Are you feeling depressed or lonely as the holiday is approaching? Do you live far away from your family so it feels so lonely? Are you going through a heart break and all the romance during Christmas and New Year’s is making you feel worse? Have you lost a family member or a friend and finding it so hard to cope during the holidays? Do you find specific dates or months so hard because things have changed? If you answered yes to any of these then this blog is FOR YOU.
To A LOT of people, this is NOT the most wonderful time of the year… Change in itself is FUCKING HARD and with the holidays approaching a lot of memories come back and hit you harder than you thought… You or someone else you know might be experiencing such painful feelings or you’re just feeling very emotional and sensitive…
At some point, I felt that way… When I was going through a heart break, New Year’s Eve was the WORST time of the year for me because one of the times we got back together was during New Year’s Eve. Christmas period to me was very lonely because I DIDN’T have friends back then and seeing all those people happy with their friends and taking pictures by the Christmas tree multiplied the hurt. At that time I was very dependent on others making me happy and I was desperate to be loved in general.
That was even more painful than grieving the loss of my past relationship because I didn’t really have anyone to share that loneliness with and to me friendships are golden. I am a ride or die friend and most of my friendships DIED. So in a way, if you’re reading this now, I feel your pain to a degree…
I truly hope that this blog will help you feel even a little better. Here are some tips to get you through this difficult time:
– Understand that you’re NOT alone: It might feel like the most painful and lonely time of this year, but I promise you NOT everyone is having the jolly ole time during the holidays. There are a lot of people who feel the same way… Some of them ended friendships/relationships, a family member or someone close to them passed away and many more… You are NOT alone – remember that <3
YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID
– Make Use of Helplines: If you’re feeling too low or depressed, please use the helplines that are available 24/7 like Samaritans on 116 123 (free of charge) or head to the nearest A&E if it’s that serious.
– Lean on Someone: If you have anyone in your life who makes you feel better or simply gives you the space to grieve and feel, LEAN ON THEM. Let people know how you feel and that’s not being gloomy or selfish. There is nothing humble about neglecting your emotions and it is NOT fair for you either. Talk to someone if you have a friend/sibling/lover/parent/therapist. If you don’t have anyone, then take this time to self-reflect and maybe even meet new people!
– Create New Memories: Before any misunderstanding happens here, let me clarify this- I said CREATE new memories NOT replace the memories. And I am saying this because I am aware that a lot of you are grieving now and it would be disrespectful to your memories if I asked you to replace them. I think that holding so much love and memories for people who passed away is something very powerful and beautiful even though it is FUCKING HARD. I have REPLACED though the memories of my ex because 1) no point in holding onto a memory of someone who was very toxic 2) I wanted that chapter from my life completely closed. Last year during New Year’s Eve, I went to a friend’s wedding. So every time I think about New Year’s now, I remember my friends doing my makeup for the wedding, dressing up and dancing the night away.. Literally…
– Set Boundaries: Tell your friends what you want them to keep doing, stop doing and start doing. So if you’re heartbroken and the last thing you want to see is couples holding hands and romantic movies about a girl who slipped in the snow and the love of her life picked her up and that’s how they met, then communicate that. “Please don’t invite me to the movies or go to this place.” If emotional support is what you need for a friend to stay over to feel less lonely, ask them “Hey, is it possible if you spend this week with me? I just need some support.” As for ‘start doing,’ you can say something like “Listen I know you have your plans in the holidays, but can you maybe squeeze an hour or two and spend it with me at home? I really don’t feel like leaving the house.”
– Get In Touch With Your Emotions: It’s OKAY to not be okay… You can ignore those feelings yes, but they will come back and resurface… When feelings resurface, it feels like 10 slaps in the face and a stab in the heart… So you might want to take the time and recognise how you feel, maybe through journaling, meditation, recording audios on your phone to express, going for walks alone to really think, etc…
– Gratitude Journal: Sometimes we need a reminder of something good that we have… So get a journal and start by writing down 5 things you are grateful for then add another 5 if you can, then another 5… Gratitude can be something as small as “a blanket that keeps me warm at night” or “a source of income”
– Give To Others: It feels really good to know that you just had a positive impact on someone’s life, that can be through donations, charity work, making someone feel better, etc…
– Look After Yourself: No matter how you feel right now, I want you to know that you are such a valuable soul who deserves all the joy and kindness in this world… I promise you how you feel won’t last forever.. It will go and come back, and with every pain you feel, character is formed and resilience is grown… So please look after yourself.. Take a nice warm bath, go to the spa, get a haircut, scrub your body with a scented body scrub, read a book or a magazine that gives you fulfilment or adds value to your life, meditate, paint, etc…
You are more beautiful than you think.
You are more powerful than you know.
You are worthy of love in abundance.
You deserve health and vitality.
You are only growing from here….
Sending you tons of love and light <3 xx