We all find ourselves comparing our lives to other people almost every day. To be honest it can be hard sometimes to shut the outside noise because it’s everywhere. You see people thriving and succeeding in areas you’re trying to grow at on social media, at a workplace, within friendships and many more. You find yourself comparing your physical appearance, your relationships, your success at work or education, etc… This blog will focus solely on how and why you should STOP comparing your life with other people.
Comparing Physical Appearance
Social media is such a misleading world and I know that from personal experience. I need you to understand that when I say that NOT everything is the way it seems, I mean it. Before comparing your body, hair, skin tone, features or whatever, I want you understand the following:
- You have NO IDEA what other people do to have the body that they have. I personally know people who starve themselves so they avoid social outings, count how many calories they should eat before going out, cutting out food, doing shitty diets like “the water diet” which comes with A LOT OF SIDE EFFECTS. A lot of people struggle to get the body that they want.
- NOTHING against cosmetic procedures, but a lot of people, especially celebrities get plastic surgery to look a certain way or even get liposuction and they aren’t transparent about that.
- Applications I have personally used (deleted all these photos) – FaceTune2 and many other applications are used to alter your features like a more defined cheekbone, slimmer nose, bigger lips or to remove eye bags/dark circles, simply to catfish whatever standards society has set for us. Even applications like ‘Make Me Slim Thin‘ to edit their photos (used these too) just to look smaller or have bigger hips. ALL these features are BEAUTIFUL obviously, but you don’t HAVE to look a certain way just because someone else does.
- MAKE UP – Just go on YouTube and see how people change their skin tone or contour their face to look more ‘defined.’ Even acne can be concealed using make up even though it is something very normal that everyone gets.
Most importantly, know that you are NOT in competition with anyone and if you do feel that way, sorry not sorry, but that is YOUR own insecurity which you need to work on. I have written a step by step blog about how to start loving your body and another one about body dysmorphia in case you need it.
Comparing Your Relationships
This is one of the most common comparisons that I see, and I have been guilty of it in the past. Whether it’s friendships, families or romantic partnerships, this section is for you if you keep comparing.
- Romantic partnerships: No matter how many screenshots people share with you, no matter how many pictures they post on social media and how much that person talks about their partner, you have NO IDEA what the nature of their relationship is. You don’t know if they’re both faithful to one another. You don’t join every single phone call and you have no idea what arguments they’ve had that they haven’t told you about. How many of you here were constantly posting pictures or videos of your partner/with your partner and your relationship is/was fucking shitty? Most importantly, you don’t need a confirmation of their misery to feel better about yourself. Maybe a happy relationship is the only good thing that person has in their life and you don’t know how far they came to develop a healthy relationship.
- Friendships: Again, you DON’T know the nature of each and every single friendship. Just because someone has a lot of friends, that doesn’t mean that life challenges, deep rooted insecurities and fears are completely excluded from their life. People like me have been LITERALLY betrayed over 3 times by different friends and have been backstabbed A LOT until I finally developed healthy friendships. Focus on the relationship you have with YOURSELF and then go from there.
- Family: Let me ask you something, have you lived with their family since the day your friend was born? Do you know every single struggle or difficulty that went down in that house? No. Truth is that you DON’T KNOW SHIT. Whether that person is related by blood or not with that family, STOP COMPARING. It is so unfair of you to say ‘well at least they have a family,’ because maybe that household is so toxic and your friend grew up feeling scared and unloved their entire life. Yes, I do believe we should all be grateful for the big and small things we have, but that doesn’t mean you get to put yourself or others down. Just why?? Not everything is against you ffs. Just like not everyone knows what’s happening in your household, you can’t tell either what’s going on in others lives.
Hard Truth – Your relationships is YOUR responsibility. You’re the one holding the phone and you’re the one who makes a decision each and every single day who you choose to be in your life. YOU choose whether or not to communicate your needs, your voice and your opinions. I’m not saying it’s all easy, but I am saying it is something at SOME LEVEL is in your hands. You have two choices – take control of your relationships or give your power away to others. Your choice if you want to keep giving outside circumstances a voice and keep playing the victim. In a time like this, we need to lean on each other and be more open rather than adding more pressure. I’m sorry, I know I am being so harsh right now, but I am only saying that because I love you guys and I want us all (including myself) to do BETTER.
