on My Flaws

  • We all have self-sabotaging thoughts and sometimes when we keep reaffirming them, we start to believe them. Personally I had a lot of negative thoughts and feelings about my personality, my body, my ability to do certain things or be who I want to be, my intelligence and many more… So what I did is that EVERYTIME I would have a self-limiting thought, I’d tell myself “CANCEL!!” I command myself to CANCEL that thought completely and remind myself of at least one good quality about myself.
  • As for my flaws, I recognised that I am only human who has flaws like anyone else, and that rather than put myself down because of that I could actually do something about it. I could try to change those flaws and be a better person without feeling the need to be ‘PERFECT.’ Perfectionism does NOT exist. So quit the need to be perfect. Hold yourself ACCOUNTABLE, DO NOT be self-destructive.
  • Started to accept me the way I am (what I can’t change) – I have limited control over my body as I have PCOS. I wrote a blog on how to do that, read HERE.
  • No makeup days to get used to how I look without makeup – I use makeup now 2-3 times MAX per week and not heavily unless I am really feeling it

April 2019 – May 2019: I put myself out there

As a university student seeking after a successful career life in future, I wanted to expand my knowledge and really immerse myself in work life. So I decided to look for an internship in the field that I am interested in. I am someone who has a huge fear of interviews and getting rejected, but I realised that REJECTION and FAILURE are a part of life. We will ALL get rejected by someone or from a job, but I knew that by putting myself out there and challenging my fear over and over again is the only way I would get what I wanted to get. I worked hard and said that I would do my best and really put myself out there, because by letting fear win, I lose. If you never try, you will never know. I had DETERMINATION so I got what I wanted!

May 2019 – Trying new things/Learning something new

  • I got a fringe
  • I dyed my hair RED
  • I tried new outfits and styles
  • I joined a program called ‘Fastlaners’ with Uprising UK about interviews, CV’s, etc… and I got to meet recruiters and understand the recruitment world better to get there in future.

June 2019 – IDGAF Attitude/Eliminating Toxicity

  • Distanced myself from people who wouldn’t accept me for who I am
  • Ended friendships with toxic people who didn’t serve me or my life in any way
  • Unfollowing/blocking people on social media who are fake or made me feel insecure in any way. You can also choose “See Fewer Posts Like These” on Instagram explore page.
  • Stood my ground and chose to only care about the one opinion that matters- MINE- This is who I am spending 70+ years of my life with
  • Realised that I don’t NEED anyone – You shouldn’t NEED anyone to be happy, be happy then be even happier with other people. They are the icing of the cake. So take responsibility for YOUR happiness, it is NOT anyone else’s job.
  • Reminded myself over and over again that only the REAL ones who genuinely care about me are the ones who will love and accept me who I am regardless of our differences, and not make lame ass excuses to walk away or be judgemental (apparently everyone is a critic these days).

July 2019September 2019 What are my values?

This is when I started to read more about the world in general, the environment, the things we eat, etc… Only in recognising my values, setting standards and standing true to that, did I feel more confident and proud of myself. Not forcing my beliefs on anyone, I am only sharing what I have been doing as an EXAMPLE – I was a vegetarian from July to August and then turned vegan in September. Read more here about my vegan journey and guide to veganism. And that is when I started to develop a healthier lifestyle.

October 2019 – Chose to be AUTHENTIC and REAL

I took off my hijab (headscarf) back in October – and no hijab is NOT oppression, I love it and I deeply respect ANYONE who wears it. I didn’t want to wear it for a while and I felt that I would be fake or being someone that I am not just for the sake of others happiness or to simply be accepted. That is NOT who I am and I chose to stand by me. I wrote an entire blog about taking my hijab off when I did. Read HERE

September 2019 till this day – Goal and Dreams Focus

Focusing on what really matters to me with my career life, my health, my impact on others and my studies. This is my purpose at the moment and that is what I am focusing on. I can’t deal with anymore fuckery or shit, I just want to get my life together and remain happy without dealing with emotional vampires and all that shit. All I want is a stable, happy life and a long ass break from any hurts or disappointments. So I am currently focusing on my studies and balancing my university life with my social life.

I hope this blogs helps in any way, but this is MY journey so it might not help anyone. I did write an entire blog before about enhancing confidence (specifically 20 tips which you can read HERE)

You’re Hurting – What To Do?

If you’re struggling right now, I feel for you. You might have been rejected, hurt, lost someone or have any other issues. Let me tell you something…

Yes, things DO hurt sometimes.. It can seem very very dark sometimes.. I get that more than anyone. I know the last thing we want to hear sometimes is the whole ‘light at the end of a tunnel’ quotes, and I will NOT do that.

