Owning Who You Are – Be YOU

We live in a society that asks you to be yourself, yet everyone judges you. Ironic, right? This blog will talk about how to “just be yourself!” and how to OWN that! Feel free to read it all or just the sections that are relevant to you.

They tell you to be yourself, then they judge you for being “too ambitious,” “unproductive,” “too hot,” “not hot enough,” “too loud,” “too quiet,” “too thin,” “too fat,” “too energetic,” “too boring,” and the list goes on because they won’t shut the fuck up and mind their own business.

Figure Out Who You Are

I talked a lot before about spending time alone to figure out who you are & what you want but I haven’t explained what to do in that alone time. In a time like this, we literally have all the time in the world to study, talk on the phone, blog, read and many more. So don’t even try to use the excuse of not having enough time. The last thing you want to do is be behind the screen all the time where people are posting negative shit and fake news.

Here is an exercise I want you to do (Don’t be lazy):
  1. Get a notebook or a few papers and write down every category of your life. The human experience really falls down to passion, purpose, career, friendships, family, relationship/love, finances, education, confidence, diet, mental health, physical health, etc…
  2. Next to each category give it a rating out of 10
  3. Write a goal to make the rating a little higher (so if it’s 4/10, make the goal to 5/10 or 6/10. Not higher. It’s a step by step process)
  4. Under each category write down what you don’t like about this category (don’t be afraid to write 2 or 800 – there’s no wrong way around this) and then next to each dislike or underneath it, write what you can do turn it around AND what you want instead. For example:

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]

– Write three positive affirmations after you do all the above then cross out all the ‘dislikes.’ Look at the ‘solution(s)’ and the ‘affirmations’ DAILY.

Confidence 6/10 GOAL: 8/10
* I compare my success to others
[ Shift the focus back to me and set daily reminders that everyone is on a different journey. Read my own blog about comparison]
* I don’t think I am intelligent enough
[I will catch that thought and remind myself that someone else’s opinion doesn’t matter. And I will read more books about XYZ]
1- I am more than fucking enough
2- I am as intelligent as a German Shepherd
3- I’m the coolest thing since vegan cheese 😉

That’s how you figure out what you dislike and what exactly you want. Doing this exercise you realise the solutions and all the answers that you hold. I know emotional intelligence and mental health are two things that people find difficult to control and this exercise should help you. You can also read my blog about being too emotional – if you find yourself reacting too much or crying easily for instance.

Stop Getting In Your Own Way

This is a tough love section and you need to hear it just like I do.
I’m not dismissing ANYONE’s feelings or circumstances because I know everyone is on a different journey and we all react differently. BUT every single one of us is GUILTY of getting in our own way. Answer this right now, what in the living fuck are you getting out of self-sabotage?? Why won’t you let yourself chill for a MINUTE and take a breather? Why won’t you sit your ass down for an hour and realise that YOU ARE THE ONE SETTING YOUR OWN LIMITATIONS! Yes, you are setting your own limitations when you say you’re not good enough, attractive enough, bla bla bla enough. Some of you even have good things and wonderful people, yet you sabotage by saying “it’s too good to be true. I’m gonna walk away” and then you let yourself back to toxic environments and surround yourself with horse shit, and then you complain that life is hard. Really? You sit on horse shit and complain about shit on your clothes? If you choose to sit on horse shit, get the fuck up, change into cleaner clothes and shower. Don’t complain and jump back in there like ew stop. ‘Horse shit’ is also letting people walk all over you, even if it’s family.

You judge yourself by saying you’re NOT enough even though you REALLY want this particular thing… Like, really? You’re judging it? You don’t get to. If you want a particular thing, stop getting in of your own way. If you have to write down what you CAN control in that situation and implement that, go for it. But if you want to stay in that victim mindset, be my guest and see how that works for you. I can guarantee that till this day it hasn’t worked. You don’t get to complain if you make the DECISION to get in your own way. That shit thought or limiting belief could be knocking on your door all day you don’t have to open that door or even listen. You flip it and you bounce it, you bounce it, you bounce it ALL day if you have to. I can have a doubt or an insecurity 230 times and I still choose to reaffirm 237 times that I’m more than enough. I tell that thought, literally to PISS OFF. If you talk to someone the way you talk to yourself, they would probably dump you right away. Admit it.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

Start implementing changes and STOP voicing an unwanted thought just because you were programmed to believe that. Today, tell that thought ‘Try me’ or ‘Piss off!’ You know what I say every single day? “I’m ALWAYS in control and EVERYTHING is exactly what I say it is.” I’m not anything special, I’m just really fucking dedicated to my own success and you can pick up on that energy any moment. I reached a point where I was DONE giving power to outside opinions or even my own because it’s unproductive. I proclaim my power daily because I refuse to give my power to something so irrelevant to my life. If my body needs to cry, I’ll let it purge, but that won’t interfere with my MIND because my mind is locked on my manifestations.