Comparing Your Success
I understand that we all have goals and aspirations, so it can be hard sometimes to not compare your success to other people when people are constantly sharing and posting. Whatever you define success to be this section still applies to you.
- I want you to remind yourself that everyone has a different journey. Just because something hasn’t happened yet or it took a completely different turn, it doesn’t mean you’re done. You probably had a lot of times when you fell down and thought you won’t make it but you did or you ended up on a better path. Make this your mantra: “Things Fall Apart To Fall Into Place” – there’s no other way
- Someone else’s success is NOT an indication of your failure! You both came out of a different womb (or the same one..) at a different time and your heads aren’t popping out of the same body. You are NOT them and they are NOT you. If you want to give your power to other people, be my guest, or you can start declaring that your life is turning around and start applying changes and see how that works for you.
- Success can happen ANYTIME at ANY age – DO NOT set yourself limitations because of your identity, age or family. Be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire!
- Find or ask for navigation – Instead of looking at them as evidence of your poor performance, use them as inspiration and a way to access information as to how they got to where they got to. Asking for help doesn’t make you ‘stupid’ or ‘not good enough.’ Every single day we all learn and grow, it’s a process and a journey. So you can either continue being a bitch to your ego (sorry again – love you) or you can go ahead and ask for help/advice. Refocus. Refocus. Refocus. It’s a process and it’s okay to make mistakes or even fail.
I don’t want to address this thing happening in the world right now because it’s being talked about EVERY WHERE like there’s no escape. I just want to briefly share a few things you can do in this difficult time, because it really is a difficult time to a lot of people especially that a lot of things I was looking forward to have been delayed so it’s been hard to adjust to ALL OF THAT. Here are things to do at this time INSTEAD of comparing and comparing:
- We never have enough time during the rush and the commitments to really spend time alone enough. Take this time to self-reflect by asking yourself what do you want out of life? What are your passions? Who do you aspire to be? What kind of career do you want to pursue? What relationships do you want to develop or form? I would say take the time to rate each area of your life out of 10, ask yourself what have you already done and what else can you do. So for example, if your career life is 4/10, how can you get to a 5/10?
- Count Your Blessings – Now that most of us aren’t working, studying, going out or seeing people, it definitely feels lonely like there is nothing to look forward to. Take this time to remind yourself of everything you have and anything you have taken for granted – Health, Friends, Career, Money, Love, Hobbies, Food if you managed to get any at this time, a roof over your head to stay safe, etc..
- Learn Something New – I don’t know what you want to learn whether it’s cooking, make up, science, personal empowerment, bla bla bla. Get to it and you can check out SKILLSHARE to help you with all these areas.
- Do the things you have been delaying like that dusty old book you’ve been saying you’ll read since 1973
- Learn how to look after your mental health and self-care daily. I have a whole mental health category as well or find an online therapist.
- Reminder: We are all given this chance to slow down and take some time to ourselves. This is also a time where Earth is breathing – there has been a lot of climate issues, pollution and the Amazon was on FIRE. This time will allow Earth to breath a little from all the litter outside and carbon emissions, etc…
- Learn to be more mindful with eating and adopt a healthier lifestyle – Obviously most supermarkets are short on food or completely out of products, so take this time to be more mindful and choose healthier choices (since everyone talks about boosting their immunity system)
- PLEASE!! LOOK AFTER ONE ANOTHER!! I know some people are separated from their loved ones including myself, but please lets learn to use this time and understand that life is so damn short and here is the evidence. So call, text, video call or make time to meet if you aren’t on lockdown/living close to each other or if you drive, do spend quality time, express and share how much you care about each other. This is a time where every single one of us NEEDS the support... Let go of the pettiness, the ego, the fears and the insecurities for now – now is not the time for that