But what I will tell you is this:

1- It hurts NOW and it might feel like FOREVER, but that doesn’t mean it is.
2- If someone left you, know that they didn’t love you enough. If they did, they would fight the circumstances over and over again and do their VERY best to stay with you. There is something that we can all always do because WE are the ones in CONTROL. Truth is, it’s THEIR loss NOT yours. You will hurt for now and you have every right to, just please, HOLD ON.
3- If things seem dark now, let yourself feel that moment to heal. Feel to heal. It’s okay to not be okay, just don’t wrong, mistreat or push others away because it is NOT their fault. Let people in ๐Ÿ™‚ You never lose by letting others help you.
4- If you fucked up, stop looking at all the impossibilities and look at what you can really do to make it up. Remember that people wake up with different feelings every day, you never know if you never try.
5- DO NOT push yourself too much – If you need stay in, sleep a little, disconnect from social media, do that for A DAY. If you let yourself sink in that hole, you will lose. Be strong, you can do this. I swear you can!
6- If you’re feeling insecure or self-conscious – Go ahead and read this blog
7- If you need a little sunshine – Read this SHORT blog

Remind Yourself of The Following:

  • You are worthy more than you think
  • You are beautiful and you deserve people to see that
  • You are loving and people will love you the way you love yourself
  • You are strong so keep fighting
  • You have a precious soul, let people wipe away your tears
  • You are cunning
  • You are brave
  • You are smart
  • You are IN CONTROL of YOUR life
  • You are sweet
  • You are tenacious
  • You are amazing in so many ways
  • You’re caring, and that’s not a flaw by the way

Everything will be okay… Things get better when you’re not looking.. LET PEOPLE IN and RECEIVE their love and kindness <3

Body Dysmorphic Disorder: How I Deal With It?

Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) is an anxiety disorder that affects one’s perception with their self that they become preoccupied or obsessed with a physical imperfection that some studies have shown that BDD is linked someway with OCD. , such as: nose, skin, hair, lips, body size, body weight, body shape, muscle size, body hair and many more. The imperfection becomes more exaggerated in that person’s eyes that it affects their overall mental and physical wellbeing. This is a mental health condition that I have been diagnosed with earlier this year, which I am still battling with, even though I have came a long way. From what I know, BDD does NOT really go away, which is exactly why I am writing this blog. On that note, this blog can be relevant to anyone with any body image struggles or if you know someone struggling.

Please note that I am NOT a mental health professional – The information in this blog is based on MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE, conversations with a mental health professional and through online research.

Living with body dysmorphia can be really fucking hard, however, BDD is different with everyone and we’re all at a different level with it. It can happen to anyone regardless of how thin, big their body is or how their skin tone and features look like. I still think it’s important though to share the symptoms in case you want to look into this with your doctor: (Copy pasting these symptoms)

  • Frequent examination of appearance in the mirror
  • Constantly comparing their appearance with other people
  • Seeking dermatological treatment or cosmetic surgery
  • Avoiding social events and photos
  • Seeking verbal reassurance
  • Excessive grooming
  • Restricted eating
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Compulsive

Personally, I struggle with BDD when it comes to my body size and under eyes dark circles. I have been focusing a little less on these, but I still notice them almost every other day. It’s just that there are days where it phases me and days where it doesn’t AT ALL, which I will discuss in a bit. Anyone else with BDD who sees themselves even bigger than they are and feel ‘big’ will understand what this is like and how sometimes you can look in one mirror than the other and feel like you look different (bigger or smaller). On that note, ANYONE can have BDD by the way, regardless of their size or weight.

Up until earlier this year (lets say April 2019), I used to literally CRY because of how uncomfortable I felt in my own body. The thoughts about my body size became so obsessive that I struggled a lot every morning when I had to choose an outfit to get dressed for university. There were DAYS where I was 15 minutes late to class, or even missed it because of how ‘ugly’ I felt and I couldn’t stand the idea of looking at myself and even when I didn’t look at myself and lost some weight, I still felt HUGE. (By the way, I am not saying anyone bigger in size is ugly. I am explaining how I saw myself and my body image struggles). And it wasn’t just one part of me that I thought looked huge, I saw and sometimes still see every part of me BIG or as people like to name it ‘fat.’

