I had a time in my life where I was overly sensitive. Anything big or small made my cry, hurt or it made me feel really angry! It was a tough phase for me and I wasn’t entirely sure why I was feeling the way I was… This is a blog that will help you understand how to sit with your emotions, understanding why you get too emotional, and ways to deal with that… There is a fine line between dealing with your emotions and suppressing them. Here is the difference:
Suppressing emotions- Holding back and trying to resist the tears or the feeling. The reason why this is an unhealthy way to ‘cope’ is because you’re not coping at all. What happens is that you hold back, bottle it up inside and then you bury it deep down. After that at some point, you IMPLODE as the emotions re-surface. We usually suppress or hold back because of one or more of these reasons:
- Childhood– Wherever you grew up and whoever you were raised by, you were probably always told to stop crying or just calm down when you were upset or crying. From a young age we are taught that feeling ‘sad’ or getting ’emotional’ is somehow negative that it becomes subconscious. What to do? Well first of all understand that all emotions are important to be felt to a certain capacity, including happiness. It’s OKAY to NOT be okay sometimes. Being ‘too emotional’ becomes unhealthy when it gets in the way of your day-to-day tasks, work life/studies or your social life. Next, go ahead and read those two blogs about reprogramming your subconscious mind- Blog 1 I Blog 2 [Re-read as many times if you need to and save them]
- Ego– Don’t say ‘no!’ You know it’s your pride getting in the way when it is. And in that case, I think you have to tell yourself to swallow your damn pride and let yourself be HUMAN. You are NOT meant to be a ROBOT, you’re meant to be human. You’re NOT meant to be perfect, you’re meant to be imperfect and that’s how you learn to grow. That’s what also makes you uniquely YOU! Being emotional is NOT a sign of being pathetic – WE ALL BREAK. That’s how we let it out and feel to heal.
- Society’s Effect- There is this belief by society that a ‘real man’ doesn’t cry. There is also this other belief that when a man cries, it must’ve taken him a lot of courage to be vulnerable but a woman being vulnerable means that she is just seeking attention. Those two social norms are reasons why people suppress and hold back. Now listen to me, ‘facts’ become ‘facts’ when a thought or a perception becomes accepted by a lot of people. Just because this is part of the 1000 people’s belief system it doesn’t mean it has to be yours. There are 7.7 billion people in this world, alright? There is at least one person out there who will accept and love you for who you are. So the reality is that rules are bullshit and you can always make your own rules – You DONT have to be a follower!
Dealing with Emotions – You sit down with yourself, dig deep to find the source and find a healthy way to cope, which I’ll show you how to do.
Why The Heck Am I Too Emotional?
- Look at your childhood/past – There is a reason why we are who we are today. We are all SHAPED by our past but that doesn’t mean it HAS to be our eternal identity. If you had a childhood trauma, something big or small (for example: You grew up in an abusive home, you felt left out in school, you lost a family member) then it’s NORMAL to get a little too emotional over small things. Does that mean you CAN’T change that? No. You can still have some control over your emotions without dismissing them. I’ll get to that in a bit. Or it can be a heartbreak or something that happened to you a year ago that has affected you deeply – Understand there is a difference between MOVING ON and FORGETTING. There are things that we will ALWAYS remember, so you don’t have to forget to have ‘moved on.’ Establish that difference and know that even when you move on, sometimes it comes back because a lot of damage has been done and not missing or not loving someone anymore doesn’t mean all the hurt is gone.
- Stress – Look at where you’re currently at: Who are you usually around? What do you do every day? Where do you go? The environment that you’re at could be contributing to your stress levels or the people around you could be too negative about life or constantly complaining about things. Maybe it’s stress from work or university or simply fear of something. If you have fears that you’re not quite sure how to control or overcome, go read this blog and this one for a little push, I promise if you implement these it will help.
- Hormone imbalance – Speak to your doctor and get a check up every 6 months.
- Change in sleeping or poor/unhealthy eating habits – Again, speak to your doctor and find solutions.