Wear Your Values with Pride

Values = Ethical values, opinions, standards related to work/people or spiritual beliefs

Here is a personal example:
Since September 2019, I turned vegan for dietary, environmental and ethical reasons. There are a lot of outside perspectives and criticisms from different people and a lot of the things I hear are from cultural perceptions or just stupidity (“How do you get protein?” Watch The Game Changers on Netflix and understand the food chain). Personally I find it VERY insulting when people talk shit about veganism because they don’t pay for my groceries so it’s none of their business. Veganism isn’t harming anyone and everyone has the free will to eat what they want to eat. (Besides all global pandemics came from consuming animal products like bird’s flu and swine flu – vegan for health reasons too). I do believe that I should raise awareness about animal cruelty BUT I DON’T BELIEVE I HAVE THE RIGHT TO ATTACK ANYONE.

Even though there is a lot of food in every culture that’s vegan friendly people think they have the right to have an opinion about what I eat that isn’t harming anyone. In my culture, every single meal is served with meat, so I get a lot of ‘jokes’ about that. Do you think I give a fuck? No. Because I believe in my own values and I know why I chose that to begin with. If I don’t agree with something, I either don’t participate or I say something about it. If something is real and important to you, then it is. End of story.

Here is my belief and concept – If I do, say or wear something that isn’t harming anyone or myself, then you don’t get a say in my business. No one has the right to bully you, talk you down, give you ultimatums, manipulate you or patronise you.
My choice of clothing or career is not adding or taking away anything from your life. It’s just very unproductive when people focus on things like that are absolutely irrelevant to their life. You weren’t born to please people and you didn’t sign a contract either. Own and respect your own values first.

Take Your Power Back | Develop MENTAL Resilience

We are conditioned to believe that we’re limited, invaluable and other bullshit. Part of my self-growth journey is that I had to change my internal dialogue by reminding myself every single time “Nope. My body isn’t ugly – that’s my ex talking not me.” I had MAJOR insecurities so I had to catch myself at every thought and replace that thought with something productive, positive or relevant to where I wanted to be with myself. You can call it lying to yourself, but you’re already lying to yourself by saying that you’re unworthy of love or success. Lying to myself worked, and if it felt too much, I would take a break and then I would write down all of my qualities. A quality doesn’t have to be “discovered a new planet” fuck that. Something as small as “made someone smile this week” is good enough. It means I made someone feel 2% better which is a beautiful thing and that’s why I’m beautiful. You see how you can flip and turn a thought into something bigger and so beautiful? If you find it hard to monitor your thoughts, then monitor your feelings. Thoughts create emotions, so if you feel insecure about something, then subconsciously you thought that. Remember, the power lies within you.

Something you HAVE TO understand is that when something happens, you have the opportunity to decide whether it’s good or bad. When I get a text message from someone telling me that I should stop cursing on social media that tells me that I’m doing something right. It shows me that I chose to use my freedom of speech which I’m grateful for to get my point across or to raise awareness. So thank you for the text, it’s a good reminder 🙂 Something like what’s happening in our world now tells me Earth needs to breathe and so do we. Air pollution is falling, people are looking after their health better, we’re counting our blessings (people, food, health, money to purchase things) and being more mindful about what we eat.

I wrote an entire blog about personal resilience so feel free to check it out if you think you need that resource.

Accountability vs Self-degrading

I briefly talked about this before in my blogs but for the purpose of this topic, I will explain the difference between accountability and being self-degrading quickly.
Accountability = Knowing where you went wrong and areas of improvement needed. It’s choosing to look at failure and mistakes as an OPPORTUNITY to evolve and amp up your strengths even more.
Self-degrading = the language you use which puts you down that makes you feel any negative emotion about yourself. It’s blaming yourself and talking to yourself like you talk to a nemesis.

Raise Your Standards

Think of one thing that you want right now, lets say ‘healthy relationship.’ You have to ask yourself what is a healthy relationship to you? Don’t be vague by saying ‘ a gentleman,’ well what’s a gentleman to you? Write down or discuss with someone what you’re looking for in a partner AND the deal breakers. Deal breakers could be – [TRIGGER WARNING]: abusive language, body shaming, degrading, etc… Figure out what is love to you. That also applies to friendships, career, health and many more. Something I heard Mary Jelkovsky say about health is “If IMAGE and NUMBER didn’t exist, what does health look like to you?” In any area of your life, ask yourself what does that mean to you and what are the deal breakers. Raising your standards allows you to cultivate fulfilling relationships and satisfaction in every area of your life. Anything that doesn’t match that standard is what you tell smooth sails and god’s speed if you can’t change that or fix it.

Finding Like-Minded People

For me personally, talking about the environment is also touchy subject for some reason because people CLING to their habits, I am vegan and I believe in the law of attraction (watch The Secret on Netflix), so there’s a lot that I feel like I can’t discuss. That doesn’t mean my beliefs or values are WRONG. It just means I have to find more open-minded people and like-minded communities. So I joined a program called Environmental Leadership where we get to expand our knowledge about the environment and all the volunteers are students my age, and we’re working together on a social action campaign. As for law of attraction, I join social media groups where I can make online friends, be my true self and share my two scents.

I got this background from Roxy Talks affirmations playlist – her confidence and success affirmations are the ones I love to listen to

If you have to take screenshots or save this blog, please do so. Don’t just read it and go back to old habits then wonder how to be yourself. Also, remember that the right people are the ones that accept you for who you are and they love being part of your self-development journey.
“I pledge to check in with my feelings every day.”

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