Having PCOS made it even worse, because to me that was the most logical and evident reason that my body is changing beyond my control, we do as PCOS women have SOME control over that but not always and it’s different with every woman. I hated going shopping because I felt that whatever I tried on won’t look good on me as it would look if I was smaller in size. That also made me wonder if everyone around me saw me that way. Obviously, there are bullies everywhere and somehow everyone’s a critic these days, thinking they’re entitled to make comments about others body and weight. So trust me when I say that I know how fucking hard it is to love and accept your body. And I know wishing and wanting to stop feeling this way but you just CAN’T!
Even when I lost weight I still looked at myself as โ€œfatโ€ and โ€œugly,โ€ and when I would look back to photos where I looked smaller, I would wonder to myself how did I think that I was fat at that time?

I get the desperation to look a certain way and being so tired of being in your body. And so I started purchasing the shit โ€œSkinny Coffeeโ€ and BooTea that promise weight loss within 14 days. I hated how I looked so much and even though I knew that shit is unhealthy, I still got them. Yes, you can lose weight drinking Fit Tea and all that stuff, but a) it flushes out a lot of your essential body minerals b) the side effects SUCK. I had awful stomach pain and it made me go to the toilet MANY times on daily basis. I felt sick drinking that stuff and consuming weight loss pills.

It has NOT been proven by science that it really works in a healthy way, and if it does help, doctors wouldnโ€™t bother forming a diet plan and exercise plan for patients that need/want to lose weight.
Also most of the time that stuff contains laxatives to work, which is very unhealthy. Side effects like constipation, diarrhea and increased stomach pain. Most of the time these drugs donโ€™t include ALL ingredients of these pills and they arenโ€™t approved by the FDA. They do it to attract insecure people just so they can profit from our insecurities.

A lot of these weight loss/detox pills have been banned because of how dangerous they can be. Please, unless it is prescribed to a specific person by a professional doctor, donโ€™t share that stuff. It does more harm than good.

The sad reality though is that no matter what anyone tells you, they can never be more mean to you than YOU. BUT, there is a way.. I promise you… Just keep reading…

Even males struggle with BDD by the way, so let’s not exclude their struggles. A lot of guys take hormone supplements, change their diets and hit the gym more than a lot of women just to look ‘masculine’ AKA ‘muscular.’ And it’s sad that people feel the need to look ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine,’ because really, we live in a world where you can literally change your gender, there is no such thing as not feminine or masculine enough.

How To Deal With BDD?
(NOTE: Consistency is key. These won’t work OVERNIGHT, but you start seeing an improvement)

  1. Find The Source: How did your body image struggle begin? There is always a source to every problem and that’s how we find a solution. The source isn’t just comments from shitty friends, toxic family members, disgusting peers at work, fugly classmates at school and fucking shitty-smell fungus-dumbass-imbecile-simple minded piece of shit of a TITless/dickless gf/bf, it can also be from the environment you are/were at. If you’re surrounded by people constantly talking about cosmetic procedures and diet plans, then this obviously plants the seeds in your subconscious mind that you become hyperaware of this; or social media. If that’s the case then head to number two. If the source is from someone who planted their own beliefs into your by making comments or implying shit or making ‘jokes’ out of it because haha it’s so funny to make people feel insecure, right? Oh no? Then why are you flapping your lips and making others feel uncomfortable really? Yeah, walk the fuck away hun.

    Sorry, I went on a tangent there... so if the source is a result of others comments then a) Tell that person how that makes you feel and if they don’t stop, drop them at the nearest train station. b) Keep giving yourself that wake up call like “Hey… these aren’t MY thoughts, that’s what people have been saying and really when I look at others, I don’t think that about them so why am I letting others beliefs dictate how I feel about myself?” And with that, you start to change your internal dialogue.
  2. Setting Boundaries- When I say setting boundaries, I’m not just talking about calling people out when they bully you. I am talking about the conversations that take place every single time with almost every person – After eating, people make jokes about how it’s time to burn those calories by going for a walk or start dieting the next day. Even in normal conversations people talk about the gym and sometimes they even ask you how often do you exercise. I get how these examples seem silly, but they can be very triggering to us and makes us uncomfortable sometimes. So it’s time to set boundaries by telling people how that TOPIC (not the person) makes you uncomfortable or insecure. Say it in a calm tone and just ask them to respect that boundary even if they don’t get it. It’s something that’s making YOU uncomfortable. Speak up.

    Another thing about setting boundaries is changing or limiting that environment of people who constantly talk about celebrities bodies, idk who got lip injections and all these diet plans that make you feel obligated to do the same. Seriously though, your wellbeing comes first and everyone has different boundaries. If social media is making you feel self-conscious as well a) Unfollow pages of #bodygoals or any posts that make you not so confident about your body, and choose the option ‘See Fewer Posts Like These’ b) Follow diverse accounts – People of different colour, shape, skin, height, hair, etc… There is NO one size fits all, everyone is uniquely different and beautiful and you have to see that diversity rather than ONE category of people.