- Low SELF-ESTEEM– I have written A LOT of blogs about this and I will still write even more. In that case, check out my Self-love And Confidence Category.
- Mental health – Emotions = Brain chemistry I No matter where you’re at with your spirituality or life, sometimes our brain chemistry is unbalanced and that’s exactly why we’ve been blessed with mental health professionals. Don’t dismiss that by saying that you just need to be more spiritual. Yes, I do believe that God can heal you in 0.5 milliseconds, but if you break your arm now you won’t sit down and wait for God to heal you. God blessed us with hospitals, doctors and therapists/psychologists for a reason. Anyone who tells you that the problem is with you not praying enough, tell them to suck a dick. You mean to tell me that the most holy people in this world don’t lose family members to diseases or old age? We all go through stuff sometimes and that’s life.
Here is the ‘Mental Health‘ category with all of my blogs surrounding mental health issues and how I dealt with them. If it doesn’t help, please seek help ASAP. It’s not a shame.
Sitting With Your Emotions
The problem with a lot of us is that we refuse to face our demons. So what happens is that we put on a bandage and conceal the wound for a while till we bleed again because the scar is still there. The scar will always be there if you don’t identify the source of your emotions and DEAL with it rather than suppress it. The worst has already happened and you have survived 100% of your bad days – this won’t kill you. Last night I sat with myself because I know that throughout my entire life I’ve had many different traumas and there is still some healing needed. Yes, in doing that I felt VERY overwhelmed and mentally DRAINED that I had to shut my phone for a bit (I call it disconnect to reconnect), but I did it and today is a new great day!
Here is how you deal with your emotions: [Get a pen and paper]
Step 1: Ask yourself now – How Am I Feeling?
Step 2: Why Am I Feeling This Way? (Dig deep – why did that particular thing bother you to that extent? What triggered it in the first place? What caused that trigger in the first place?) Be honest – it’s just you with yourself
Step 3: Give yourself love, patience and self-compassion like you would with a friend. Imagine a close friend or yours or your sibling or lover called you crying and told you they feel this way – What would you tell them? How would you reassure them? Do the same thing with yourself.
Step 4: How Will I Express My Feelings In A Healthy Way? If you don’t have an answer to that, imagine a child (a younger sibling, cousin or any child) came to you feeling that way, what is a healthy way you would encourage them to express their feelings?
I know you might be thinking that this won’t help but hear me out please –
1- When you write things down, your thoughts really begin to flow. Think of a time you were writing an essay or a story and you didn’t know from where to start, but then as soon as you started writing it all began to flow. Be patient with yourself.
2- If you’re going to take some time off then you might as well make use of this time than waste it on self-pity (sorry not sorry… tough love is needed sometimes). Just because you don’t have an answer IMMEDIATELY, it doesn’t mean you will never know or be okay. The shit happened TO YOU – You experienced it and felt it, so YOU hold all the answers you’re seeking.
*** Read or re-read this blog about developing personal resilience***
“Sometimes I Wish I Don’t Feel At All”
You have no idea how many times I have said this… In fact, I had a terrible phase where I completely numbed myself and it was awful. I would go to birthday parties and NOT feel anything. Everyone around me would be laughing and taking pictures, while I stood there trying to make myself feel something. Feeling numb really sucks… It’s not as good as you think it is.… I have been told many times in the past that the fact that I care too much about my friends is a weakness – I say, if someone is a piece of shit that’s on them not me. I am glad I ALWAYS gave all of my love and support because now I know I have no regrets and there is nothing that I could’ve done and didn’t do. I am not responsible for anyone’s actions but myself, so if someone is a dickhead- THAT’S ON THEM NOT ME.
Getting drunk, sleeping around, binge eating, binge sleeping and all those ways people react to emotions to try to numb them doesn’t really do anything but delay the healing. At some point you’ll wake up, you’ll stop drinking and you’ll stop eating and then reality will hit you hard again!