    Here are some accounts to follow:
    – Mary’s Cup of Tea
    Sydney Grace
  • Take The Damn Compliment (TTDC): You know, there are times where I don’t really feel it when someone tells me I’m beautiful. Sometimes I think that they’re just saying that or if they know that I struggled with my self-image I think they’re saying that to make me feel better somehow. Let me tell you something, no one is obligated to say anything. No one has to give you a compliment and no one is holding a gun to their head. So even if you’re not feeling your best, just take the damn compliment. Sometimes we have a poorer vision of ourselves than how others see us. We don’t always notice the things in others that we usually tell ourselves “oh look at what they will think about my skin today…”
  • Take Your Own Advice- Something that pisses me off sometimes is how people smaller than me talk about how they want to lose weight but then they tell me “I’m talking about me not you. “You know that’s like saying that yellow tops are ugly just yours isn’t. It doesn’t make any sense and I get where they are coming from because I did it too. I think it’s time we take the advice we give everyone else when they nit pick on their face, hair, skin or body. We are soooo good at being kinder to other people than ourselves, maybe it’s time we ask ourselves every single time what we would say to a friend who feels the same way about themselves. I tell myself EVERY TIME “well girl, if you’re feeling that way, how are other women and men bigger in size supposed to feel? Isn’t that offensive to them?”
See the source image
Copy pasted this – not my screenshot
  • Be Honest with Yourself- After you have identified the source of your self-image struggles, really ask yourself “Why am I trying to change myself?” Is it because you feel the NEED to look like the majority? Are you even being realistic with your goals? Do you really have a physical HEALTH concern or are you so caught up in this fat phobic society we live in? What will bigger lips or a smaller nose really give you? Because confidence isn’t about looking a certain way, confidence is LOVING how you look and choosing to enhance your beauty a little bit more if you WANT to, not because you feel the NEED TO. If you’re doing it for other people (bf/gf, social media, to fit in, etc…) you might want to go ahead and read THIS blog.
  • Changing Habits: Something that I used to do for YEARS and sometimes I do it unconsciously, is cover my legs with either my blanket or by placing my bag on my lap. I even did it when I was alone at home because of how hyperaware this idea has become to me. So now I put my bag down or remove the blanket if it’s not cold and even wear dresses that are knee-length. There is NO rush here… No one is standing in front of you with a stop watch waiting for you to get over this. You slowly start implementing changes, but you gotta start somewhere because there is no ‘right time’ to start.
    – Stop using filters to look pretty, they are actually ruining your self-image.
    – Have no make up days, having acne or imperfect skin is NORMAL.
    – Try NOT to conceal the parts of you that make you self-conscious but take it slowly and at your own pace.
See the source image
  • Focus on Health: Health is both physical and mental, so when I say health I mean make sure you’re getting 7-8 hours (at least) of sleep every night, drinking up to 2 litres of water per day, eating foods that you enjoy that also nourish your body and doing activities that you enjoy so you can stay committed. Make sure you also reduce stress as much as you possibly can or if you have anxiety, depression, or any other struggles, do take the time to focus on that to start healing and growing.
  • Focus on Self-Love: Now this aligns with #7 as self-love really does affect your mental health and confidence. I have written two blogs that might help you a) How To Start Loving Your Body? and b) Tips on Enhancing Confidence
    And please, for the love of hummus and French fries, do this for YOU. Your self-image will affect you for the rest of your life and no one else. People can tell you that you look dashing or terrible, but in the end the only perception that matters is the person you see when you look in the mirror. I understand of course the thoughts of no one is going to love you and that you might seem unattractive to others, I fucking get it. But you also have to remember that our bodies are forever changing. Do you really wanna be with people who will stop loving you when you get wrinkles and grow grey hair? Fuck ’em. I’d rather be with someone who loves me as a whole. Someone who knows that Iโ€™m not just a body.
  • Form A Positive Relationship With Your BODY: Seriously though, talk to your body. Get a notebook and start to make peace with yourself by apologising to your body for all the hurtful things you have said to it and really thank it for the experiences it has given you! That is such a crucial step to healing, TRUST ME.
  • Accept HELP: If you have a history of eating disorders, poor mental health or anything like that, please start accepting the help around you that’s available. We ONLY help ourselves by being honest with ourselves and accepting to make use of any resources available. Lean on people who are worth leaning on.

Remember, you are FUCKING fabulous and a badass queen/king because you have been made uniquely perfect and different. There is SO much power in being different and OWNING that difference!